Downsizing, To Move or Not to Move? That is the Question

It might be helpful to contact an eldercare professional, Ed's link might give you a start:
https://agingfamilysolutions.com/meet-the-founder
Also, contact your state or county. For example, Minnesota has resources to get you started through their Senior Linkage Line:
https://mn.gov/senior-linkage-line/
Google for "senior services [your location]" to find resources in your state or county.

Here's a link from the site I mentioned.
It may help you find a care professional in your home town.
< https://www.aginglifecare.org/Shared_Content/ALCA_Directory/ALCA_Find_an_Expert.aspx;

Struggling with move to a retirement home in different city even though our daughter lives there. Dreading giving up hometown, neighborhood, church, home. I suffer from depression, separation anxiety and panic attacks. Having trouble controlling emotions. Moving out of state so losing support of therapist and phycologist. Fear of losing control and having no professional support.

This is a major life change which will take time to process and so there aren’t any magic ways to get over it overnight, but there are ways to make it easier.

I’m not clear if you have already picked the retirement community. But if you haven’t, I would consider the moving/adjustment assistance it will provide in the decision. Some do more than others as part of the process and some provide extra pay services like down-sizing expertise and hands-on help. If already committed to a community, I would learn of and plan to use all of their relevant services.

I would ask my daughter or another trusted person to further help with investigating the available services.

Actually our daughter and her husband have done almost everything. I believe the problem is my total loss of control and how quickly things are happening. I always knew something like this would happen, however all this has occurred since Nov 1st and we be moved by 16 Jan. Not leaving the house in condition to sell, just a lot of details I would like to handle myself and being given no chance to do so. I know they are doing what they believe best but it has kind of thrown me for a loop since we are leveling an area we retired to 32 years ago. Not sure how I will handle all this.

Thanks for more fully explaining this issue. We all react when we feel we have lost control in our lives and tend to cling to the known past, instead of look toward the unknown future.

I’m hoping that your preferences were considered when your new home was chosen. If so, my plan would be to focus, as much as possible, on what I like about my new home and what modifications I could make and possessions I would bring to make it home.

Change is hard and unsettling. I wish you well and believe that you can do this successfully.

I’m very sorry you feel such loss of control! Have you spoken to your daughter about how their decisions make you feel?

My husband and don’t need that kind of level of care at this point, but I am already talking with my daughter about our wishes for the future. I really hope she and my sons will honor them and we will be able to make those necessary decisions together.

Llnd2sey-
Above all, what do you need to recreate a home that will support your most important everyday ways of living, of taking care of your daily needs? These will give you strength of identity in your new location.
Is there someone (your therapist?) who can come to your home now and help you make these decisions?
This is a very difficult situation, and I hope you can get some immediate help.
Ed

Thank you.

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I’m 72 and my husband is 69. We will be relocating from a warm climate to a colder climate in 2025. This is in order to be near kids. I dread the climate change. Okay with all of it - just not icy sidewalks and cold, grey days.
I fear being trapped indoors.
Thoughts?