Preparing to Age in Place

Posted by edsutton @edsutton, Apr 23 7:58am

Many of us in the Aging Well Support Group express similar concerns. We are currently doing o.k. in our homes, on our own, but recognize that disabilities may be on our horizons.
Can we be reasonably proactive about this?
What can we do to stay in our homes as long as possible?
What can we do to gracefully reach out for assistance when we need it?
What can we expect the costs will be as we try to imagine the economies of our lives as we age?
What modifications can we make now that will make life easier when we have less strength and energy?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

@scottrl

I'm facing the same thing with my personal library. Books I won't live long enough to re-read, books on subjects I've lost interest in, etc.

It's really painful because nobody wants books anymore, so I literally can't give them away. Heartbreaking.

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I donate books to the local library for their annual book sale.

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@edsutton

I'm wondering how folks have dealt with food preparation as aging has limited shopping and cooking abilities.
Viewing our kitchen from chair level shows me that about 1/3 to 1/2 of counters, cabinets and drawers would be useable. I can make that work, I've had very small kitchens and like the simplicity.
But people who have really had to manage wheelchair or one handed cooking may have real first-hand knowledge to share.
What kinds of modifications should be done in advance?
What kinds of cooking styles work best with disabilities?

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Hello, Ed --
I can certainly relate to your question. Since a couple of surgeries in 2021 and the worsening of peripheral neuropathy and carpel tunnel, I am dependent on a cane for every step. Also, it is out of the realm of possibility or safety to cut a whole melon or squash, or to shuck an ear of sweet corn or cut up a whole chicken into 8 pieces. Up until last winter I was still managing to make soup pots of homemade soups to be divided and frozen in single servings. I knew when I was putting together my last recipe of that size! It requires some finagling of the budget, but I have found that for me, it is necessary to purchase many foods already cut up or peeled or into individual serving portions. I can still make soups but now they are of about 3 servings size.
The other major thing I have discovered is that I need a couple of plates and three or four bowls with nice, vertical sides - to make it easy to push food onto the utensil. Since I don't need a whole set of dishes, I have found these pieces at Home Goods.
And finally, to the extent possible I have replaced heavy glass baking/mixing dishes with options weighing much less. The exception to this would be anything that reheats or cooks food in the microwave. These instances would be for small servings so the size/weight would be minimal.
As for the squashes, I have one of my sons cut them in half when he visits, and the next day I can bake/prepare them for freezing in individual servings. There is no taking a couple of steps carrying food with two hands, so I use trivets or some kind of protectors on the counter to move hot things from the oven or off of the stove.
It seems everything is so time and energy consuming but if I can live independently, always with God's help, it is well worth it.
Blessings to you!

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@edsutton

Everything I've done in my ongoing project "Preparing to Age in Place" has given me immediate benefit in my day-to-day work of living.
Though at first I was motivated by concern for future disability and needs, now I am also motivated by a feeling of freshness and ease in my daily life, and I want more!

Getting rid of unnecessary stuff is part of this.
Making our home safe and easy to care for is another.
Completing medical, legal and financial documents is another.
Learning about available professional help before we need it gives a needed sense of reality.

Lately I seem to have more time and energy for community work and friendships: immediate pleasure and learning, and a source of emotional support.

I think we must recognize that "adapting to change" is going to be a major part of living. Reducing the "weight" of our living structures can make it easier to adapt. It's a lot easier changing the course of a cabin cruiser than changing the course of an aircraft carrier!

55 years ago I was 20 and my neighbor "Poppy" was 100 years old. We lived near Broadway and 72 St. in Manhattan. "We must adjust ourselves to the prevailing conditions, and do the very best we can to pull our own wagon!" was Poppy's favorite saying, always said with a little chuckle. The memory makes me very happy.

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Ed, I look forward to your frequent posts and I hope you don’t mind that I’ve shared many with friends who are not on this forum. Your morsels of wisdom are appreciated!

