School age kids having behavioral problems in school

Posted by safetyshield @safetyshield, Oct 13, 2016

With the age of communication access. Kids are exposed to all types of information that can be confusing and disturbing. This exposure can cause behavioral changes to children that can effect their grades, physical problems and social behaviors in school and at home. As a child growing up with a disability I was bullied throughout 7 years in school. With the teachers and administration doing nothing. Not having the skills needed to resolve the bullying I was scared with the bullying for years to come. Now I have the knowledge and skills to deal with bullying and would like to share this with you all

@ethanmcconkey

Hi @pamelalacella. You may have noticed that I moved your post to this existing discussion on bullying. Click VIEW& REPLY in the email so you can see the advice given by other users @safetyshield, @mamacita and @rosemarya.

I also wanted to share this resource from Mayo about bullying: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/bullying/art-20044918?_ga=2.252386891.393714548.1540341234-907509267.1534990459

It must be so heart breaking for you as a parent to see your child be afraid to go to school. You mentioned that you have made complaints to the principal and have discussed things with the teacher. What have their responses been? Do you feel like they are in your corner in trying to stop this bullying and help your son?

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Thank you, yes it is difficult especially seeing how it's now affecting his everyday life, I don't feel like the principal has done enough, I mean it's been going on for two years, the school is in a small tight knit community, everyone knows everyone so I feel that's one of the issues, the principal doesn't want to be seen as being harsh. So what is did was I went to community police and I spoke with them, so a meeting is scheduled for next Thursday with all interested parties, I'm waiting to see what's coming out of it because I believe the child who's bullying my son as well as his siblings need help, they're behaving the way they're being treated, I'm hoping for a positive outcome.

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@pamelacelia

Thank you, yes it is difficult especially seeing how it's now affecting his everyday life, I don't feel like the principal has done enough, I mean it's been going on for two years, the school is in a small tight knit community, everyone knows everyone so I feel that's one of the issues, the principal doesn't want to be seen as being harsh. So what is did was I went to community police and I spoke with them, so a meeting is scheduled for next Thursday with all interested parties, I'm waiting to see what's coming out of it because I believe the child who's bullying my son as well as his siblings need help, they're behaving the way they're being treated, I'm hoping for a positive outcome.

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I am very sad to hear about what your son is experiencing at school. As a mom, I send you my sincere hopes and prayers that this issue will be addressed for the sake of your son, and for all the others who are involved in any way.
All too often these things go unaddressed because no one speaks up. So, good for you for looking out for your child.

When I was employed in a school setting, I was told, too often in bullying situations, to keep notes/documentation. However it did little good because 'we had to wait' until something happened. From what you are telling here, this seems to have gone on too long already.
I suggest that you take all documentation with you (reports to school, reports to teachers, and child self reports, etc.) Also, enter this meeting in a spirit on non confrontation you can get more accomplished. However, "if" the other child's parent or guardian does show up, be prepared for a possible verbal confrontation and denial.
Who has arranged the meeting? Who will be participating? Are any other children being bullied?

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@rosemarya

I am very sad to hear about what your son is experiencing at school. As a mom, I send you my sincere hopes and prayers that this issue will be addressed for the sake of your son, and for all the others who are involved in any way.
All too often these things go unaddressed because no one speaks up. So, good for you for looking out for your child.

When I was employed in a school setting, I was told, too often in bullying situations, to keep notes/documentation. However it did little good because 'we had to wait' until something happened. From what you are telling here, this seems to have gone on too long already.
I suggest that you take all documentation with you (reports to school, reports to teachers, and child self reports, etc.) Also, enter this meeting in a spirit on non confrontation you can get more accomplished. However, "if" the other child's parent or guardian does show up, be prepared for a possible verbal confrontation and denial.
Who has arranged the meeting? Who will be participating? Are any other children being bullied?

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Thank you for your kind words, for the meeting, the community police will be present as well as the parents of the child and myself, this child who is bullying my son, it would seem he comes from a troubled home, there are complaints about him and his siblings every day up to this morning I was in the office and parents came in to make a complaint about his brother and the teacher said their mother was there just yesterday, so it's an ongoing issue, if the problem isn't treated at home, the children will continue to bully other kids including my son because it seems it's the only way they know to express themselves, I went to the police not only to help my son but to help them as well, they are young, they can still be saved. The parents know what the children do, they've never shown any aggression towards me or behaved in a confrontational manner. I just want the matter resolved and the children to get the necessary help they need, I'm doing what I need to for my son but these children need someone to stand up for them.

