Recognizing my own bias or prejudice .....

Posted by ellerbracke @ellerbracke, Aug 31, 2019

I know I am very guilty of classifying people in general, and regarding weight in particular. Living in the bible/heart attack/ diabetes belt, it simply blows my mind how many obese people I see every single day when out and about. Granted, fewer of those at Dillard’s than Walmart. Still, in addition to being concerned, I am also judging those people. I know I should not, but how in the world can someone get that fat? It would take years of dedicated overeating to reach that. No, I really don’t think that all of them have a medical issue, seeing what’s in their grocery carts. Someone help me get a less judgmental attitude when I’ve been semi-denying myself all those chips and cookies and fries for decades?? I live and eat well, but treats should be treats, not daily food.

@ihtak46

Hi “ellerbracke”,
I believe I do the same thing. Im not at all a mean person but I do have a bad tendency to be judgmental.
For a while it was almost constant. Im trying to keep my mouth shut! I figure if I think it, its ok but keep it in….usually I make comments. Unfortunately not only about heavy people, mostly women but also people who are dressed weird, or people who dont bother to clean up or comb their hair before they go out. I hate when I see a mother and dad with a child….Mom and Dad have a jacket and hat on, the baby is in short sleeves, no hat! And…..so MUCH more. ( A 4 year old with a pacifier.). Crap, so much pisses me off! Im trying to do better.
“ellerbracke”, I agree with what you said too. How can people let themselves get THAT huge(?). Being a
little overweight is fine, but when I see people obese or 60 plus pounds overweight, I just wonder. Bad habit, uh?
The reason Im trying to be better is of course I should but the real reason is my daughter used to always tell me I shouldnt be so judgmental. She was right. We lost our daughter suddenly June 3. She gad a birthday on Aug 1……would have been 46. We are still in bad shape, feeling lost and empty. I cry every day. Its tough. No mother or dad should outlive their child. I have my story with Mayo Connect.
Regarding being judgmental, Im so bad, I make comments about people in commercials !!! My bad?😫
“eller”, take care.
I whine, too. They should have a “bitch session” section on Mayo Connect
Kathi Fodor
(My story is under: Recent, sudden, traumatic loss, etc.)
ithak46

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@ihtak46
Let me offer my condolences regarding your daughter. I know many people who have lost children of all ages, mostly from Status Epilepticus or Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy. My girlfriend died in an car accident at 17. As horrible as that was I know it pails in comparison to your loss. Somethings you never get over. Many friends have told me there is no greater loss than the loss of a child. If I knew the person I would write a letter telling the parents how much happiness their child brought into my life.
Jake

REPLY

Hi “ellerbracke”,
I believe I do the same thing. Im not at all a mean person but I do have a bad tendency to be judgmental.
For a while it was almost constant. Im trying to keep my mouth shut! I figure if I think it, its ok but keep it in….usually I make comments. Unfortunately not only about heavy people, mostly women but also people who are dressed weird, or people who dont bother to clean up or comb their hair before they go out. I hate when I see a mother and dad with a child….Mom and Dad have a jacket and hat on, the baby is in short sleeves, no hat! And…..so MUCH more. ( A 4 year old with a pacifier.). Crap, so much pisses me off! Im trying to do better.
“ellerbracke”, I agree with what you said too. How can people let themselves get THAT huge(?). Being a
little overweight is fine, but when I see people obese or 60 plus pounds overweight, I just wonder. Bad habit, uh?
The reason Im trying to be better is of course I should but the real reason is my daughter used to always tell me I shouldnt be so judgmental. She was right. We lost our daughter suddenly June 3. She gad a birthday on Aug 1……would have been 46. We are still in bad shape, feeling lost and empty. I cry every day. Its tough. No mother or dad should outlive their child. I have my story with Mayo Connect.
Regarding being judgmental, Im so bad, I make comments about people in commercials !!! My bad?😫
“eller”, take care.
I whine, too. They should have a “bitch session” section on Mayo Connect
Kathi Fodor
(My story is under: Recent, sudden, traumatic loss, etc.)
ithak46

REPLY
@jakedduck1

I can’t leave at all now. Since getting out of the hospital I’m not allowed to drive. Usually I’m not gone more than a couple hours, just long enough for some errands. A friend wants me to come visit for a week or so. If I hire someone to stay with her it will cost thousands.
I do have someone coming in occasionally
but I stay when she’s here.
My brother comes over when I go to the store but now I have to get groceries online and have others pick up prescriptions etc. Sure hope they don’t yank my license for a year. Not that I’m not use to it but it is inconvenient.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 at least you do have your brother and he should shoulder part of your mother’s care. I don’t say “burden” because I’m sure you love your mother and loved ones are never a burden, just an inconvenience.
If they do “yank” your license are you in an area where you can walk or take public transportation to get around? I am not and that was always a concern for me when I had cirrhosis because sometimes if you are subject to HE episodes you do lose your license. I really can not stand being dependent on anyone, not even my husband.
JK

