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Ridiculous coping mechanisms

Posted by ktcosmos @ktcosmos, Mar 17 5:04pm

Has anyone else created a name for dementia to symbolically separate it from your loved one? I’ve taken to calling it “that a—hole b—ch” while pointing to a corner where I’d like “it” to stay.

It might be ridiculous, but today I finally finished my taxes after stopping and starting (plus days of failing to tackle them at all) multiple times in the past two months. My most major procrastination ever.

I think it helped to call dementia by its name and not allowing it to win this one skirmish, even though I know it will win in the end.

In addition to the oft-mentioned ambiguous loss, it seems to rob the caregiver of basic functionality at times. I can rattle off all needed info at my spouse’s doctor appointments while I sometimes draw a complete blank when asked questions at my own doctor appointments.

I’m so grateful for my support group and this forum.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 1 day ago
In reply to @grandmajoan "I need a way to handle the following. My husband and I are finally selling our..." + (show)
Profile picture for grandmajoan @grandmajoan

I need a way to handle the following. My husband and I are finally selling our house that we have lived in for 45 years. Needless to say there’s a lot of work involved in going through all of the books, drawers, closets, garage, basement, attic, etc. and deciding what to take and what to give away or throw away. We are lucky that the buyers of our house want a lot of our furniture.

My problem is that my husband thinks we do not need a mover and can do all the packing and moving in batches. I can barely get through each day helping him cope with his memory loss, handling all the meal prep, house maintenance, and financial management without also worrying about packing and moving. Any suggestions?

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@grandmajoan Get a mover, regardless of what hubbie thinks. My husband and I were forced to move out of house due to mold and water damage (that wasn't covered by insurance). It's been a fiasco, in and out of hotels, rentals, now we're in a rental until our house if fixed and i can sell it. which means another move. I couldn't have done it without the movers, the first time, with plans to get the mover again to where ever we go. Now I'm just trying to get into storage (the units not crammed packed) and try to get rid of things. It's been a fiasco. Your situation is mine and that of every caregiver, meal prep, doctors appointments, MRI's, petscans, infusions, financial management and making all the decisions, PS, get a mover. start sorting through your stuff, box it, and have your husband tape the box. That's where my husband came in, unless you are sorting "keep" piles, and having the movers box everything. Forty-five years in a house accumulates a lot of things. "Get a mover."
Best,

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gilkesl | @gilkesl | 1 day ago
In reply to @trishaanderson "@ktcosmos Yes, I also created a word for my husband's Alzheimer's. I call Alzheimer's"The B*stard." Years..." + (show)
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@ktcosmos
Yes, I also created a word for my husband's Alzheimer's.
I call Alzheimer's"The B*stard." Years ago, I was watching an old rerun of MASH, and Hawkeye was desperately trying to save a wounded soldier. He kept saying "don't let THE B*STARD win" "don't let THE B*STARD win". He was talking about the war, don't let the war win.
That's what I used to think to myself about Alzheimer's, "don't let THE B*STARD win. I'm very sad to say that after 14 years of fighting The B*stard, Alzheimer's is winning our war!

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@trishaanderson I think Hawkeye was talking about death. Don't let death win because Hawkeye as a trauma surgeon potentially had the ability to stop death in that acute situation. It's good to be angry.

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gilkesl | @gilkesl | 1 day ago
In reply to @kjc48 "Yes, he wants to do the dishes after we eat and let me tell you, it's..." + (show)
Profile picture for kjc48 @kjc48

Yes, he wants to do the dishes after we eat and let me tell you, it's like a scavenger hunt afterwards trying to find where everything is. Between that and trying to turn on the TV where we're renting a home right now, OMG, I need an MBA to undo what he does with this Smart TV, or however it's programmed. Every time I see him standing in front of it, I go bonkers....Yes, courage, clarity, God's light helping us every day and I've now added Coffee/caffeine first thing in the morning......
Again, thanks for the chuckle; I'm actually smiling this SUnday morning.

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@kjc48 You are doing a fine job and just have to figure out how to make life easier for both of you. For example: he washes, you dry and put away.; you hide the TV controllers, etc.

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kjc48 | @kjc48 | 23 hours ago
In reply to @gilkesl "@kjc48 You are doing a fine job and just have to figure out how to make..." + (show)
Profile picture for gilkesl @gilkesl

@kjc48 You are doing a fine job and just have to figure out how to make life easier for both of you. For example: he washes, you dry and put away.; you hide the TV controllers, etc.

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@gilkesl Yes you're right. He likes to do the dishes, so he's doing that. The TV controllers are still out! That's next.

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jatonlouise | @jatonlouise | 19 hours ago

I was surprised when we moved from the US to Germany, and from a huge house4 flors, to a 3 room apartment I had planned on doing all the packing of the boxes, but when I foud out they would pack up everything for only $500 I jumped on it like a chicken on a June Bug!

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