Recognizing my own bias or prejudice .....

Posted by ellerbracke @ellerbracke, Aug 31, 2019

I know I am very guilty of classifying people in general, and regarding weight in particular. Living in the bible/heart attack/ diabetes belt, it simply blows my mind how many obese people I see every single day when out and about. Granted, fewer of those at Dillard’s than Walmart. Still, in addition to being concerned, I am also judging those people. I know I should not, but how in the world can someone get that fat? It would take years of dedicated overeating to reach that. No, I really don’t think that all of them have a medical issue, seeing what’s in their grocery carts. Someone help me get a less judgmental attitude when I’ve been semi-denying myself all those chips and cookies and fries for decades?? I live and eat well, but treats should be treats, not daily food.

Hi “ellerbracke”,
I believe I do the same thing. Im not at all a mean person but I do have a bad tendency to be judgmental.
For a while it was almost constant. Im trying to keep my mouth shut! I figure if I think it, its ok but keep it in….usually I make comments. Unfortunately not only about heavy people, mostly women but also people who are dressed weird, or people who dont bother to clean up or comb their hair before they go out. I hate when I see a mother and dad with a child….Mom and Dad have a jacket and hat on, the baby is in short sleeves, no hat! And…..so MUCH more. ( A 4 year old with a pacifier.). Crap, so much pisses me off! Im trying to do better.
“ellerbracke”, I agree with what you said too. How can people let themselves get THAT huge(?). Being a
little overweight is fine, but when I see people obese or 60 plus pounds overweight, I just wonder. Bad habit, uh?
The reason Im trying to be better is of course I should but the real reason is my daughter used to always tell me I shouldnt be so judgmental. She was right. We lost our daughter suddenly June 3. She gad a birthday on Aug 1……would have been 46. We are still in bad shape, feeling lost and empty. I cry every day. Its tough. No mother or dad should outlive their child. I have my story with Mayo Connect.
Regarding being judgmental, Im so bad, I make comments about people in commercials !!! My bad?😫
“eller”, take care.
I whine, too. They should have a “bitch session” section on Mayo Connect
Kathi Fodor
(My story is under: Recent, sudden, traumatic loss, etc.)
ithak46

REPLY
@ihtak46

Hi “ellerbracke”,
I believe I do the same thing. Im not at all a mean person but I do have a bad tendency to be judgmental.
For a while it was almost constant. Im trying to keep my mouth shut! I figure if I think it, its ok but keep it in….usually I make comments. Unfortunately not only about heavy people, mostly women but also people who are dressed weird, or people who dont bother to clean up or comb their hair before they go out. I hate when I see a mother and dad with a child….Mom and Dad have a jacket and hat on, the baby is in short sleeves, no hat! And…..so MUCH more. ( A 4 year old with a pacifier.). Crap, so much pisses me off! Im trying to do better.
“ellerbracke”, I agree with what you said too. How can people let themselves get THAT huge(?). Being a
little overweight is fine, but when I see people obese or 60 plus pounds overweight, I just wonder. Bad habit, uh?
The reason Im trying to be better is of course I should but the real reason is my daughter used to always tell me I shouldnt be so judgmental. She was right. We lost our daughter suddenly June 3. She gad a birthday on Aug 1……would have been 46. We are still in bad shape, feeling lost and empty. I cry every day. Its tough. No mother or dad should outlive their child. I have my story with Mayo Connect.
Regarding being judgmental, Im so bad, I make comments about people in commercials !!! My bad?😫
“eller”, take care.
I whine, too. They should have a “bitch session” section on Mayo Connect
Kathi Fodor
(My story is under: Recent, sudden, traumatic loss, etc.)
ithak46

Jump to this post

@ihtak46
Hi,

My heart goes out to you on your unthinkable loss. My children are 50 and 53 and I can’t imagine what you are going through but can only offer my prayers.