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@jakedduck1

I live close to town and bus lines and within walking distance to the store and only a few blocks to a connivence store, not that I’m gonna walk there though. I like to drive. When I use to swim at the “Y” I use to drive across the street to get my ice cream. I guess it was ridiculous when I swam so far but wouldn’t walk. Oh well, if nothing else I was entertaining, lol
Jake

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@and you still are….entertaining that is……and nudge is a gentle prod for goodness sakes…you’re not going to fall over.

FL Mary

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@jakedduck1

@ellerbracke
Sounds like you don’t believe me but heres an award for swimming. Good thing I was swimming so much. It saved me when I got caught in a rip tide in Carmel, Ca. (Monterey Bay, home to Great White Sharks. ) Very scary in the Pacific ocean when all you can see is water. It took me hours to get to shore.

I swam at the YMCA
5:30am-6:30am, m-f
11:30am-1:00pm, m-f
5:30-6:30pm, m-f
Since I was a volunteer there I had a key so would also go after hours occasionally.

The photo says YUBA CITY 210 Miles I got pledges to swim that far and paid for a lap clock and lane ropes for the YMCA.

Very admirable about your measurements. You have better willpower than I do.
My goal is 145lbs and a 31” waist which I already achieved hopefully I’ll get down to a 30” or 32” waistline.
Jake

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eller, Congratulations, you are awesome.

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@contentandwell

@hopeful33250 I was bulimic when I was in my 20s. I had been heavy and lost a lot of weight but occasionally I couldn’t stop myself and binged on something so I would do what people do when they are bulimic. It was not a daily thing, just maybe weekly or so.

Eating too much is an addiction. When I was 90 pounds heavier I was always telling myself that I would start dieting tomorrow but tomorrow never came. I bought very few clothes and bought nothing expensive because I was going to lose weight! Now when I see young women who are very overweight I want to shake them and tell them how much they are compromising their health.

@ellerbracke Your measurements are great but I could never have achieved them, I’m an “Apple”, thick in the middle and always have been even when I was a size 5 in my 20s.

My loss of weight after my TKR and now has nothing to do with appetite, I’m as hungry as ever!

@gingerw Ginger, you are very compassionate and understanding… and right. Eating too much is, as I said, an addiction due to various things going on in a person’s life. Plus, I AM ALWAYS HUNGRY. I have learned control most of the time though, but put a big, yummy piece of cake in front of me and I will probably eat the whole thing, as I did at my son’s rehearsal dinner and wedding (but I still lost weight!). I do better having none, I can’t just have a small piece.

@jakedduck1 I am quite impressed by your swimming. I thought my daughter was good. She was at our place on a lake in Maine for an extended amount of time a few years ago and swam about two miles every morning before breakfast. Now she swims at her Health club quite a few times a week. I think she was born swimming. When I was pregnant with her there was so much activity they did an ultrasound to see if I was carrying twins – back then ultrasounds were not done routinely. I figure she was just swimming laps in there! 😁
JK

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@contentandwell I'm a binge eater too. I just had 4 brownies . I'm bad

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@imallears

@ellerbracke
Hi,

Oh there are so many judgmental just plain nasty people out there who constantly shame others, especially the overweight. I think judging these people is almost a natural reaction but I can’t tolerate shaming…especially when children do it. I also see too many overweight or obese people daily…too many young ones and too many in the health care industry. I feel sad for them especially the children.

My daughter who is a nurse practitioner and works in the ALFs here treats obese patients daily. She has so many patients with families that bring them in pizzas and junk food and then turn around and ask angrily why their parent is so sick and her lab numbers so bad. 70% of medical problems are food related.

I personally have overweight and obese friends who are just plain lazy and have told me they accept the way they are. They are not inclined to eat healthy and have no interest in nutrition and don’t want to hear about anything relating to good health. It’s frustrating and yes, I do judge them because they are smart people otherwise. I think…then don’t complain to me about any ailments you have or that you may be pre diabetic …you aren’t listening to advice even from your doctors. And the doctors! My friends husband is morbidly obese and she told me he his doctor never told him to lose weight. His doctor should be scaring the crap out of him.Meanwhile she is trying to help him on her own and his doctor just adjustshis insulin intake.

