Caring for my husband with late-stage lung cancer

Posted by turtle115 @turtle115, Mar 25, 2020

My first time here. My husband has lung cancer that has spread to liver, stomach and pelvis. Originally showed spot on lungs and liver August 2019. He is now 78 and has been a stroke survivor for 20 years…aphasia, walked with cane, no use of right arm. We decided not to proceed with cancer Treatments. But after Christmas things took a turn for the worse….he can stand but Can only move a little to the wheelchair bed or chair. We had CT in January which showed lung cancer, liver, stomach and pelvis. He is DNR so we wait. He is home and Hospice comes here twice a week. He has had a sore on his chin for over a month and recently, about the size of a dime, on the back of his head. He is not a complainer….. he is coughing up thick, white phlegm a lot now. He also has many tumors on his back…more every day, not open soreS but I see And feel them and some getting larger. Any one have thoughts that the sore on his head and face that maybe it has spread to the brain? How long can one survive like this? He is ready mentally and spiritually to leave this earth…..it is the waiting and watching him lose weight that is so hard. Any thoughts, help or prayers will be appreciated.

@turtle115

Thank you….I, too, hope for a peaceful night. 🙂

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Good morning @turtle115– Did you have a restful night? Do you think that your husband's comfort is being properly cared for with the medicines that hospice and your doctor have prescribed? When you spoke with hospice did they help with his pain?

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@merpreb

Good morning @turtle115– Did you have a restful night? Do you think that your husband's comfort is being properly cared for with the medicines that hospice and your doctor have prescribed? When you spoke with hospice did they help with his pain?

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How I wish I could say YES…a restful night….I feel like a jack-in-the-box…..last night it was 6 times I got up to check on my husband. The hospice nurse I called the other night did help me. ….waiting for her visit today. He has developed an open sore top of his butt….I have Zinc Paste I have been using…want the nurse to check it out today.
I am sorry if I am complaining….I don't wish to do that….just saying how it is! And it does help to "get it out". Thanks

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@turtle115

How I wish I could say YES…a restful night….I feel like a jack-in-the-box…..last night it was 6 times I got up to check on my husband. The hospice nurse I called the other night did help me. ….waiting for her visit today. He has developed an open sore top of his butt….I have Zinc Paste I have been using…want the nurse to check it out today.
I am sorry if I am complaining….I don't wish to do that….just saying how it is! And it does help to "get it out". Thanks

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I am so sorry that last night was also difficult, @turtle115. You are working so hard to keep your husband comfortable. I'm sure that he appreciates your efforts even if he cannot express them now.

I understand your need to "get it out." That is why Connect is here. We want everyone to be able to express what is going on and be supported.

Will you post again after the hospice nurse visits?

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@turtle115– Actually you are rather restrained! lol. We want you to complain, we all have to vent. Connect is the place to dod this. You are in a tough position and need to vent and speak what you feel. Are you sleeping close by to your husband? The reason is that I'm curious about you being closer to him or getting a monitor would help you sleep better?

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@hopeful33250

I am so sorry that last night was also difficult, @turtle115. You are working so hard to keep your husband comfortable. I'm sure that he appreciates your efforts even if he cannot express them now.

I understand your need to "get it out." That is why Connect is here. We want everyone to be able to express what is going on and be supported.

Will you post again after the hospice nurse visits?

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I will.

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@merpreb

@turtle115– Actually you are rather restrained! lol. We want you to complain, we all have to vent. Connect is the place to dod this. You are in a tough position and need to vent and speak what you feel. Are you sleeping close by to your husband? The reason is that I'm curious about you being closer to him or getting a monitor would help you sleep better?

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Actually, we are in separate rooms….adjoining rooms…..close….when he calls I hear……sometimes he needs to use the urinal, sometimes he thinks he has to but doesn't

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@turtle115

Actually, we are in separate rooms….adjoining rooms…..close….when he calls I hear……sometimes he needs to use the urinal, sometimes he thinks he has to but doesn't

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Sometimes, just water or a coughing spell.

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@turtle115

Sometimes, just water or a coughing spell.

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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband, @turtle115

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@turtle115

Sometimes, just water or a coughing spell.

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@turtle115– I'm thinking of you today- How was your night? WOuld you mind sharing what the hospice person said?

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@merpreb

@turtle115– I'm thinking of you today- How was your night? WOuld you mind sharing what the hospice person said?

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Hospice will be coming daily now. Andrew is not eating at all….just a little water…his mouth is so dry. He had fever, sweating and clammy skin last night. The assisted living care partners are afraid the fever could be COVD19….we have had one die and yesterday 4 tested positive. Hospice doesn't think it is the virus but the progression of the cancer. We are in lockdown…..which is a shame….this is when Hospice would be telling us it is time for the family to come. She said it is about making him comfortable. His heart rate is staying about 140+…sounds awfully high to me. The pain meds seem to be doing their job. Sleeping a lot. It is so hard for me to sit here, alone, seeing the pain on his face. I think I had mentioned tumors on his back….I noticed a small bump this morning right about his hairline…..will watch and see if more come or it gets larger. I thought dying would be peaceful. Not so for him or me. 🙏

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@turtle115

Hospice will be coming daily now. Andrew is not eating at all….just a little water…his mouth is so dry. He had fever, sweating and clammy skin last night. The assisted living care partners are afraid the fever could be COVD19….we have had one die and yesterday 4 tested positive. Hospice doesn't think it is the virus but the progression of the cancer. We are in lockdown…..which is a shame….this is when Hospice would be telling us it is time for the family to come. She said it is about making him comfortable. His heart rate is staying about 140+…sounds awfully high to me. The pain meds seem to be doing their job. Sleeping a lot. It is so hard for me to sit here, alone, seeing the pain on his face. I think I had mentioned tumors on his back….I noticed a small bump this morning right about his hairline…..will watch and see if more come or it gets larger. I thought dying would be peaceful. Not so for him or me. 🙏

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Your post is heartbreaking to read, @turtle115 I am so very sorry to read of your husband's condition and your being on lockdown. I am sure it is of little solace, but it must be good to be close by. My brother-in-law was just put into the hospital and his wife cannot even enter the building.

I hope you are somewhat comforted knowing hospice is there. Hospice made a world of difference for my wife and provided her exceptional care.
Wishing you continued strength, courage, and peace

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@turtle115

Hospice will be coming daily now. Andrew is not eating at all….just a little water…his mouth is so dry. He had fever, sweating and clammy skin last night. The assisted living care partners are afraid the fever could be COVD19….we have had one die and yesterday 4 tested positive. Hospice doesn't think it is the virus but the progression of the cancer. We are in lockdown…..which is a shame….this is when Hospice would be telling us it is time for the family to come. She said it is about making him comfortable. His heart rate is staying about 140+…sounds awfully high to me. The pain meds seem to be doing their job. Sleeping a lot. It is so hard for me to sit here, alone, seeing the pain on his face. I think I had mentioned tumors on his back….I noticed a small bump this morning right about his hairline…..will watch and see if more come or it gets larger. I thought dying would be peaceful. Not so for him or me. 🙏

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@turtle115 My heart aches for you, and for your husband. Is there any music that would comfort you both, or recitations that may ease you? Are you able to do Facetime or Skype type family gathering? We are here for you.
Ginger

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