FLMary

REPLY
@contentandwell

@jakedduck1 Leonard, for how how long can you leave your mother? It’s a huge commitment to be a caregiver as you are but you do need some time for yourself too. Is having a home care worker in for a couple of hours a day or every other a day a covered service under Medicare?
JK

Jump to this post

I can’t leave at all now. Since getting out of the hospital I’m not allowed to drive. Usually I’m not gone more than a couple hours, just long enough for some errands. A friend wants me to come visit for a week or so. If I hire someone to stay with her it will cost thousands.
I do have someone coming in occasionally
but I stay when she’s here.
My brother comes over when I go to the store but now I have to get groceries online and have others pick up prescriptions etc. Sure hope they don’t yank my license for a year. Not that I’m not use to it but it is inconvenient.
Jake

REPLY

@ jakeduck
Losing your license would take away that last piece of independence and we all have to face that someday and that stinks big time. Hope you keep yours for a long long time even if you dont drive that much anymore. We live in an age where we can get everything online but still, it's not the same.
Would move to a more populated walking distance area if that was the case with me
Gated communities can be so isolating
Chin up. Going to see if there is a gym class today
..if.not hitting the treadmill
FLMary

REPLY
@imallears

@ jakeduck
Losing your license would take away that last piece of independence and we all have to face that someday and that stinks big time. Hope you keep yours for a long long time even if you dont drive that much anymore. We live in an age where we can get everything online but still, it's not the same.
Would move to a more populated walking distance area if that was the case with me
Gated communities can be so isolating
Chin up. Going to see if there is a gym class today
..if.not hitting the treadmill
FLMary

Jump to this post

I live close to town and bus lines and within walking distance to the store and only a few blocks to a connivence store, not that I’m gonna walk there though. I like to drive. When I use to swim at the “Y” I use to drive across the street to get my ice cream. I guess it was ridiculous when I swam so far but wouldn’t walk. Oh well, if nothing else I was entertaining, lol
Jake

REPLY
@imallears

@ellerbracke
Hi,

Oh there are so many judgmental just plain nasty people out there who constantly shame others, especially the overweight. I think judging these people is almost a natural reaction but I can’t tolerate shaming…especially when children do it. I also see too many overweight or obese people daily…too many young ones and too many in the health care industry. I feel sad for them especially the children.

My daughter who is a nurse practitioner and works in the ALFs here treats obese patients daily. She has so many patients with families that bring them in pizzas and junk food and then turn around and ask angrily why their parent is so sick and her lab numbers so bad. 70% of medical problems are food related.

I personally have overweight and obese friends who are just plain lazy and have told me they accept the way they are. They are not inclined to eat healthy and have no interest in nutrition and don’t want to hear about anything relating to good health. It’s frustrating and yes, I do judge them because they are smart people otherwise. I think…then don’t complain to me about any ailments you have or that you may be pre diabetic …you aren’t listening to advice even from your doctors. And the doctors! My friends husband is morbidly obese and she told me he his doctor never told him to lose weight. His doctor should be scaring the crap out of him.Meanwhile she is trying to help him on her own and his doctor just adjustshis insulin intake.

Too many people are unaware of how to choose healthy eating habits…they are living day to day just earning a living and raising families. They don’t read labels or read any literature that is food related because they honestly don’t know what’s available to them. It’s easier to shop for the same unhealthy cheaper foods especially when you encounter fast food eateries everywhere you go even at the supermarket and are bombarded with tv ads for junk. They don’t know that it takes just as much time to cook a healthy meal as it does an unhealthy one.

I blame the FDA and Drug Companies and Tobacco companies with their phony biased research funded by food and drug lobbyists. These people are not out to help you, they are out to make money….period the end. There’s research that says Coke can be beneficial to you and not as bad as it’s made out to be. ……research is funded by the CocoCola Company.

This country is doomed if the obesity rate doesn’t drop and everyone has to fend for themselves. Our children’s lifespans will get shorter. We are the only species that overeats and does not regulate their food intake (us and the poor animals we feed). We’re the most evolved species? We have a friend who reversed her early diagnosed MS because my daughter told her what to eat and gave her a cookbook. She listened big time and is as healthy as she was when younger.

I could go on but will spare you…it makes me so angry when I see and hear what I do. I don’t want to push advice on anyone but I’m only too happy to nudge you along the path.