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@pamelacelia

Thank you for your kind words, for the meeting, the community police will be present as well as the parents of the child and myself, this child who is bullying my son, it would seem he comes from a troubled home, there are complaints about him and his siblings every day up to this morning I was in the office and parents came in to make a complaint about his brother and the teacher said their mother was there just yesterday, so it's an ongoing issue, if the problem isn't treated at home, the children will continue to bully other kids including my son because it seems it's the only way they know to express themselves, I went to the police not only to help my son but to help them as well, they are young, they can still be saved. The parents know what the children do, they've never shown any aggression towards me or behaved in a confrontational manner. I just want the matter resolved and the children to get the necessary help they need, I'm doing what I need to for my son but these children need someone to stand up for them.

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Who arranged the meeting? Will a school representative be there, for example a guidance counselor, social worker, or principal?
In my experience, this works better if there is full representation from the start.

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@rosemarya

Who arranged the meeting? Will a school representative be there, for example a guidance counselor, social worker, or principal?
In my experience, this works better if there is full representation from the start.

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The meeting will be taking place at the school so yes, the principal will be there as well as the class teacher to bear witness to anything she may have observed, the police officer who arranged the meeting will be there as well as myself and the parents of the other child.

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I will be thinking about you. I hope that there is some positive action will come out of this – for your family and for the other family.

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@rosemarya

I will be thinking about you. I hope that there is some positive action will come out of this – for your family and for the other family.

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Thank you so much

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Hi @pamelacelia I just wanted to check in about the progress of the bullying situation at school. How did the meeting go, and how are things with your son? Hoping the situation has improved.

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@ayeshasharma

Hi @pamelacelia I just wanted to check in about the progress of the bullying situation at school. How did the meeting go, and how are things with your son? Hoping the situation has improved.

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Hello and thank you for your concern, yes the situation was resolved satisfactorily. My son is doing better in terms of he's not afraid to go to school anymore however he's since been diagnosed with ASD, and unfortunately our country doesn't have much resources in place at mainstream schools for special needs children, so he's isn't coping so well with the academic side of things but I'm doing what I can to help him. Thanks again.

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@pamelacelia I'm so glad to hear the situation was resolved. It's one thing to be different and another to be bullied and tortured for it. And from what you said there are issues that the other children are facing as well. A younger relative of mine was diagnosed with ASD relatively recently, and she happens to live in an area with a supportive special needs community. I commend you for all you're doing to help your son because I know how much strength and energy it takes to provide your child with the environment he needs to succeed and flourish.

Here's an article on small things teachers can do: https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/12-things-id-teachers-understand-about-autism

Have you found that teachers are willing to make an effort?

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@ayeshasharma

@pamelacelia I'm so glad to hear the situation was resolved. It's one thing to be different and another to be bullied and tortured for it. And from what you said there are issues that the other children are facing as well. A younger relative of mine was diagnosed with ASD relatively recently, and she happens to live in an area with a supportive special needs community. I commend you for all you're doing to help your son because I know how much strength and energy it takes to provide your child with the environment he needs to succeed and flourish.

Here's an article on small things teachers can do: https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/12-things-id-teachers-understand-about-autism

Have you found that teachers are willing to make an effort?

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Thank you, there are schools for special needs but it's expensive, therapies are expensive, because it's not more mainstream I think and also there's very little support from government for the special needs community on the whole. My son's teacher honestly I feel like she can try a little more with him but I don't know, things are so different here, the education system is archaic in my opinion, it is complete academic learning, there is no exception for different learners, most days my son will go to school and come home without doing anything at all because he hates to write but tablets and laptops are not allowed so he's missing out on what is being taught. I'm trying however, I don't push him, I work with him according to what he can handle.

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@pamelacelia

Thank you, there are schools for special needs but it's expensive, therapies are expensive, because it's not more mainstream I think and also there's very little support from government for the special needs community on the whole. My son's teacher honestly I feel like she can try a little more with him but I don't know, things are so different here, the education system is archaic in my opinion, it is complete academic learning, there is no exception for different learners, most days my son will go to school and come home without doing anything at all because he hates to write but tablets and laptops are not allowed so he's missing out on what is being taught. I'm trying however, I don't push him, I work with him according to what he can handle.