Cindy

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@funcountess

I’ve always done things ahead of when I need them. Going thru stages of life, I’ve been calling agencies to age at home. All I can say is SAVE YOUR MONEY because you will need it for caregiving. My biggest worry would be to have plenty of food in the house and general errands. We all age differently. I believe as long as dementia does not hit, we will be ok.
I never gave much thought to getting older, but I think about it now since I’m in my young 80s. I hope my non smoking, non drinking and general healthy lifestyle will pay off. So many friends are no longer living. Difficult to look at their photos. There is help out therefor us ageing seniors AT A PRICE.
those lucky enough to own a home, there is always a reverse mortgage.

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Going with your theme of doing things ahead, I decided to visit a couple of facilities. They were disappointing. The so-called apartments were small and I would not be able to bring anything of mine. There is also the monthly rent, which is not cheap and will go up each year. With the current scarcity of employment I do not think they can deliver on the care they promise. Assisted living is worse. At best you have a studio. And the rates are higher. So I have made the decision to stay at home. Because of certain family situation, I have a professional successor trustee who will take care of the trust when I die. We don't know when that that will be. At this time I am 3 months shy of my 90th birthday. However I am in extremely good shape. I am able to live independently an I can drive myself wherever I need to go. My successor trustee is in agreement with me that she will not put me in a facility if I live long enough to need assistance. Yes, you need money, but you will need it either way.

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@bjk3

Hello, Ed --
I can certainly relate to your question. Since a couple of surgeries in 2021 and the worsening of peripheral neuropathy and carpel tunnel, I am dependent on a cane for every step. Also, it is out of the realm of possibility or safety to cut a whole melon or squash, or to shuck an ear of sweet corn or cut up a whole chicken into 8 pieces. Up until last winter I was still managing to make soup pots of homemade soups to be divided and frozen in single servings. I knew when I was putting together my last recipe of that size! It requires some finagling of the budget, but I have found that for me, it is necessary to purchase many foods already cut up or peeled or into individual serving portions. I can still make soups but now they are of about 3 servings size.
The other major thing I have discovered is that I need a couple of plates and three or four bowls with nice, vertical sides - to make it easy to push food onto the utensil. Since I don't need a whole set of dishes, I have found these pieces at Home Goods.
And finally, to the extent possible I have replaced heavy glass baking/mixing dishes with options weighing much less. The exception to this would be anything that reheats or cooks food in the microwave. These instances would be for small servings so the size/weight would be minimal.
As for the squashes, I have one of my sons cut them in half when he visits, and the next day I can bake/prepare them for freezing in individual servings. There is no taking a couple of steps carrying food with two hands, so I use trivets or some kind of protectors on the counter to move hot things from the oven or off of the stove.
It seems everything is so time and energy consuming but if I can live independently, always with God's help, it is well worth it.
Blessings to you!

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Dear Bjk3-
Thank you for such a great message!
The practical details are valuable, and have give my wife and me some things to discuss. We really need to make some changes in our kitchen before it is an emergency.
But what touches me is your open to change, let's keep moving approach.
Your post gives me a great, happy smile and a we-can-do-it spirit lift.
You know, if it eventually comes down to "all we can do is take care of ourselves," that is something we can rejoice in.

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@thisismarilynb

Going with your theme of doing things ahead, I decided to visit a couple of facilities. They were disappointing. The so-called apartments were small and I would not be able to bring anything of mine. There is also the monthly rent, which is not cheap and will go up each year. With the current scarcity of employment I do not think they can deliver on the care they promise. Assisted living is worse. At best you have a studio. And the rates are higher. So I have made the decision to stay at home. Because of certain family situation, I have a professional successor trustee who will take care of the trust when I die. We don't know when that that will be. At this time I am 3 months shy of my 90th birthday. However I am in extremely good shape. I am able to live independently an I can drive myself wherever I need to go. My successor trustee is in agreement with me that she will not put me in a facility if I live long enough to need assistance. Yes, you need money, but you will need it either way.

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MarylynB, I think you've seen reality!
It might eventually use up our last moneys, but I'd rather spend it living in a place we like (our home!), and it will go further here if we make the right preparations.

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Good morning!