Regards from FL Mary

Jump to this post

@imallears
“I’m only too happy to nudge you along the path.” NUDGE?
Yeah, your gonna have to watch that!, lol
Jake

Liked by lioness

REPLY
@ihtak46

Hi “ellerbracke”,
I believe I do the same thing. Im not at all a mean person but I do have a bad tendency to be judgmental.
For a while it was almost constant. Im trying to keep my mouth shut! I figure if I think it, its ok but keep it in….usually I make comments. Unfortunately not only about heavy people, mostly women but also people who are dressed weird, or people who dont bother to clean up or comb their hair before they go out. I hate when I see a mother and dad with a child….Mom and Dad have a jacket and hat on, the baby is in short sleeves, no hat! And…..so MUCH more. ( A 4 year old with a pacifier.). Crap, so much pisses me off! Im trying to do better.
“ellerbracke”, I agree with what you said too. How can people let themselves get THAT huge(?). Being a
little overweight is fine, but when I see people obese or 60 plus pounds overweight, I just wonder. Bad habit, uh?
The reason Im trying to be better is of course I should but the real reason is my daughter used to always tell me I shouldnt be so judgmental. She was right. We lost our daughter suddenly June 3. She gad a birthday on Aug 1……would have been 46. We are still in bad shape, feeling lost and empty. I cry every day. Its tough. No mother or dad should outlive their child. I have my story with Mayo Connect.
Regarding being judgmental, Im so bad, I make comments about people in commercials !!! My bad?😫
“eller”, take care.
I whine, too. They should have a “bitch session” section on Mayo Connect
Kathi Fodor
(My story is under: Recent, sudden, traumatic loss, etc.)
ithak46

Jump to this post

@ihtak46
Let me offer my condolences regarding your daughter. I know many people who have lost children of all ages, mostly from Status Epilepticus or Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy. My girlfriend died in an car accident at 17. As horrible as that was I know it pails in comparison to your loss. Somethings you never get over. Many friends have told me there is no greater loss than the loss of a child. If I knew the person I would write a letter telling the parents how much happiness their child brought into my life.
Jake

REPLY

Hi “ellerbracke”,
I believe I do the same thing. Im not at all a mean person but I do have a bad tendency to be judgmental.
For a while it was almost constant. Im trying to keep my mouth shut! I figure if I think it, its ok but keep it in….usually I make comments. Unfortunately not only about heavy people, mostly women but also people who are dressed weird, or people who dont bother to clean up or comb their hair before they go out. I hate when I see a mother and dad with a child….Mom and Dad have a jacket and hat on, the baby is in short sleeves, no hat! And…..so MUCH more. ( A 4 year old with a pacifier.). Crap, so much pisses me off! Im trying to do better.
“ellerbracke”, I agree with what you said too. How can people let themselves get THAT huge(?). Being a
little overweight is fine, but when I see people obese or 60 plus pounds overweight, I just wonder. Bad habit, uh?
The reason Im trying to be better is of course I should but the real reason is my daughter used to always tell me I shouldnt be so judgmental. She was right. We lost our daughter suddenly June 3. She gad a birthday on Aug 1……would have been 46. We are still in bad shape, feeling lost and empty. I cry every day. Its tough. No mother or dad should outlive their child. I have my story with Mayo Connect.
Regarding being judgmental, Im so bad, I make comments about people in commercials !!! My bad?😫
“eller”, take care.
I whine, too. They should have a “bitch session” section on Mayo Connect
Kathi Fodor
(My story is under: Recent, sudden, traumatic loss, etc.)
ithak46

REPLY
@jakedduck1

I can’t leave at all now. Since getting out of the hospital I’m not allowed to drive. Usually I’m not gone more than a couple hours, just long enough for some errands. A friend wants me to come visit for a week or so. If I hire someone to stay with her it will cost thousands.
I do have someone coming in occasionally
but I stay when she’s here.
My brother comes over when I go to the store but now I have to get groceries online and have others pick up prescriptions etc. Sure hope they don’t yank my license for a year. Not that I’m not use to it but it is inconvenient.
Jake

Jump to this post

@jakedduck1 at least you do have your brother and he should shoulder part of your mother’s care. I don’t say “burden” because I’m sure you love your mother and loved ones are never a burden, just an inconvenience.
If they do “yank” your license are you in an area where you can walk or take public transportation to get around? I am not and that was always a concern for me when I had cirrhosis because sometimes if you are subject to HE episodes you do lose your license. I really can not stand being dependent on anyone, not even my husband.
JK

REPLY
@jakedduck1

I live close to town and bus lines and within walking distance to the store and only a few blocks to a connivence store, not that I’m gonna walk there though. I like to drive. When I use to swim at the “Y” I use to drive across the street to get my ice cream. I guess it was ridiculous when I swam so far but wouldn’t walk. Oh well, if nothing else I was entertaining, lol
Jake

Jump to this post

@and you still are….entertaining that is……and nudge is a gentle prod for goodness sakes…you’re not going to fall over.

