Ridiculous coping mechanisms

Posted by ktcosmos @ktcosmos, Mar 17 5:04pm

Has anyone else created a name for dementia to symbolically separate it from your loved one? I’ve taken to calling it “that a—hole b—ch” while pointing to a corner where I’d like “it” to stay.

It might be ridiculous, but today I finally finished my taxes after stopping and starting (plus days of failing to tackle them at all) multiple times in the past two months. My most major procrastination ever.

I think it helped to call dementia by its name and not allowing it to win this one skirmish, even though I know it will win in the end.

In addition to the oft-mentioned ambiguous loss, it seems to rob the caregiver of basic functionality at times. I can rattle off all needed info at my spouse’s doctor appointments while I sometimes draw a complete blank when asked questions at my own doctor appointments.

I’m so grateful for my support group and this forum.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Scott R L | @scottrl | Mar 17 8:52pm

If it helps you cope, then it isn't ridiculous.

mm180 | @mm180 | Mar 18 8:17am

I haven’t given it a name per se, but it has helped me to cope by making a clear delineation between my husband and he’s disease process. There are three entities in this relationship now. Me, him and this disease. It has helped me to mentally clarify “ this isn’t him doing this (whatever it is) to me, it is the disease, and what it’s doing to him”. I’m not real happy yo have this third entity in our relationship but it’s here nonetheless!

ocdogmom | @ocdogmom | Mar 18 5:08pm

I think it has helped me tremendously to be able to differentiate between the person and the disease. I can still love and care for my husband and hate the disease and what is doing to our hopes and dreams for our future.
The next most helpful realization for me was to get to the stage of acceptance in my grief process. Today I can accept what is. It took me about two years to get here and a lot of dementia education. Learning all that I could gave me a sense of control that I could do something that would make this journey less stressful and it has.

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Mar 18 5:43pm

@ktcosmos, this part of your post resonated with me "I can rattle off all needed info at my spouse’s doctor appointments while I sometimes draw a complete blank when asked questions at my own doctor appointments."

I accompany several family members to their medical appointments and am both the notetaker, researcher and question asker, and subsequently the plain language interpreter. I think I'm pretty good at it. But I'm terrible at asking questions, retaining information, etc at my own doctor appointments. Go figure!

trishaanderson | @trishaanderson | Mar 19 6:37am

@ktcosmos
Yes, I also created a word for my husband's Alzheimer's.
I call Alzheimer's"The B*stard." Years ago, I was watching an old rerun of MASH, and Hawkeye was desperately trying to save a wounded soldier. He kept saying "don't let THE B*STARD win" "don't let THE B*STARD win". He was talking about the war, don't let the war win.
That's what I used to think to myself about Alzheimer's, "don't let THE B*STARD win. I'm very sad to say that after 14 years of fighting The B*stard, Alzheimer's is winning our war!

kjc48 | @kjc48 | Mar 19 11:15am

In reply to @mm180 "I haven’t given it a name per se, but it has helped me to cope by..." + (show)

@mm180 I chuckled when I saw this, but I know there's nothing funny about this third person - called the disease. It's overwhelming, how much the third person consumes every breathing minute. I woke up this morning, like someone had plugged me into an electrical outlet. I have to work twice as hard to look half as good at 78 years old, and with this third person, there's no time to groom just consume with the disease attached to my husband. I yelled at him this morning, because I had only been up for 30 minutes, and had 8 things going at the same time for him and the disease. Yes, I'm not real happy either but it is what is it is, and it's how we choose to look at it everyday and deal with it. Courage, clarity, and God's light helping us every day. My morning mantra. Thanks for your note....I did chuckle when I saw it.

ktcosmos | @ktcosmos | Mar 20 1:13am

Even a chuckle or two every few days helps, right? I hear you on no time for basic grooming: I ask myself what should I address first: using the bathroom, stashing things I don’t want him to take and hide (like my sweatshirt u found in his pike of stuff), pay a couple bills before the day gets by me, or making a quick cup of coffee.

I’m glad I gave you a chuckle. Here’s a hug.

judimahoney | @judimahoney | Mar 20 8:23am

In reply to @ktcosmos "Even a chuckle or two every few days helps, right? I hear you on no time..." + (show)

@ktcosmos
Coffee first! Gorgeousness, later.

kjc48 | @kjc48 | 6 days ago

Yes, he wants to do the dishes after we eat and let me tell you, it's like a scavenger hunt afterwards trying to find where everything is. Between that and trying to turn on the TV where we're renting a home right now, OMG, I need an MBA to undo what he does with this Smart TV, or however it's programmed. Every time I see him standing in front of it, I go bonkers....Yes, courage, clarity, God's light helping us every day and I've now added Coffee/caffeine first thing in the morning......
Again, thanks for the chuckle; I'm actually smiling this SUnday morning.