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safetyshield
@safetyshield

Posts: 215
Joined: May 24, 2016

School age kids having behavioral problems in school

Posted by @safetyshield, Oct 13, 2016

With the age of communication access. Kids are exposed to all types of information that can be confusing and disturbing. This exposure can cause behavioral changes to children that can effect their grades, physical problems and social behaviors in school and at home. As a child growing up with a disability I was bullied throughout 7 years in school. With the teachers and administration doing nothing. Not having the skills needed to resolve the bullying I was scared with the bullying for years to come. Now I have the knowledge and skills to deal with bullying and would like to share this with you all

REPLY

SafetyShield, I’m grateful that you started this discussion. I have a 13 year old daughter and I’ve always been on the lookout for signs that she may be bullied. She has a timid nature and thus a relatively easy target. What are the signs that a parent should look out for? How do these signs change as a child gets older?

@colleenyoung

SafetyShield, I’m grateful that you started this discussion. I have a 13 year old daughter and I’ve always been on the lookout for signs that she may be bullied. She has a timid nature and thus a relatively easy target. What are the signs that a parent should look out for? How do these signs change as a child gets older?

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In a teenager she is physically going through some changes with her body and emotionally. Tween to Teenager is a rollercoaster of emotions. This is an age when social acceptance is important to her. Discuss with her about body change and the need for social acceptance from her peers. She should know that it is good for her to find what interests her hobbies, sports etc . In a child becoming a teen and possibly being bullied. The bully will target her for looks and body image. This is what is important in a teenager. So that is what the bully will look to attack. A sign at her age would also be depression poor self image and wanting to fit in to the right crowd or popular group without regard to whether their activities are safe for her. As a child gets older in adolescents they are looking at the opposite sex and what tools she needs to get accepted. Again body imagine. It is important in all stages of a childs development that the parent is there allowing the child to have an open communication with the parent on issues that are important to them. Try to stay away from steering your child to your topics and focus and what their needs are. I hope this was helpful and I know more discussions are needed to that the parents needs are met in this most difficult task of parenting

@colleenyoung

SafetyShield, I’m grateful that you started this discussion. I have a 13 year old daughter and I’ve always been on the lookout for signs that she may be bullied. She has a timid nature and thus a relatively easy target. What are the signs that a parent should look out for? How do these signs change as a child gets older?

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Thank you for this @safetyshield. You are so right about the rollercaoster of emotions and the importance of social acceptance in the young teenager.

I recently read an enlightening excerpt and critique from Lisa Damour’s book “Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood” by the Globe and Mail http://bit.ly/1X65h5j
The article starts out with “A teenage girl is a force of nature, with emotions so powerful they shock even her. In this exclusive excerpt, psychotherapist Lisa Damour uses neuroscience to help parents – and anyone perplexed by teenage girls – understand what’s really going on in their heads” I plan to read the book.

It is a challenge to decipher what is normal body image perception in this age group and what is a signal that there’s something wrong. Sure the extreme cases are easy to spot, but it’s the middle ground that’s an issue. I try to create a space where she feels safe to talk. Often it’s when were driving or after school when I’m washing dishes and she’s having her snack. Both activities we’re together but not sitting face-to-face. That seems to be the ticket.

There are so many theories about development in a child from Freud infancy stages, Ericson eight stages from childhood to adult, which is the one I like. As well as counseling techniques You just have to pick the one that is best for your child. Adolescents to adulthood is so full of a roller coaster of changes and emotions is a wonder how people all do not land up with medications. But with the parent being there for their child in need and patience and of course guidance there all make it through. What is through? I can not say! Good luck

Thank you for starting this topic @safetyshield It is of interest to me too.
I have one daughter who will be three years next February.
She recently started to go to daycare. One day she kept saying “I didn’t want to go to daycare. I was embarrassed because I am laughed at by everyone”. After my husband and I heard this comment, we were very shocked because this is the first time she mentioned her anxiety about the school. I gently asked her why she thought that way and also I asked teachers why she started saying this, however; I couldn’t find out why she said that at that time. She doesn’t say anything like that any more. However, I learned that this is a new life challenge for every parent. How can we best support our children when they face struggles at the school? How can we know the signals that there’s something wrong? It is sometimes hard to understand and control my feelings as a parent.