FL Mary

REPLY
@jakedduck1

@ellerbracke
Sounds like you don’t believe me but heres an award for swimming. Good thing I was swimming so much. It saved me when I got caught in a rip tide in Carmel, Ca. (Monterey Bay, home to Great White Sharks. ) Very scary in the Pacific ocean when all you can see is water. It took me hours to get to shore.

I swam at the YMCA
5:30am-6:30am, m-f
11:30am-1:00pm, m-f
5:30-6:30pm, m-f
Since I was a volunteer there I had a key so would also go after hours occasionally.

The photo says YUBA CITY 210 Miles I got pledges to swim that far and paid for a lap clock and lane ropes for the YMCA.

Very admirable about your measurements. You have better willpower than I do.
My goal is 145lbs and a 31” waist which I already achieved hopefully I’ll get down to a 30” or 32” waistline.
Jake

Jump to this post

eller, Congratulations, you are awesome.

REPLY
@contentandwell

@hopeful33250 I was bulimic when I was in my 20s. I had been heavy and lost a lot of weight but occasionally I couldn’t stop myself and binged on something so I would do what people do when they are bulimic. It was not a daily thing, just maybe weekly or so.

Eating too much is an addiction. When I was 90 pounds heavier I was always telling myself that I would start dieting tomorrow but tomorrow never came. I bought very few clothes and bought nothing expensive because I was going to lose weight! Now when I see young women who are very overweight I want to shake them and tell them how much they are compromising their health.

@ellerbracke Your measurements are great but I could never have achieved them, I’m an “Apple”, thick in the middle and always have been even when I was a size 5 in my 20s.

My loss of weight after my TKR and now has nothing to do with appetite, I’m as hungry as ever!

@gingerw Ginger, you are very compassionate and understanding… and right. Eating too much is, as I said, an addiction due to various things going on in a person’s life. Plus, I AM ALWAYS HUNGRY. I have learned control most of the time though, but put a big, yummy piece of cake in front of me and I will probably eat the whole thing, as I did at my son’s rehearsal dinner and wedding (but I still lost weight!). I do better having none, I can’t just have a small piece.

@jakedduck1 I am quite impressed by your swimming. I thought my daughter was good. She was at our place on a lake in Maine for an extended amount of time a few years ago and swam about two miles every morning before breakfast. Now she swims at her Health club quite a few times a week. I think she was born swimming. When I was pregnant with her there was so much activity they did an ultrasound to see if I was carrying twins – back then ultrasounds were not done routinely. I figure she was just swimming laps in there! 😁
JK

Jump to this post

@contentandwell I'm a binge eater too. I just had 4 brownies . I'm bad

REPLY
@imallears

@ellerbracke
Hi,

Oh there are so many judgmental just plain nasty people out there who constantly shame others, especially the overweight. I think judging these people is almost a natural reaction but I can’t tolerate shaming…especially when children do it. I also see too many overweight or obese people daily…too many young ones and too many in the health care industry. I feel sad for them especially the children.

My daughter who is a nurse practitioner and works in the ALFs here treats obese patients daily. She has so many patients with families that bring them in pizzas and junk food and then turn around and ask angrily why their parent is so sick and her lab numbers so bad. 70% of medical problems are food related.

I personally have overweight and obese friends who are just plain lazy and have told me they accept the way they are. They are not inclined to eat healthy and have no interest in nutrition and don’t want to hear about anything relating to good health. It’s frustrating and yes, I do judge them because they are smart people otherwise. I think…then don’t complain to me about any ailments you have or that you may be pre diabetic …you aren’t listening to advice even from your doctors. And the doctors! My friends husband is morbidly obese and she told me he his doctor never told him to lose weight. His doctor should be scaring the crap out of him.Meanwhile she is trying to help him on her own and his doctor just adjustshis insulin intake.

