Ready to throw in the towel ... never imagined I'd be this sad

Posted by .harp player @amberpep, Sep 23, 2016

I hope I didn’t write this before, but I’m at my wits end. I’m 71, have lived in PA and then in MD for 35 years. Two of my 3 kids and their families live in VA. and they kept hounding me to move down. I didn’t want to do it. Finally after 4-5 years, I decided to do it. So here I am, and I hate this place. I wish I’d have never moved. I love being with my kids and their families, but they have lives so it’s only about once a week, which is understandable. I am so very sorry I moved here …. it’s been nothing but upheaval and trouble for me since I did. One thing after another. I see a therapist and Psychiatrist every other week for therapy and meds., but that’s 3 hours away. My kids just don’t “get it” ….. they don’t want to hear anything about me that might even be slightly negative. HIP HIP HOORAY! That’s my life as they think it should be. Well, it’s not. They have no idea what I mentally go through, and this move has just turned my world upside down in every possible way ….. physically, mentally, emotionally, financially (big time!). It feels like I’m just here, waiting for the end. I know this sounds like a pity party and I guess it is ….. I’m sorry. I just never imagined this point in my life would be this sad.


I’ll listen my family completely abandoned me when they found out that I had mental health issues like anxiety depression PTSD anxiety and I have sensory processing disorder and I’m probably on the autism spectrum somewhere. Most of my friends abandoned me I have a few friends that still keep up with me if they don’t want to hear anything about my problems they just want to hear the positive stuff so I’d rather be alone. I don’t feel like people get the right to just certain parts of my life they don’t get the joy and the happiness part they don’t experience or don’t support me with the emotional part. I feel like it’s a good thing for us to connect on sites like this because I think a lot of people are facing this type of discrimination from their families and when everyone’s life is going perfectly they don’t care about sick people and they don’t want to hear anything about it and I think it’s ridiculous I find it to be humiliating and degrading. I feel your pain I am empathetic towards it and I know exactly what you’re going through because I was dumped by my entire family and friends when I got my depression now for over a year now without any treatments or help my doctors don’t believe me my parents don’t believe me my friends don’t believe me physically I’ve been left in the dark for an entire year without working without friends without family support I basically have nothing. I don’t feel supported I don’t feel loved I don’t feel like anybody really cares. But I do care about you and I would like to hear more about what’s going on and how you cope things that you do to feel better but even if you aren’t feeling better I’ll hear about that part too because that’s most of my day 90% of my day is feeling completely horrible so I understand

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Amber, it is a strength to admit to your thoughts of jealously and envy. It appears that by recognizing them, you’ve set a plan of action. Namely before retreating to where you were, you are going to objectively look at both situations. I might recommend not only looking at the financial comparisons, but also the emotion, social and health pros and cons. Keep talking. We’re listening.

Liked by Kim


When I read your post, I just had to respond.

I have been retired for the last eight years. I am now 62 years old. Similar to you, I didn’t mind being home all day. My husband of 43 years and I did many things together. We were best friends as well as husband and wife. Our friends were originally my husbands friends. He was a few years older than I so we chummed with his age group. Unfortunately my husband passed away in November 2014. He had been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer in December 2013. Prognosis was 2 weeks to 2 months. My husband lived for 11 months. I was his only caregiver for the entire time as his friends had drifted away and he was not comfortable with strangers in the house. My best and only friend (Judy) was also fighting cancer. She was my support throughout my husband’s illness and death. I can never express my gratefulness to her for her support.

Nine months after my husband passed, my mother also passed away from cancer. A total shock as she had never been ill a day in her life and suddenly over a three day period she was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I was a mess. I managed to get by just putting one foot in front of the other. I have 2 sons (44 & 39 yrs. old) but both live a long distance from me. They also have their own lives to live and I didn’t want to become a burden so when asked I said everything was okay.

My best friend Judy passed away this past June. Now I am by myself with no friends or family near by. I am depressed and have been seeing a psychiatrist for medications and counsellor to help me work through my feelings and emotions. Days go by when I don’t see or talk to anybody.

I have been trying to make new friends since my husband died but it is not an easy task. I have tried joining a couple of groups but have found that most of the participants do not socialise outside the group setting.

What I want to pass on to you is don’t put off making new friends or participating in things you like to do, either by yourself or with your husband. Keep your social circle alive. If your husband does pass before you, God forbid, it is a very lonely and sad place to be in. I am speaking from experience and don’t know whether I will ever get beyond this loneliness, even though I keep trying to meet new people.

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Hi Margaret …. I have been writing to one of the Humane Societies the passed few days about a dog I’d like to meet. He, like my Molly, has spent most of his life in a kennel, and is afraid of everything, just like she was. He’s a lab/collie mix. I’m going to give them a call today and possibly go meet him. My kitty is sweet, but cats are totally different than dogs. My kids are 100% against my getting another dog … why? I have no idea. But then …. whose life is it anyhow? I’ve been here a year now, I think enough time to adjust, and so far it’s not working. My X lives only about 45 min. from here (we were married for 40 years) and that doesn’t help as I’m always hearing about all the “wonderful” things he’s doing, trips he’s taking, groups he leads, etc. He has a personality disorder so I know where it comes from, but it’s still hard to hear about from my kids.
I didn’t get the senior apartment, which is probably for the best. It would have given me a great place to isolate, which is my tendency anyhow.
Think I’ll give that animal shelter a call now.


Many thanks Colleen.

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