Ready to throw in the towel ... never imagined I'd be this sad

@ I'm sorry you moved. I'm afraid if the time comes to move my children may move for business reasons or empty nest reasons.
I would know no one. As it is my husband and I really love where we live and stay in a lot.
You don't mention if you are ill.

Hi Margaret ..... No, I'm in good health ... had a knee replacement 2 years ago which is fine, and I'm in the process of getting dentures; otherwise, I'm fine. I loved where I lived before in MD ..... my own condo, friends, a church I loved, and I'd lived in that county for 35 years, so I knew it like the back of my hand. It was "home" ..... I've left all that behind. I'm trying to find new doctors and I have found a few, but I still go up to MD to see my therapist and my Psychiatrist - cyclothymia. I've been working with them for 15 years and I'm not about to change that. I go every other week, and drive home the same day. It's a tiring drive, but it's worth it. I wish my kids understood a little more, or tried to understand, how difficult it is to move when you're older and have just been through one loss after another ..... my father died from Alzheimer's, my husband of 40 years and I got divorced, and now I'm plunked in a new place which I neither like nor feel I fit into. And, on top of that, my X lives down this way .... he's about 45 min. from me, but for this area, people don't feel that's very far away. Just another chink in the puzzle. My girls are delighted I'm here, and have been so sweet to me, but what about me? Whose life is it anyhow? It took 4-5 years for me to finally decide to make the move ..... I think I made the wrong choice.
Abby

As you know moving is extremely traumatic, so first take very good care of<br>yourself (food, exercise, sleep) before you try to move forward from your<br>past. It seems you need an internal spark of passion or some inspiration in<br>your life and you probably need to consciously be more open for discovery<br>because this is the time you can try out new things to figure out what<br>moves you. There may be different events or classes you can try (in VA<br>public college is free for senior residents) or you could try volunteering.<br>It can be very fulfilling to help others and it helps get you out of your<br>own head as do hobbies like painting or yoga... when you can concentrate on<br>something it clears your mind from the unpleasant fretting you seem to be<br>experiencing and eventually find contentment. If you can take on the<br>responsibility of owning a pet, adopting an animal (or two) from a<br>shelter can bring much (unconditional) love into your life which could<br>satisfy the emptiness you seem to be experiencing. Even people who don't<br>particularly care that much about animals can be transformed into doting<br>obsessive pet lovers when they adopt (or you could try fostering a shelter<br>pet first ). Hope you adjust to your new life with purposeful openness so<br>you can search out and develop a social life near you without having to<br>rely on your children for any emotional support. Best of luck, Pale<br>

That's what I plan to do .... when I move about 10 miles from here to a Sr. Apt. Complex I do wan to get involved. I've got a cat and just 2 months ago had to put down my best bud ... Molly. She was my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and just the dearest little thing. She was a rescue from a puppy mill. I plan to get another dog when I move also. Unless a Cavie comes up for adoption, I can't afford a puppy, so I'll just see what comes along. I always have been very involved in my church, and hopefully I can find one that is at least similar ..... I'm Western Orthodox. So, I do plan to step it up a bit once I move over there. Thanks so much for your reply.
Abby

I'm 70 and for some reason just love to stay home. My husband, younger but not as healthy, works from home. We go everywhere together. We really enjoy each other's company. My fear is he will die and I will really feel alone because we're together all the time now. His parents were the same so to him it's perfectly normal.
Also, my mother never had neighbors in. She went to lunch monthly. She lived to be 99 and sharp as a tack. But towards the end she was lonely even though I visited often.
My friends all moved! At 65-70 to NC, TN, SC. Two died. We live in New England. So my kids have their lives at 50 and 45 and my friends retired and moved out of large homes to retirement communities.
I really like my life now but will be pretty alone if I outlive my husband.
Older age has come on very fast.
Thank God I'm not depressed about it but concerned about being alone if it comes to that.
I don't want to volunteer, join clubs, make friends now. So... It's going to be my fault if I'm alone later in life.

When I read your post, I just had to respond.

I have been retired for the last eight years. I am now 62 years old. Similar to you, I didn't mind being home all day. My husband of 43 years and I did many things together. We were best friends as well as husband and wife. Our friends were originally my husbands friends. He was a few years older than I so we chummed with his age group. Unfortunately my husband passed away in November 2014. He had been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer in December 2013. Prognosis was 2 weeks to 2 months. My husband lived for 11 months. I was his only caregiver for the entire time as his friends had drifted away and he was not comfortable with strangers in the house. My best and only friend (Judy) was also fighting cancer. She was my support throughout my husband's illness and death. I can never express my gratefulness to her for her support.