Too many people are unaware of how to choose healthy eating habits…they are living day to day just earning a living and raising families. They don’t read labels or read any literature that is food related because they honestly don’t know what’s available to them. It’s easier to shop for the same unhealthy cheaper foods especially when you encounter fast food eateries everywhere you go even at the supermarket and are bombarded with tv ads for junk. They don’t know that it takes just as much time to cook a healthy meal as it does an unhealthy one.

I blame the FDA and Drug Companies and Tobacco companies with their phony biased research funded by food and drug lobbyists. These people are not out to help you, they are out to make money….period the end. There’s research that says Coke can be beneficial to you and not as bad as it’s made out to be. ……research is funded by the CocoCola Company.

This country is doomed if the obesity rate doesn’t drop and everyone has to fend for themselves. Our children’s lifespans will get shorter. We are the only species that overeats and does not regulate their food intake (us and the poor animals we feed). We’re the most evolved species? We have a friend who reversed her early diagnosed MS because my daughter told her what to eat and gave her a cookbook. She listened big time and is as healthy as she was when younger.

I could go on but will spare you…it makes me so angry when I see and hear what I do. I don’t want to push advice on anyone but I’m only too happy to nudge you along the path.

Regards from FL Mary

Jump to this post

@imallears
True enough. I just don’t want to be fat so I do try and make a good faith effort at eating icky veggies and healthy junk instead of my favorite, candy….speaking of
Jake

REPLY
@jakedduck1

I can’t leave at all now. Since getting out of the hospital I’m not allowed to drive. Usually I’m not gone more than a couple hours, just long enough for some errands. A friend wants me to come visit for a week or so. If I hire someone to stay with her it will cost thousands.
I do have someone coming in occasionally
but I stay when she’s here.
My brother comes over when I go to the store but now I have to get groceries online and have others pick up prescriptions etc. Sure hope they don’t yank my license for a year. Not that I’m not use to it but it is inconvenient.
Jake

Jump to this post

@jakedduck1 HI Leonard . I gave up my license 2 years ago yes its hard not to just go when you want but with the financial part of a car I'm glad I did. I have my groceries delivered . Walmart will delivery free if you order at least 35.00 Also Instacart deliveries for 9.99 I love the delivery service . I cant get out and shop so this is ideal for me . Insurances have Express Script at least mine does that will mail your meds for you so they come to your mailbox. Its ideal for us who just cant get out .

REPLY
@ihtak46

Hi “ellerbracke”,
I believe I do the same thing. Im not at all a mean person but I do have a bad tendency to be judgmental.
For a while it was almost constant. Im trying to keep my mouth shut! I figure if I think it, its ok but keep it in….usually I make comments. Unfortunately not only about heavy people, mostly women but also people who are dressed weird, or people who dont bother to clean up or comb their hair before they go out. I hate when I see a mother and dad with a child….Mom and Dad have a jacket and hat on, the baby is in short sleeves, no hat! And…..so MUCH more. ( A 4 year old with a pacifier.). Crap, so much pisses me off! Im trying to do better.
“ellerbracke”, I agree with what you said too. How can people let themselves get THAT huge(?). Being a
little overweight is fine, but when I see people obese or 60 plus pounds overweight, I just wonder. Bad habit, uh?
The reason Im trying to be better is of course I should but the real reason is my daughter used to always tell me I shouldnt be so judgmental. She was right. We lost our daughter suddenly June 3. She gad a birthday on Aug 1……would have been 46. We are still in bad shape, feeling lost and empty. I cry every day. Its tough. No mother or dad should outlive their child. I have my story with Mayo Connect.
Regarding being judgmental, Im so bad, I make comments about people in commercials !!! My bad?😫
“eller”, take care.
I whine, too. They should have a “bitch session” section on Mayo Connect
Kathi Fodor
(My story is under: Recent, sudden, traumatic loss, etc.)
ithak46

Jump to this post

@ihtak46 I'm so sorry for your loss . I don't know how you get over this loss . My husband has been gone 19 yrs and I still miss him . To loss a child is so much worse I think . I'm so sorry Blessings to you

REPLY
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