Too many people are unaware of how to choose healthy eating habits…they are living day to day just earning a living and raising families. They don’t read labels or read any literature that is food related because they honestly don’t know what’s available to them. It’s easier to shop for the same unhealthy cheaper foods especially when you encounter fast food eateries everywhere you go even at the supermarket and are bombarded with tv ads for junk. They don’t know that it takes just as much time to cook a healthy meal as it does an unhealthy one.

I blame the FDA and Drug Companies and Tobacco companies with their phony biased research funded by food and drug lobbyists. These people are not out to help you, they are out to make money….period the end. There’s research that says Coke can be beneficial to you and not as bad as it’s made out to be. ……research is funded by the CocoCola Company.

This country is doomed if the obesity rate doesn’t drop and everyone has to fend for themselves. Our children’s lifespans will get shorter. We are the only species that overeats and does not regulate their food intake (us and the poor animals we feed). We’re the most evolved species? We have a friend who reversed her early diagnosed MS because my daughter told her what to eat and gave her a cookbook. She listened big time and is as healthy as she was when younger.

I could go on but will spare you…it makes me so angry when I see and hear what I do. I don’t want to push advice on anyone but I’m only too happy to nudge you along the path.

Regards from FL Mary

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@imallears
True enough. I just don’t want to be fat so I do try and make a good faith effort at eating icky veggies and healthy junk instead of my favorite, candy….speaking of
Jake

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@jakedduck1

I can’t leave at all now. Since getting out of the hospital I’m not allowed to drive. Usually I’m not gone more than a couple hours, just long enough for some errands. A friend wants me to come visit for a week or so. If I hire someone to stay with her it will cost thousands.
I do have someone coming in occasionally
but I stay when she’s here.
My brother comes over when I go to the store but now I have to get groceries online and have others pick up prescriptions etc. Sure hope they don’t yank my license for a year. Not that I’m not use to it but it is inconvenient.
Jake

Jump to this post

@jakedduck1 HI Leonard . I gave up my license 2 years ago yes its hard not to just go when you want but with the financial part of a car I'm glad I did. I have my groceries delivered . Walmart will delivery free if you order at least 35.00 Also Instacart deliveries for 9.99 I love the delivery service . I cant get out and shop so this is ideal for me . Insurances have Express Script at least mine does that will mail your meds for you so they come to your mailbox. Its ideal for us who just cant get out .

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@ihtak46

Hi “ellerbracke”,
I believe I do the same thing. Im not at all a mean person but I do have a bad tendency to be judgmental.
For a while it was almost constant. Im trying to keep my mouth shut! I figure if I think it, its ok but keep it in….usually I make comments. Unfortunately not only about heavy people, mostly women but also people who are dressed weird, or people who dont bother to clean up or comb their hair before they go out. I hate when I see a mother and dad with a child….Mom and Dad have a jacket and hat on, the baby is in short sleeves, no hat! And…..so MUCH more. ( A 4 year old with a pacifier.). Crap, so much pisses me off! Im trying to do better.
“ellerbracke”, I agree with what you said too. How can people let themselves get THAT huge(?). Being a
little overweight is fine, but when I see people obese or 60 plus pounds overweight, I just wonder. Bad habit, uh?
The reason Im trying to be better is of course I should but the real reason is my daughter used to always tell me I shouldnt be so judgmental. She was right. We lost our daughter suddenly June 3. She gad a birthday on Aug 1……would have been 46. We are still in bad shape, feeling lost and empty. I cry every day. Its tough. No mother or dad should outlive their child. I have my story with Mayo Connect.
Regarding being judgmental, Im so bad, I make comments about people in commercials !!! My bad?😫
“eller”, take care.
I whine, too. They should have a “bitch session” section on Mayo Connect
Kathi Fodor
(My story is under: Recent, sudden, traumatic loss, etc.)
ithak46

Jump to this post

@ihtak46 I'm so sorry for your loss . I don't know how you get over this loss . My husband has been gone 19 yrs and I still miss him . To loss a child is so much worse I think . I'm so sorry Blessings to you

REPLY
@lioness

@contentandwell I'm a binge eater too. I just had 4 brownies . I'm bad

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@lioness. For some reason it’s been easier recently, I have no idea why, plus I don’t keep many sweets in the house except for dark chocolate — usually around 85% cocoa. My husband has to have some dessert every night but he has no problem limiting it to a small amount. His father was a pastry chef! Maybe that’s why, there must have always been yummy treats available.