Nine months after my husband passed, my mother also passed away from cancer. A total shock as she had never been ill a day in her life and suddenly over a three day period she was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I was a mess. I managed to get by just putting one foot in front of the other. I have 2 sons (44 & 39 yrs. old) but both live a long distance from me. They also have their own lives to live and I didn't want to become a burden so when asked I said everything was okay.

My best friend Judy passed away this past June. Now I am by myself with no friends or family near by. I am depressed and have been seeing a psychiatrist for medications and counsellor to help me work through my feelings and emotions. Days go by when I don't see or talk to anybody.

I have been trying to make new friends since my husband died but it is not an easy task. I have tried joining a couple of groups but have found that most of the participants do not socialise outside the group setting.

What I want to pass on to you is don't put off making new friends or participating in things you like to do, either by yourself or with your husband. Keep your social circle alive. If your husband does pass before you, God forbid, it is a very lonely and sad place to be in. I am speaking from experience and don't know whether I will ever get beyond this loneliness, even though I keep trying to meet new people.

Hi Wendy .... thank you so much for sharing part of your life with me ... I feel honored. Yes, except for my 3 kids, who all have lives too, I have no family at all .... I'm the last of the MacPherson line in the U.S. and the ones in Nova Scotia are all gone also. My kids are great, but busy, which is good and right. When I moved from MD to VA I found that there are no Western Orthodox Churches down this way ... closest is 1-1/2 hrs. away. I visited 2 Eastern Ortho., but it's not a fit at all. Church was where my main support system came from before I moved down here. The folks in this particular area stick to themselves ..... they'll say "hi" and chat awhile, but when it comes to being open to an invitation, or visa versa, they stick with their own families. I'm really not used to that at all ... the town I came from in MD was very friendly, very open to new people, and just "real" people. And, similar to you, I have been seeing a therapist for 12 years and a Psychiatrist for the same length of time .... I take several meds. and I'm thankful for them. My X-husband (we were married for 42 years) lives about 45 min. from here, and while we do get along, it doesn't help to hear about how "wonderful" his life is ... from him, at family gatherings. I truly think I made a mistake moving here. It took me 4-5 years to finally decide to do it, but now I think it was a mistake. I still drive back up to MD to see my therapist and Psychiatrist every other week as down here, I am told by many folks that mental health help is sorely lacking. After 12 years, I'm not about to change. I'm home 90% of the time except when I need to go to the store, or visit my girls. Otherwise is pretty much a "waiting til the end." I'm sorry ..... I know that sounds awful, and I apologize; but, it is just the way it is. (It is nothing down here like it was where I spent the last 35 years.) I had to put my dog down 2 months ago, I do have a kitty.
Thank you again Wendy, for sharing part of your life with me. I really am honored.
Blessings, Abby

Hi Margaret .... like you, I am very much a home body. But, down here, nothing feels like home. I saw my therapist and Psychiatrist last Tuesday and finally got the diagnosis of Bipolar II, which is just a milder form of the Bipolar I we often think about. My "down"part is the most predominant - usually always there, rarely a day I don't wake up not wanting to get out of bed. The "up" part for me isn't manic as such, it's just high anxiety. The few times I have felt really good were reactions from meds. (Prednisone for hives), I went on total on-line shopping sprees. So, now I've got 2 CC's to pay off. When I do move about 15-20 miles from here to this "old age place" .... that's what I call it ...... I have got to get a job to get these cards paid off. I just want to feel "normal" .... whatever that is.
Abby

Don't give up my friend. Bless your heart Lindsay

My niece is bi-polar. She is a sweet heart when on her meds, she doesn't like the way they make her feel so she goes off them and is all over the place causing trouble. She has a child that she is mentally abusing. Thank God for her husband, he is the rock in that family. I hope he sticks it out.
I had another friend in Arizona that would go off her meds and then run off into the dessert and everyone had to look for her before she died of exposure.
My point....when they give you meds take them. Don't stop. Call the doctor and get them changed but keep taking them.
I wish you luck in getting a job and getting rid of your debt.
I hope we keep talking so you know you have a friend.