@hironopiro make sure your child feeling that she can come to you and talk about what ever is on her mind either with play or just having a conversation. sETTING the mood and environment is up to you. And as always you know your child best so knowing her behaviors you should take notice if her behavior is a little off. Either through verbal remarks or nonverbal behavior. And it is good for you to question your daughter is see if anything is bothering her. If she says something about school get as much detail you can from her and if need be intervene for her at school. Be a parent and detective when needed. Keep your responses as positive as possible this will encourage your child to communicate with you for both good topics and bad. She is still young so be patient and creative with your questioning. As she gets older she will feel at ease to talk to you. From what you wrote about her verbalizing that she does not what to back to daycare and why was really great for her age. Keep on top of her experiences in daycare and keeping her positive to talk to you

Thank you very much @safetyshield. These is very helpful advice and information. I appreciate your kind words. I agree with that my positive responses will encourage my child to communicate with me for both good and bad topics. I believe this is the important thing to keep in mind for raising a child for every parent.

Another concern I have is for parents with children who have special needs. Sometimes when people see children with special needs they interpret their behavior incorrectly and think that the parents have poor parenting skills. Without enough knowledge and information they may blame or speak unfavorably of the parents.

The reason I mentioned this is because one of my friends has a child with ADHD. She shared with me that she struggles with how she should behave with her child in public. She feels like she is being watched and sometimes people caution her about her child because her child acts up sometimes in public. She says she tries her best to discipline her child, however; her child doesn’t listen and doesn’t care about consequences.

How can a parent protect her child and educate the public?

@hironopiro You have a good question. So to answer your question I will give you my personal experience as a person with a physical disability and as a professional. First educating the public can be done in two ways one is by seeing. While you are out with your child people see how the child behaves in public as well as how you behave. Without any verbal or physical interaction. The public makes a conclusion just on what they see. For me it is a positive observation when they see me in public walking around being independent seeing this they may conclude that a person with a physical disability can be independent. Another way to educate the public is to get to your schools or parent organizations and lecture about your childs condition. Every bit helps. You will never be able to change or educate everyone and someone some where will act inappropriately to your child. Just know that so you do not feel you failed. It is just that. Your friends ADHD child can be a challenge. I would have your friend talk to her doctor about medication for her childs ADHD behavior. I know that is a hard reality but some times medication is necessary for the safety and well being of the child. Your friend I am sure is doing her best with her child but I would also look into support groups in her area for her own mental health. These other parents can share stories and things that did for child that might be helpful to your friend. I hope I have answered your questions. But what it comes down to in children and the public is that you can not control the public or allways their environment the best thing to do is keep up with your and your friends support group contacts and be willing to evolve.

@safetyshield

@hironopiro You have a good question. So to answer your question I will give you my personal experience as a person with a physical disability and as a professional. First educating the public can be done in two ways one is by seeing. While you are out with your child people see how the child behaves in public as well as how you behave. Without any verbal or physical interaction. The public makes a conclusion just on what they see. For me it is a positive observation when they see me in public walking around being independent seeing this they may conclude that a person with a physical disability can be independent. Another way to educate the public is to get to your schools or parent organizations and lecture about your childs condition. Every bit helps. You will never be able to change or educate everyone and someone some where will act inappropriately to your child. Just know that so you do not feel you failed. It is just that. Your friends ADHD child can be a challenge. I would have your friend talk to her doctor about medication for her childs ADHD behavior. I know that is a hard reality but some times medication is necessary for the safety and well being of the child. Your friend I am sure is doing her best with her child but I would also look into support groups in her area for her own mental health. These other parents can share stories and things that did for child that might be helpful to your friend. I hope I have answered your questions. But what it comes down to in children and the public is that you can not control the public or allways their environment the best thing to do is keep up with your and your friends support group contacts and be willing to evolve.

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@safetyshield I want to thank you for starting this informative discussion. I taught for many years, and I wish I knew as much at beginning as I have learned now! I am really interested in reading all of this from your own personal perspective both professionally, and as one who lived with bullying.
I agree, that communication is the best thing. Communication is two way conversation. And it depends on age of child.
Also I encourage parents to get to know the child’s friends.
Rosemary

@hironopiro

Thank you for starting this topic @safetyshield It is of interest to me too.
I have one daughter who will be three years next February.
She recently started to go to daycare. One day she kept saying “I didn’t want to go to daycare. I was embarrassed because I am laughed at by everyone”. After my husband and I heard this comment, we were very shocked because this is the first time she mentioned her anxiety about the school. I gently asked her why she thought that way and also I asked teachers why she started saying this, however; I couldn’t find out why she said that at that time. She doesn’t say anything like that any more. However, I learned that this is a new life challenge for every parent. How can we best support our children when they face struggles at the school? How can we know the signals that there’s something wrong? It is sometimes hard to understand and control my feelings as a parent.

