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Psychiatric Medications are Killing Me.

Posted by dfb @dfb, Jun 6, 2024

I have been on high doses of psychiatric medications for quite some time. It turns out that I should not have ever been put on them. The antidepressants do nothing to relieve depression, because the problem is not depression. Depression is only a symptom of the problem. The problem is terrible childhood trauma. All the meds have done is numb my feelings.

The medications destroyed my ability to sleep making everything much worse. I was then put on Seroquel for sleep. Seroquel knocks me out but according to the sleep doctor I’m not really getting sleep,

I wake up everyday so suicidal that I would kill myself if I had the means, I fight my way through the day and try to be productive. By the end of the day I usually have hope again. Then I go to bed and the cycle starts all over again,

My providers agree that I need to reduce and get off the medication. We tried before and I ended up in the hospital. This time is going better and I am making progress dealing with the trauma. However, everyday is a roll of the dice.

Every change to the medication tosses me straight back into hell. I am not experiencing a reoccurrence of depressive symptoms. I don’t think that is even valid. No medication or treatment has ever addressed my desire to die. The only thing that had helped is addressing the trauma.

I am losing my ability to fight through the discontinuation effects from the medications. At times like this I am certain I am going to kill myself. I still take 122.5 of Venlafaxine, 300 mg of bupropion and 75mg of Seroquel. I also have .5 lorazepam as needed. The lorazepam doesn’t touch the discontinuation effects.

I just want my life to end. I have been fighting for fifty four years. I can’t do this anymore. I write down everything I am going through so that if I do kill myself my experience may help others.

I guess part of me still wants to live or I wouldn’t be writing this. No one should have to go through this.

I don’t want to be just another person the pharmaceutical industry has killed.

I wish everyone peace and good health.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health Support Group.

Profile picture for dfb
dfb | @dfb | Sep 5, 2024

We are being druged by a system optimising to achieve the maximum output of its goal; profits.

The system didn't count on us waking up,

Peace and good health is our birthright, it is time to reclaim them.

David

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dogmom65 | @dogmom65 | Sep 5, 2024

I'm one of the lucky ones that ended up with Tardive Dyskinesia. And what's the "conventional" treatment for T.D.? Another pharmaceutical. It defies common sense. T.D. slows me down a bit to be sure, but I refuse to let it ruin my life. And I'll be darned if I take another drug to treat the symptoms. Currently living with the symptoms while I research alternative treatments.

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dfb | @dfb | Sep 6, 2024
In reply to @itchyd "Good for you! Yes, IMHO, the prescribing of mental health drugs is a racket: witness the..." + (show)
Profile picture for itchyd @itchyd

Good for you!

Yes, IMHO, the prescribing of mental health drugs is a racket: witness the sales of the drugs that are prescribed to attenuate the Tardive dyskinesia resulting from overuse of antipsychotics. It's a scam that ruins people's lives and is very lucrative for the pharmaceutical industry.

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If you’ve ever seen the film the Matrix, that’s a pretty good approximation of Big Pharm, i think ill be Neo, don’t tell anyone or they’ll lock me up 😎

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itchyd | @itchyd | Sep 7, 2024
In reply to @dogmom65 "I'm one of the lucky ones that ended up with Tardive Dyskinesia. And what's the "conventional"..." + (show)
Profile picture for dogmom65 @dogmom65

I'm one of the lucky ones that ended up with Tardive Dyskinesia. And what's the "conventional" treatment for T.D.? Another pharmaceutical. It defies common sense. T.D. slows me down a bit to be sure, but I refuse to let it ruin my life. And I'll be darned if I take another drug to treat the symptoms. Currently living with the symptoms while I research alternative treatments.

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Good for you!

You're very brave.

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Profile picture for itchyd
itchyd | @itchyd | Sep 7, 2024

I wish there were some magic words I could say to help you. I feel so bad for you, because I think I can begin to understand what you're going through. I went through ten years of hell with antipsychotics that I should have never been prescribed. At times, I felt like giving up and ending it all. But, I don't think I could ever find the courage to snuff myself. With strong resistance at worst and indifference at best from my "caregivers", I gradually weaned off of Zyprexa and Lamotrigine. It was very difficult. But, I've been free of Z-wrecks for almost a year and a half and the antidepressant for 4 months, now. My mental health has greatly improved and I won't be going back.

Wish like he'll, I could do more for you ... but a great, big cyberhug will have to do!🥰

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Profile picture for itchyd
itchyd | @itchyd | Sep 7, 2024
In reply to @dfb "If you’ve ever seen the film the Matrix, that’s a pretty good approximation of Big Pharm,..." + (show)
Profile picture for dfb @dfb

If you’ve ever seen the film the Matrix, that’s a pretty good approximation of Big Pharm, i think ill be Neo, don’t tell anyone or they’ll lock me up 😎

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Funny!

😂

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Profile picture for itchyd
itchyd | @itchyd | Sep 7, 2024
In reply to @dfb "We live in a self-organizing system optimized to generate profit. The system does not judge its..." + (show)
Profile picture for dfb @dfb

We live in a self-organizing system optimized to generate profit.

The system does not judge its purpose like we do. Humans are just another part of the system to be optimized,

Traumatize us, drug us, retard our cognition and we get sicker and sicker generating more and more of what the system needs to thrive: profits.

I escaped hell while Hades’ back was turned. I see the system for what it is; I do not judge it.

In fact I love it for its exquisite design. I feel no malice towards any part of it. Nonetheless, it must be stopped and that’s why I was spared.

Human connection and the essential love we all feel for each other is how humans heal.

I am fearlessly and ferociously loving all parts of the system and will do so until things change or I am dust.

I love all of you. Even if we’ve never met, I see you! You have carried me through the dark days of the last two years, I would not be hear if not for your love.

It’s my turn now!

I will see you soon.

One day soon we will all live in peace and good health.

Thank you for all you have done for me; I’m ready for this fight because of you.

🙏

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Poetry.

You have written a nice little piece of poetry here.

Thanks!

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Profile picture for itchyd
itchyd | @itchyd | Sep 7, 2024
In reply to @dahliarose "There should be more help for people with this problem. Dr. Mark Horowitz is doing a..." + (show)
Profile picture for dahliarose @dahliarose

There should be more help for people with this problem. Dr. Mark Horowitz is doing a lot to educate psych drug users and prescribers. Best of luck to you and courage too,

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Thanks for the reference. I'll try reading up on Dr. H.

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itchyd | @itchyd | Sep 7, 2024
In reply to @dfb "Believe it or not, I'm almost done with all of them, couple more months. The result..." + (show)
Profile picture for dfb @dfb

Believe it or not, I'm almost done with all of them, couple more months.

The result is I feel the best I have in decades.

Thank you for your support,

May you live in peace and good health!

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Party time!💥💫✌️

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samcal9977zz | @samcal9977zz | Sep 8, 2024
In reply to @cehunt57 "@dfb what about a hospitalization where you can be slowly and carefully weaned from the meds..." + (show)
Profile picture for Cheryl, Volunteer Mentor @cehunt57

@dfb what about a hospitalization where you can be slowly and carefully weaned from the meds that have been plaguing you? It sounds like you could benefit from a safe environment, professional/medical supervision for the “discontinuation effects”, counseling/therapy to address your past traumas and emergency intervention if needed. It could be like a mental health rehab.

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sounds like a reasonable idea to me.

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