Ready to throw in the towel ... never imagined I'd be this sad

Oh, believe me ..... I have always followed their directions to a "T."
Abby

@amberprep

Abby sorry to hear that the move has been difficult for you but in my opinion is doesn't sound as if you fully embraced it. Making such a move after you have been in one location for 35 years is very difficult your roots go deep. You doctor's should be able to help you find doctors closer to you. You sound like you are in good health. Have you looked into volunteering at a local hospital, library or even an elementary school.

You must accept that you will not beable to recreate exactly the life you had prior to the move but you can find new things that can bring you the same happiness.

Hope all works out for you and find happiness and joy that you deserve.

@Making new friends is so very difficult. It's almost like high school. There are groups in activities I've joined and they won't let you into their little cliques. They may talk and be friendly but go off and make plans without even thinking of asking you to come along. At school, work, in neighborhoods I was always very popular. I'm upbeat and helpful and always have a smile on my face.
So....I've got pets. They love me unconditionally.

I'll listen my family completely abandoned me when they found out that I had mental health issues like anxiety depression PTSD anxiety and I have sensory processing disorder and I'm probably on the autism spectrum somewhere. Most of my friends abandoned me I have a few friends that still keep up with me if they don't want to hear anything about my problems they just want to hear the positive stuff so I'd rather be alone. I don't feel like people get the right to just certain parts of my life they don't get the joy and the happiness part they don't experience or don't support me with the emotional part. I feel like it's a good thing for us to connect on sites like this because I think a lot of people are facing this type of discrimination from their families and when everyone's life is going perfectly they don't care about sick people and they don't want to hear anything about it and I think it's ridiculous I find it to be humiliating and degrading. I feel your pain I am empathetic towards it and I know exactly what you're going through because I was dumped by my entire family and friends when I got my depression now for over a year now without any treatments or help my doctors don't believe me my parents don't believe me my friends don't believe me physically I've been left in the dark for an entire year without working without friends without family support I basically have nothing. I don't feel supported I don't feel loved I don't feel like anybody really cares. But I do care about you and I would like to hear more about what's going on and how you cope things that you do to feel better but even if you aren't feeling better I'll hear about that part too because that's most of my day 90% of my day is feeling completely horrible so I understand

Hi dear friends .... well, it's been another "kick in the pants" week. I went to a lake at a National Park with my girls and grandkids last Fri., and it made me feel sad .... my X and I did that often and would camp and hike and just "be." My 3 kids get along wonderfully for which I am grateful ..... my 2 girls are planning their Christmas trip to a state park in WV ..... they do this every year .... they take Christmas lights, music, and items they are making a craft with for gifts. They stay in a cabin and just have a wonderful time .... they are so fortunate to have each other. During our time Fri. at the lake there was a lot of talk about what to make, where to get it, etc., often several feet away from me (not intentionally on their part), and I felt totally left out and unwanted ..... remnants of earlier life. Then I realized that what was actually happening was (and I am not proud of this), I was jealous of their relationship. I always longed for a sibling which I never had, to walk through the hell of our childhood .... it would have been someone to talk to. I was always alone, living within myself. I have got to stop being so sensitive to these things. I wanted my 3 to have good relationships, and they do, and now here I am .... envious of it. I feel like a 10 year old.
I also went to pay some bills this morning and my checking account is way overdrawn! I have been meticulous about keeping track of everything and it totally panicked me. I'm in the process of getting dentures and they've been a monthly bundle, but I thought I had all the figures tracked ..... apparently not.
I just feel sick. I think moving here was one giant mistake. Perhaps growing up alone, albeit in a drunken, drug riddled family, I continue to prefer to be alone. I am going to sit down and figure out what my costs are at both places, and depending what I find, I well may go back, get a job, and just stay there. My girls won't like it, but I'm sorry about that.
I guess I really should tell you the origins of this spiral. My father died 13 years ago and left me a very large inheritance. At the advice of a "friend" I got myself a Financial Planner to help me with it and unknown to me, he was a smaller version of Bernie Madoff. I, and others, were left with less than 1/3 to 1/4 of what I had. I was sick .... it was my father's hard-working money and this bas___d stole it. Sure, he is on probation with the SEC and was fined a hefty fine, but what about all of us who got "taken" ..... I have been told by a lawyer that the way the contracts were written, we had no recourse ..... those of us who lost money through his scheming and overbilling are just out of luck. So here I am, and all the rest - whomever they are - living our "golden years" in a way totally unforeseen.
Thanks for listening friends,
abby

Amber, it is a strength to admit to your thoughts of jealously and envy. It appears that by recognizing them, you've set a plan of action. Namely before retreating to where you were, you are going to objectively look at both situations. I might recommend not only looking at the financial comparisons, but also the emotion, social and health pros and cons. Keep talking. We're listening.