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@hironopiro I hope that your daughter is adjusting to day care, and that the issue of being laughed at was not a continuing issue. 3 year olds are adorable!! One suggestion I have for parents of young kids, is to make the discussion/question thing into a ‘play’ sort of thing. For instance, have one stuffed animal that you hold ask another stuffed animal that child holds, a question. By using cute creative little voices, it can become fun, and you might get some of the information that you seek. Just an idea.
My own boys’ teddy bears could get more information out of them than I ever could coax out! And eventually teddy provided the opportunity to teach appropriate behaviors by using poor teddy as a misbehaving bear who sometimes needed to be set straight in his ways.
Rosemary

@safetyshield

@hironopiro You have a good question. So to answer your question I will give you my personal experience as a person with a physical disability and as a professional. First educating the public can be done in two ways one is by seeing. While you are out with your child people see how the child behaves in public as well as how you behave. Without any verbal or physical interaction. The public makes a conclusion just on what they see. For me it is a positive observation when they see me in public walking around being independent seeing this they may conclude that a person with a physical disability can be independent. Another way to educate the public is to get to your schools or parent organizations and lecture about your childs condition. Every bit helps. You will never be able to change or educate everyone and someone some where will act inappropriately to your child. Just know that so you do not feel you failed. It is just that. Your friends ADHD child can be a challenge. I would have your friend talk to her doctor about medication for her childs ADHD behavior. I know that is a hard reality but some times medication is necessary for the safety and well being of the child. Your friend I am sure is doing her best with her child but I would also look into support groups in her area for her own mental health. These other parents can share stories and things that did for child that might be helpful to your friend. I hope I have answered your questions. But what it comes down to in children and the public is that you can not control the public or allways their environment the best thing to do is keep up with your and your friends support group contacts and be willing to evolve.

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Communication is at any age it’s how you communicate that is according to the childs age. Verbally or With assistant devices or visual aides I do agree with you that parent’s should get to know everything about their child’s life. The more you know the more you can help the child through their developmental years

Thank you very much for sharing information @safetyshield. I agree with that it is hard to accept the reality, especially children need medication for the special needs. I also believe support groups and communities help those parents and families mentally. I will keep in mind that it is important to have a appropriate communication with each stage of age.

Liked by safetyshield

I have two things to add to this discussion that are based on my prior teaching experiences.
First is the importance of a two-way conversation – both talk and both listen. All too often, I have seen the results of ‘parent only talk’ having a negative effect on the child’s ability to communicate in school, most evident in early grades.
Second is that medication is sometimes necessary. Parent and doctor and educators/therapists need to work together with the child’s needs and progress. Communication and cooperation are must.
Rosemary

My son is 7 years old, for the last two years he's been bullied at school, there is one boy in particular who bullies him, he's stabbed my son with a pencil in his back, hit him on his private area, pelt him with stones, hit him in his eye, take away his snacks and money and the list goes on. I'm starting to see some negative behaviors in my son, he's not sleeping well, he's not doing his school work, his teacher told me he stays by himself and doesn't associate with the other children. Now he doesn't want to sleep by himself he wants to stay with us in our bed, he is afraid to go to school, everyday he tells me he's doesn't want to go. Unfortunately nothing is being done by the school, I've made several complaints to the principal, he's threatened to suspend the boy who's bullying my son, he's threatened to call the police, yet nothing is happening, others boys are bullying my son as well so it's even harder on him. I'm frustrated I don't know what do, the well being of my son is at stake here.
Any advice or suggestions will be most welcomed.

Hi @pamelalacella. You may have noticed that I moved your post to this existing discussion on bullying. Click VIEW& REPLY in the email so you can see the advice given by other users @safetyshield, @mamacita and @rosemarya.

I also wanted to share this resource from Mayo about bullying: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/bullying/art-20044918?_ga=2.252386891.393714548.1540341234-907509267.1534990459

It must be so heart breaking for you as a parent to see your child be afraid to go to school. You mentioned that you have made complaints to the principal and have discussed things with the teacher. What have their responses been? Do you feel like they are in your corner in trying to stop this bullying and help your son?

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