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Psychiatric Medications are Killing Me.
I have been on high doses of psychiatric medications for quite some time. It turns out that I should not have ever been put on them. The antidepressants do nothing to relieve depression, because the problem is not depression. Depression is only a symptom of the problem. The problem is terrible childhood trauma. All the meds have done is numb my feelings.
The medications destroyed my ability to sleep making everything much worse. I was then put on Seroquel for sleep. Seroquel knocks me out but according to the sleep doctor I’m not really getting sleep,
I wake up everyday so suicidal that I would kill myself if I had the means, I fight my way through the day and try to be productive. By the end of the day I usually have hope again. Then I go to bed and the cycle starts all over again,
My providers agree that I need to reduce and get off the medication. We tried before and I ended up in the hospital. This time is going better and I am making progress dealing with the trauma. However, everyday is a roll of the dice.
Every change to the medication tosses me straight back into hell. I am not experiencing a reoccurrence of depressive symptoms. I don’t think that is even valid. No medication or treatment has ever addressed my desire to die. The only thing that had helped is addressing the trauma.
I am losing my ability to fight through the discontinuation effects from the medications. At times like this I am certain I am going to kill myself. I still take 122.5 of Venlafaxine, 300 mg of bupropion and 75mg of Seroquel. I also have .5 lorazepam as needed. The lorazepam doesn’t touch the discontinuation effects.
I just want my life to end. I have been fighting for fifty four years. I can’t do this anymore. I write down everything I am going through so that if I do kill myself my experience may help others.
I guess part of me still wants to live or I wouldn’t be writing this. No one should have to go through this.
I don’t want to be just another person the pharmaceutical industry has killed.
I wish everyone peace and good health.
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@dfb I hope you know that you make a difference. There is someone reading your words, nodding in agreement, and realizing they are not alone in their struggles. Just like you are not alone in your struggles.
Please keep on keeping on.
Ginger
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4 Reactions@dfb what about a hospitalization where you can be slowly and carefully weaned from the meds that have been plaguing you? It sounds like you could benefit from a safe environment, professional/medical supervision for the “discontinuation effects”, counseling/therapy to address your past traumas and emergency intervention if needed. It could be like a mental health rehab.
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2 ReactionsHi, I have suffered with bouts of depression for 45 years but only for short periods due to Big Pharma. I have been on more antidepressants and antipsychotics than I can remember but the point is that our bodies do change and so must the medication. Some can be increased and some must be weaned off. I’m surprised that you are have been taking this combination for so many years. Time to see a new doctor…you don’t need to suffer like this.
Seroquel and Lorazepam both made my depression worsen. Seroquel gave me bad dreams.
The problem with most antidepressants is that it takes 3 weeks to see if they are effective. But adequate sleep is crucial. I take 1/2 an Zolpedine if I don’t get sleepy by midnight and then another half if I don’t feel sleepy an hour later.
When I couldn’t climb out of the black hole for a month a few years ago I had ketamine infusions until my antidepressant kicked in. 3 or 4? Well worth the $$
I read positive affirmations everyday and 3 blogs with fellow sufferers helping each other. 2 are on Facebook
I pray that you find better medical advice and get back on the road to recovery 💕
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7 ReactionsDON'T give up, dfb!
I went through twenty years of hell on antipsychotic drugs and, against the advice of the mental health community, I quit them all. It has been a tough row to hoe, but I feel like I've been reborn. I'm not recommending this approach to you. Just informing you of one person's experiences. The brain is so complex and responses to the various drug therapies so variable that I think it's difficult to predict an outcome to any one approach.
Best of luck to you.
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4 ReactionsThank you!
Thank you!
Yes, that is a good idea. Unfortunately, very few clinics, never mind hospitals, will work with patients wanting to discontinue their medication. Then, they are very expensive, and I question their effectiveness. The longest I found was ninety days; the costs were in the six figures. Insurance isn't even an option. Follow-up would have to continue for months, even years.
Hopefully, in the future, mental health facilities will recognize the need for this service. I have detoxed from alcohol, cocaine, benzodiazepines, and cigarettes, and they were all easier and faster by comparison. They sold this stuff without giving any thought to the long-term ramifications.
For now, I am doing endless research, and my providers support me as best they can.
Peace and good health to you.
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6 ReactionsWhat a crock hospital are where they put you on meds and give you a label. what hospital most are holding pens.
@dfb were you in psychoanalysis for your ailments? Trying to get on top of stuff from our early years requires a deep dive via psychoanalysis.
Yes, I was for years then I was put on medication and therapy was stopped. I could no longer think or feel.
It is only recently, after titrating most of my meds that I have been able to start healing.
It is beyond wonderful to have my mind and heart back. I probably have at least another six months to get rid of all of the poisons I have been taking, it’s been a year already.
Current psychiatric medication retard healing. Numbing the patient, rendering them incapable of making any progress.
My depression and constant suicidal ideation was directly connected to the extreme trauma I experienced as a child.
I lost fifteen years of my life to the soul numbing effects of psychiatric medications. I’m finally, at sixty, waking up to who I am. I like the person I am getting to know.
May we all live in peace and good health.
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