Hi Margaret .... I have been writing to one of the Humane Societies the passed few days about a dog I'd like to meet. He, like my Molly, has spent most of his life in a kennel, and is afraid of everything, just like she was. He's a lab/collie mix. I'm going to give them a call today and possibly go meet him. My kitty is sweet, but cats are totally different than dogs. My kids are 100% against my getting another dog ... why? I have no idea. But then .... whose life is it anyhow? I've been here a year now, I think enough time to adjust, and so far it's not working. My X lives only about 45 min. from here (we were married for 40 years) and that doesn't help as I'm always hearing about all the "wonderful" things he's doing, trips he's taking, groups he leads, etc. He has a personality disorder so I know where it comes from, but it's still hard to hear about from my kids.
I didn't get the senior apartment, which is probably for the best. It would have given me a great place to isolate, which is my tendency anyhow.
Think I'll give that animal shelter a call now.
Abby

Many thanks Colleen.
Abby

Hi folks .... well, here I am again ..... it's been another rough week, from almost every angle, and I'm no more adjusted to this new town/state than I was last time I wrote. I have been here for a year now, and I just hate it. But I don't feel like I can move back to where I was as my 2 girls who live in the area would be very disappointed .... and then the guilt would begin, for me. Like I'm sure I told you all in a previous message (and please forgive me for repeating myself) I lived in a condo in MD since my divorce 12 years ago. We were married for 40 years, and that was a devastating blow. I'd been home with our 3 kids the whole time, so my job skills were weak, but I was able to get a job at my church (at that time) as Asst. Children's Ministry Pastor.
I moved here - VA - because my girls were hounding me for years to move closer to them. Cynically I wondered if it was really for me, or for their convenience as I aged, but I avoided going down that road mentally. I see my girls about once a week, so far have not been able to find a part-time job, I had to have my precious pup put to sleep 2 months ago with congestive heart failure, there is no church in the area even similar to mine, now I am in the process of getting dentures and there have been more problems with that whole thing than I can even remember. The roots of the teeth demineralized and so must be cut out. Eating pureed food for months on end is not fun, for sure. Everyone says volunteer .... that's fine, but truthfully, I am just totally out of energy .... some days I don't even want to get up, and others when I do get up, I don't get dressed.
I have been going back to my therapist and Psychiatrist every other week in MD .... my girls ask "why?" They really don't want to hear it, don't get it, and I truly think they're afraid to know totally. When I even start to tell them, they immediately change the subject ..... on to something else!
Why did I ever move here .... for me? No. Truthfully, I moved here for my girls to make their lives easier as I age. I'm in excellent health now at 71, but it won't be that way forever. I'm just very, very unhappy and depressed ..... it's like sitting in a deep black hole, covered up with a cold wet black blanket ..... calling out for help and no one will stop. I have Bipolar II, I am divorced and my X lives down this way also .... we get along as well as can be expected, but just his proximity doesn't help me feel any better. He is a Narsassist - NPD - and is always ready and willing to let anyone within ear shot how much he is doing, how many groups he leads, how he does this and that ..... blah, blah, blah. Typical N.
I am so tempted to move back .... I own a condo which I am renting out presently, and which I loved. The comaradarie in the building was wonderful, and just walking my pup I got to meet all sorts of nice folks in the community. Everything was there .... my church, all my doctors, my friends, and my town, which I knew like the back of my hand after living in that area for over 30 years.
So, here I am, again whining about what to do. I feel rather "damned if I do and damned if I don't." If I move back, first it will once again be a big expense I can't afford, and it will be like a slap in the face to my girls.
To anyone out there who is retired and thinking of moving closer to their kids ..... be sure ..... be very, very, sure. I liken my move to yanking out an old tree from the ground and replanting it in another country, and then expecting it to thrive .... maybe it will, maybe it won't.
abby

Abby,
I missed whatever you wrote earlier and I just read this and felt really bad for you. I was divorced after 30 years - a very unwelcome surprise - and i ended up moving away from my home town and everything I knew b/c I couldn't afford to live there, didn't want to keep bumping into my ex and couldn't stand the weather. In other words, I WANTED to move, and had a miserable 1st year anyway b/c I didn't know anyone, couldn't find friends, everything was strange and I too was in a deep dark hole. Then the next year I was diagnosed with cancer, so I was miserable, alone and being treated for cancer TOO. Not a fun 2 years. Now, after 4 years, I am quite content, but I WANTED to come here, and I live in a retirement community where everyone is my age, there are tons of things to do, and I don't have to work. I thought about moving closer to my kids, but their climate is miserable too, there is nothing to do where they live and they all work and have busy social lives so how often was I going to get to see them anyway? Better to live in a sunny clime and have them visit ME.

And boy do I know how no one wants to hear about depression! As if you didn't feel alone already, to have no one strong enough to listen (b/c that's what it takes) without trying to "fix" you is really tough. To be fair, I think people often don't want to hear b/c either they don't know what to say, or your depression scares them in some way. Which is why this site is so great. We all know that some days the greatest achievement of the day is getting out of bed. On a really good day you can shower and get dressed too.

Frankly, it sounds to me like you were MUCH better off where you were. Would your daughters really want you to stay in Va if they truly understood how unhappy you are? Life is short, especially at our time of life. How much of the rest of it to you want to spend feeling miserable? Would your daughters really want you to make their lives easier if the price is your misery? Have you had a heart to heart with them?

I know moving is miserable - I'm not moving again no matter what happens. But I WANT to be where i am, so my situation is different. It's YOUR life. you get to say how it goes. Making choices to make other people happy can oh so easily backfire . . . Sometimes no one ends up happy. Not you or the people you wanted to please. At least if you do what you want you will know for sure that ONE person will be happy. i think making a plan to go back where you want to be would give you the hope you need to keep hanging in there until you have the money/comfort level/energy to act on your plan.

And we are all here to listen, so post to your heart's content. i've been where you are and I'm quite sure i am not the only one.