Spouse becoming less supportive?

I guess she's afraid of "losing" me to another woman, so it's a matter of overkill: she is prohibiting me from attending events where this female musician might be in the same building.

It's ironic and frustrating to be accused of infidelity at this stage in my life, when I am totally unarmed.

@bluegill
You see - I knew immediately that it is just this one specific activity and not all that you listed in your first post ; ).

She just hates that one lady with whom you spend time away from home. Infidelity comes in many forms, sex is just one of them. I am NOT insinuating by any means that you have romantic infatuation with another lady, I am just saying that your wife is suspecting it and it should be acknowledged and remedied.

Just find another "singing partner", and all will be well. 😎

It might look crazy to you but for your wife it is very real and obviously very upsetting, so is that "song bird" worth all of this anguish ? If your wife was controlling and jealous and not sportive her whole life than we would have different problem here, but she was not ! This is the first time she has an objection and this problem can so easily be fixed 😉.

@shalom7777777

🤗💖 - just sending extra hugs and blessings back : ))

@surftohealth88

Also it is very possible your Libido or not, the threat/jealousy comes from knowing you are getting a supportive/attention group of sorts and she is not part of it.....they can be pretty or handsome with no sexual encounter activity but she wasn't born yesterday and realizes how lucky she is to have you.
Try as others mentioned, dates, dinners of things you both can enjoy and let you not be the focus point make it the two of you the focus point.

Take care,

Ray

Sounds like she may benefit from joining a spousal (caregiver) support group. Are there any in your area you might lead her to? I know it helped me when my wife was battling cancer. The feelings I was having at that time were new and the group was pivotal in my being able to identify and healthily process those feelings. Best wishes!

It could be support fatigue. It could be jealousy. It could be wishing for the old days. All good possibilities, but it would make sense to have some really open discussion about it with the help of a couples counselor. I’m a PCa survivor, but my day job is individual therapist for addictions , depression, anxiety, etc. Many of my clients also see a couples counselor and the reports are overwhelmingly positive. Especially around communication. I’m inspired by all you are doing to personally stay balanced.

@bluegill

I agree with others. Find something to do with her that she likes and let her know how important she is in your life.

My wife has always been supportive of my prostate cancer but she also has complicated comorbidities. I think that I was far luckier with the Prostate cancer than my wife and her issues. When she has questioned me about being ok with taking care of her as I do (mostly physical stuff and emotional when I recognize it), I tell her that things could have been reversed and we just never know how caring for one another in a marriage is going to turn out. She lives a life in pain and discomfort and that could have been me. I tell her that I love her and make every attempt to back it up with my actions. I try to think of things that she might enjoy every day with some success...but I still annoy the crap out of her, at times.

She has taken away my concerts, meditation, and sound baths. Is that love?

@bluegill It sounds like a rough time for both of you. Have you asked her how she's feeling? You might have to listen to a lot of harsh (and sometimes unfair) stuff at first without defending yourself, but it can be a good starting point for rebuilding a relationship inside your new cancer reality.

I found the book "Feeling Good Together" helpful for mending a relationship with a family member (not my spouse) some years ago. It's by a top clinical psychologist: short, practical, and very readable:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5680626-feeling-good-together

@mjp0512
Ancan.Org has a support group for caregivers. It happens on the first and third Tuesday of every month at 5 PM Pacific time.

You need to install goto meeting To attend the meetings, It is free to download and use on every platform. Put in answercancer as the meeting name to join.