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@pamelacelia
Hi!
I just saw your post and quickly read through some other posts from you.
You live in Trinidad?
I am a former teacher, principal and special education co-director, so I know a little bit about special education in the US.
Of course, not being from your country, I am at a loss for specifics.
Even though there are many programs for children with special needs, in the US, many parents are not aware of the ins and outs, as well as their rites.
At each and every meeting, the parent is given a booklet that spells it all out, but they don't take the time to read it.
That being said, I would like to suggest that you do some computer research to find out what the rules and regulations (or laws) say about special education.
You want to make sure you know as much as possible so that no one pulls the wall over your eyes and take advantage of your lack of knowledge.
You want to be sure that your child is getting all that is legally possible.
You might do a search…
"Special education laws in Trinidad", to start.

Good luck!!
Ronnie (GRANDMAr)

PS….You might want to do the same thing with regard to bullying in school. In the US, each and every school was mandated to have a plan in place to deal with such situations. Do they all obey the plans? No!

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@grandmar

@pamelacelia
Hi!
I just saw your post and quickly read through some other posts from you.
You live in Trinidad?
I am a former teacher, principal and special education co-director, so I know a little bit about special education in the US.
Of course, not being from your country, I am at a loss for specifics.
Even though there are many programs for children with special needs, in the US, many parents are not aware of the ins and outs, as well as their rites.
At each and every meeting, the parent is given a booklet that spells it all out, but they don't take the time to read it.
That being said, I would like to suggest that you do some computer research to find out what the rules and regulations (or laws) say about special education.
You want to make sure you know as much as possible so that no one pulls the wall over your eyes and take advantage of your lack of knowledge.
You want to be sure that your child is getting all that is legally possible.
You might do a search…
"Special education laws in Trinidad", to start.

Good luck!!
Ronnie (GRANDMAr)

PS….You might want to do the same thing with regard to bullying in school. In the US, each and every school was mandated to have a plan in place to deal with such situations. Do they all obey the plans? No!

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Thank you and yes we live in Trinidad, I have joined several local groups on fb and have tried to find out as much as I can, but special education isn't a part of the mainstream school carriculum, children have to attend private institutions which is quite costly, a simple 1/2 hr of occupational therapy can cost $350TT or more. One of the groups I've joined has been requesting a meeting with the education minister for so long, they formed a petition which has over 15000 signatures and the ministry refuses to acknowledge the request, so that should give you an idea of the struggle. The resources are very limited, this country is so small and honestly the differently abled and special needs individuals are continually overlooked, sure the authorities will come out and say they have this in place and that but parents can't seen to be able to find these many resources, even getting a government assisted grants are difficult, this past week there was a release by government saying a grant will be made available for special needs/disabled but parents and caregivers have to jump through hoops to access it and sometimes the application isn't even successful. Another example I can give is my own experience. When my son was diagnosed with ASD in March, the Dr wrote a report and gave it to me to present to the school principal so an aide can be assigned to him as well as concessions during exams, the principal assured me he'll give it the school's social worker the following week when she came to visit. He had a Dr's appointment last Monday and she asked if he was able to get an aide, so I told her not yet, I went the very next day to speak with the principal again only to be told he gave the report to the social worker just the week before at the beginning of the school term. So he had the report for months and didn't hand it in, parents and caregivers complain that request for aides had been made for years and none were forthcoming. It's an uphill battle honestly. It's like society just overlooks the most vulnerable.

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@pamelacelia It seems like some serious change is due, but structural issues are the most difficult to navigate. Sometimes you can keep advocating for better resources and treatment but there's a deeper societal issue at hand. Have you managed to find a supportive community in these Facebook groups, as far as emotional support goes?

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@ayeshasharma

@pamelacelia It seems like some serious change is due, but structural issues are the most difficult to navigate. Sometimes you can keep advocating for better resources and treatment but there's a deeper societal issue at hand. Have you managed to find a supportive community in these Facebook groups, as far as emotional support goes?

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Definitely there are issues, mostly societal and like I mentioned with the limited resources available. I really expected the groups to be like this one, where a person can post about an issue or concern or ask a question and the community will try to assist as best they can but so far it hasn't really been like that, the group admins mostly post links to articles and workshops, but honestly it's all about what the groups are trying to accomplish but basically they're stagnated due to lack of dialogue with the relevant authorities. Someone will try to answer the questions but the support is lacking.

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