Oooh, that cake at the rehearsal dinner and the cake at the wedding were soooooo good. 😋. I do actually weigh my food though and am generally pretty good. I do not want to regain the weight I lost.
JK

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@contentandwell I know what you mean and it is so easy to put it on again. I love the dark chocolate have to kisses a day Hershey makes the dark chocolate and I find the kisses to be just enough .

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@imallears

@ellerbracke
Hi,

Oh there are so many judgmental just plain nasty people out there who constantly shame others, especially the overweight. I think judging these people is almost a natural reaction but I can’t tolerate shaming…especially when children do it. I also see too many overweight or obese people daily…too many young ones and too many in the health care industry. I feel sad for them especially the children.

My daughter who is a nurse practitioner and works in the ALFs here treats obese patients daily. She has so many patients with families that bring them in pizzas and junk food and then turn around and ask angrily why their parent is so sick and her lab numbers so bad. 70% of medical problems are food related.

I personally have overweight and obese friends who are just plain lazy and have told me they accept the way they are. They are not inclined to eat healthy and have no interest in nutrition and don’t want to hear about anything relating to good health. It’s frustrating and yes, I do judge them because they are smart people otherwise. I think…then don’t complain to me about any ailments you have or that you may be pre diabetic …you aren’t listening to advice even from your doctors. And the doctors! My friends husband is morbidly obese and she told me he his doctor never told him to lose weight. His doctor should be scaring the crap out of him.Meanwhile she is trying to help him on her own and his doctor just adjustshis insulin intake.

Too many people are unaware of how to choose healthy eating habits…they are living day to day just earning a living and raising families. They don’t read labels or read any literature that is food related because they honestly don’t know what’s available to them. It’s easier to shop for the same unhealthy cheaper foods especially when you encounter fast food eateries everywhere you go even at the supermarket and are bombarded with tv ads for junk. They don’t know that it takes just as much time to cook a healthy meal as it does an unhealthy one.

I blame the FDA and Drug Companies and Tobacco companies with their phony biased research funded by food and drug lobbyists. These people are not out to help you, they are out to make money….period the end. There’s research that says Coke can be beneficial to you and not as bad as it’s made out to be. ……research is funded by the CocoCola Company.

This country is doomed if the obesity rate doesn’t drop and everyone has to fend for themselves. Our children’s lifespans will get shorter. We are the only species that overeats and does not regulate their food intake (us and the poor animals we feed). We’re the most evolved species? We have a friend who reversed her early diagnosed MS because my daughter told her what to eat and gave her a cookbook. She listened big time and is as healthy as she was when younger.

I could go on but will spare you…it makes me so angry when I see and hear what I do. I don’t want to push advice on anyone but I’m only too happy to nudge you along the path.

Regards from FL Mary

Jump to this post

@imallears : you echoed a lot of the feelings I have about people who simply don’t care about their weight. My parents and most of my aunts and uncles were moderately overweight – as in size 14, generally. One uncle skinny as a rail, one aunt slender, and one morbidly obese. She died dismally of congestive heart failure, not a pleasant way to go. So there is some family history that made me very aware of watching your weight. Another family example: have one grandson who was perhaps 15 to 20 lbs. overweight by the time he was 14. It just crept up on him. Any gentle nudge to put the brakes on his eating did not work. Until: during some school-sponsored summer lecture he attended a presentation by a physician detailing the effects of juvenile diabetes. Guess what? From that day on he simply stopped eating any kind of sweets, cold turkey. He’s now a very healthy looking 16 yr. old.

Regarding food choices: a lot has to do with the triggers – salt, sugar, fat. I read a book some time ago explaining how the fast food and packaged goods industry sneaks in extra hidden amounts of these ingredients to hook people. Not easy to escape the lure! Other than commercially baked bread (the artisanal kind, from Lidl, mostly), cheeses, and – yep, we partake – cold cuts, I hardly buy any prepared food or meals. I make my own marinara sauce, own enchilada sauce, own taco seasoning, etc…May cave to “light” canned soups once in a while, or vegetable spring rolls, but mostly I cook from scratch, with fresh ingredients. I’l lucky to have the time and interest to do so. Regarding cost: smart shopping and planning ahead can make home cooking ridiculously cheap. For example, recently an up-scale grocery chain has offered roasted chickens for $ 5.00 on Thursdays. Enough for one meal (with a nice big salad, and some garlic bread), then I remove and dice all the remaining meat and make a white chicken chili (onion, garlic, canned diced chilies, spices, rinsed cannelini beans, low salt chicken broth, a hint of sharp cheddar at the end). So 2 meals, for 2 people, for under $10.00 = $2.50 per person, per meal.
Just saying…..

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