1. < Mental Health

Psychiatric Medications are Killing Me.

Posted by dfb @dfb, Jun 6 8:09am

I have been on high doses of psychiatric medications for quite some time. It turns out that I should not have ever been put on them. The antidepressants do nothing to relieve depression, because the problem is not depression. Depression is only a symptom of the problem. The problem is terrible childhood trauma. All the meds have done is numb my feelings.

The medications destroyed my ability to sleep making everything much worse. I was then put on Seroquel for sleep. Seroquel knocks me out but according to the sleep doctor I’m not really getting sleep,

I wake up everyday so suicidal that I would kill myself if I had the means, I fight my way through the day and try to be productive. By the end of the day I usually have hope again. Then I go to bed and the cycle starts all over again,

My providers agree that I need to reduce and get off the medication. We tried before and I ended up in the hospital. This time is going better and I am making progress dealing with the trauma. However, everyday is a roll of the dice.

Every change to the medication tosses me straight back into hell. I am not experiencing a reoccurrence of depressive symptoms. I don’t think that is even valid. No medication or treatment has ever addressed my desire to die. The only thing that had helped is addressing the trauma.

I am losing my ability to fight through the discontinuation effects from the medications. At times like this I am certain I am going to kill myself. I still take 122.5 of Venlafaxine, 300 mg of bupropion and 75mg of Seroquel. I also have .5 lorazepam as needed. The lorazepam doesn’t touch the discontinuation effects.

I just want my life to end. I have been fighting for fifty four years. I can’t do this anymore. I write down everything I am going through so that if I do kill myself my experience may help others.

I guess part of me still wants to live or I wouldn’t be writing this. No one should have to go through this.

I don’t want to be just another person the pharmaceutical industry has killed.

I wish everyone peace and good health.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health Support Group.

samcal9977zz | @samcal9977zz | Sep 8 2:11am
In reply to @dfb "We are being druged by a system optimising to achieve the maximum output of its goal;..." + (show)
@dfb

We are being druged by a system optimising to achieve the maximum output of its goal; profits.

The system didn't count on us waking up,

Peace and good health is our birthright, it is time to reclaim them.

David

Jump to this post

one of the problems is very very basic.

Doctors are running through patients far too quickly. Just not taking enough time to review situations.

Not listening to patient feedback, but dismissing us as idiots who could not possibly know a single thing.

Just bad practice.

REPLY
1 reply
samcal9977zz | @samcal9977zz | Sep 8 2:17am

I have PTSD. I was a violent crime victim. In 1982, I was kidnapped and held for a time.

Have you engaged with therapy to assess if you have PTSD?

Because the treatment for that is very different than the treatment for depression.

I'll give an example.

When I was kidnapped, I was jumped on the street and thrown into a van.

I did not realize it at the time, but a couple of blocks away, a car backfired.

For the next 8 years, every time a car backfired, I would jump.

And here's the real kicker. One time I jumped. And only after I jumped, did I realize a car had backfired.

It was clearly functioning on a subconscious level (in addition to whatever else was happening consciously).

Deep trauma just re-wires the brain. And it is far beyond choice.

We have to get in there with the amygdala and re-wire our brain out of the fear response.

It is a very specific type of therapy.

I also was suicidal and profoundly so. Back in 1983 and 1984. That was all pure hell. And I saw exactly ZERO hope.

But the past and present do not necessarily determine the future.

Whether it is therapy for PTSD or some other technique, it could break the trend and put you in a different realm of consciousness.

It has happened to many folks. There is always a possibility of change.

Not in some superficial "Hallmark" way, but there might be some possibility.

REPLY
1 reply
urbanjane | @urbanjane | Sep 9 11:15am

Have you tried EST for the depression and the feelings associated with this? I know several people that medication did not help the suicidal ideation, but this gave great relief. One is the wife of a doctor I know. She goes in for sessions every few years, and then has no life ending thoughts. Regardless of the trauma, the symptoms and the trauma need to be treated separately. You might also discuss brain therapy and intense therapy workshops a as a way to help get fast track way to move on long with weekly local therapy. I used the Meadows Survivors One five-day week method to work through much of my childhood stuff. I also use therapy in bursts, a few years at a time to help me manage my life challenges and goals. One of my sisters has had two Survivor workshops with the Meadows- I and II. My granddaughter has had suicidal thoughts and now she does not after having EST. Some people use both EST and medication. Hope this helps you. I am 76 years old....

REPLY
itchyd | @itchyd | Sep 10 7:39am
In reply to @samcal9977zz "one of the problems is very very basic. Doctors are running through patients far too quickly...." + (show)
@samcal9977zz

one of the problems is very very basic.

Doctors are running through patients far too quickly. Just not taking enough time to review situations.

Not listening to patient feedback, but dismissing us as idiots who could not possibly know a single thing.

Just bad practice.

Jump to this post

Don't put all of the blame on the doctors.

They are held on a very short leash by their corporate overlords: the real rot at the center of our abysmal health care system.

REPLY
1 reply
elisabeth007 | @elisabeth007 | Sep 11 8:35am

Sounds like you need a new doctor fast!

REPLY
dfb | @dfb | Sep 11 9:20am
In reply to @itchyd "Don't put all of the blame on the doctors. They are held on a very short..." + (show)
@itchyd

Don't put all of the blame on the doctors.

They are held on a very short leash by their corporate overlords: the real rot at the center of our abysmal health care system.

Jump to this post

I don’t blame the doctors at all…they are as much a victim of the system as i am…i actually don’t blame anyone…we built a system that has one goal( profits) it is elegant and very effective and it made rich…systems are neither good nor bad…they are either useful or not…capitalism has outlived it’s utility and is killing too many of us…its time for something new…i call that theory Thrive; a new philosophy of abundance and the end to suffering…publishing starts before the end of the year…figure might as well try to change things if i can…

REPLY
dfb | @dfb | Sep 11 11:04am
In reply to @samcal9977zz "I have PTSD. I was a violent crime victim. In 1982, I was kidnapped and held..." + (show)
@samcal9977zz

I have PTSD. I was a violent crime victim. In 1982, I was kidnapped and held for a time.

Have you engaged with therapy to assess if you have PTSD?

Because the treatment for that is very different than the treatment for depression.

I'll give an example.

When I was kidnapped, I was jumped on the street and thrown into a van.

I did not realize it at the time, but a couple of blocks away, a car backfired.

For the next 8 years, every time a car backfired, I would jump.

And here's the real kicker. One time I jumped. And only after I jumped, did I realize a car had backfired.

It was clearly functioning on a subconscious level (in addition to whatever else was happening consciously).

Deep trauma just re-wires the brain. And it is far beyond choice.

We have to get in there with the amygdala and re-wire our brain out of the fear response.

It is a very specific type of therapy.

I also was suicidal and profoundly so. Back in 1983 and 1984. That was all pure hell. And I saw exactly ZERO hope.

But the past and present do not necessarily determine the future.

Whether it is therapy for PTSD or some other technique, it could break the trend and put you in a different realm of consciousness.

It has happened to many folks. There is always a possibility of change.

Not in some superficial "Hallmark" way, but there might be some possibility.

Jump to this post

…i inherited PTSD and then gathered a bunch of my own…i am just now dealing with my fear response to everything that keeps me in an exhaustive state of heightened awareness…the world actually looks softer… less harsh and forbidding…it is taking some getting used to…

REPLY
asongofhands | @asongofhands | Sep 11 9:37pm

I have been working with a therapist doing EMDR for extensive various trauma. It took about 9 months, 2x a month, to work through it all, but it works... At least for me
I would recommend checking it out. Your mileage may vary 😉

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