I hope you don’t mind me joining this conversation late. The topic caught my eye as my partner and I are in the early stages of refitting my house so that we can age in place. Naturally, she and I want to do the refitting with sound advice from others who’ve done this before us.

I note that this topic was created only this past April and has already attracted close to 200 replies. As I’m crashing the party a tad late, I’ll begin by reading what others have said before jumping in with my thoughts and questions.

Cheers to you all!
Ray (@ray666)

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@edsutton

Dear Bjk3-
Thank you for such a great message!
The practical details are valuable, and have give my wife and me some things to discuss. We really need to make some changes in our kitchen before it is an emergency.
But what touches me is your open to change, let's keep moving approach.
Your post gives me a great, happy smile and a we-can-do-it spirit lift.
You know, if it eventually comes down to "all we can do is take care of ourselves," that is something we can rejoice in.

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Dear Ed -
Thank you for your kind words. Your whole response is such an encouragement! And I totally agree with what you said in, "if it eventually comes down to 'all we can do is take care of ourselves', that is something to rejoice in." !! While my number one hope is to stay clear of any assisted-type living situation, my other number one hope is that I don't put my kids into a "sandwich generation" difficulty. And it seems to me that anything I can do before it becomes an emergency, will keep those hopes alive. At the same time, I know stuff happens. But yes! It's good to rejoice when we are able to take care of ourselves. Thanks again, Ed. I pray you and your wife will both stay healthy and safe!
Barb

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@bjk3

Hello, Ed --
I can certainly relate to your question. Since a couple of surgeries in 2021 and the worsening of peripheral neuropathy and carpel tunnel, I am dependent on a cane for every step. Also, it is out of the realm of possibility or safety to cut a whole melon or squash, or to shuck an ear of sweet corn or cut up a whole chicken into 8 pieces. Up until last winter I was still managing to make soup pots of homemade soups to be divided and frozen in single servings. I knew when I was putting together my last recipe of that size! It requires some finagling of the budget, but I have found that for me, it is necessary to purchase many foods already cut up or peeled or into individual serving portions. I can still make soups but now they are of about 3 servings size.
The other major thing I have discovered is that I need a couple of plates and three or four bowls with nice, vertical sides - to make it easy to push food onto the utensil. Since I don't need a whole set of dishes, I have found these pieces at Home Goods.
And finally, to the extent possible I have replaced heavy glass baking/mixing dishes with options weighing much less. The exception to this would be anything that reheats or cooks food in the microwave. These instances would be for small servings so the size/weight would be minimal.
As for the squashes, I have one of my sons cut them in half when he visits, and the next day I can bake/prepare them for freezing in individual servings. There is no taking a couple of steps carrying food with two hands, so I use trivets or some kind of protectors on the counter to move hot things from the oven or off of the stove.
It seems everything is so time and energy consuming but if I can live independently, always with God's help, it is well worth it.
Blessings to you!

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@bjk3 :You are amazing!

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Well, darn, last Saturday I moved a washing machine and and then did heavy weed whacking in the woods, managing to aggravate a bulging disc in my lumbar spine.
Awful pain in the back and sciatica down the leg, paralyzing pain.
Clearly I needed a reminder of what pain is like. (And it is frightening to think what it might be like if the pain was chronic.)
I spent Sunday moving as little as possible, with no improvement. Heating pads provided relief, as long as I didn't move.
This morning I remembered a little book: "Treat Your Own Back" by Robin McKenzie. On my bookshelf, and used successfully for injuries past. Duh.
I did the basic "back bend" exercise and things began to improve. Two hours and several exercises later, I'm able to do most daily movements and the pain is relenting.
McKenzie was a physical therapist who wrote several little books about self-treatment exercises for knee, neck, shoulder, hip and back pain. These are not radical treatments. They are now part of most physical therapists healing repertoire.
I mention them because for many of us occasional self-injuries are part of our lives, and these books have really helped me. Years ago I would have been in pain for a week or more.
Muscle and joint pain is a common part of aging.
Whatever our methods, we need to have some healing exercises that we know can help.
And remember them when needed!

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