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Joined: May 13, 2018

Personality Change of Kidney Transplant Patient

Posted by @cseymour, May 13, 2018

I am at a loss. My sweet husband, who is normally very kind and gentle, has become cynical, rude and just downright hard to be around. He has ESRD, been on dialysis, and received a transplant in September 2017. He has a complex case and is facing possible loss of transplant. I realize he has been through so much and I want to keep being a supportive caregiver. However, there is a limit to what one can take. Any suggestions or strategies on dealing with someone who appears to be mad at the world?


Hi cseymour, I can relate to feeling like I was st my witts end with my husbands personality change. He fought cancer until 2015, then was told he was terminal and since then his personality began to change. Now, as the cancer is spreading he is becoming more angry at the world in general and at me. So much so, he lives with his brother now. My husbands is 61, his brother 71. I tried one on one counseling for his moods and anger, joint counseling too. Anti depressants. Cancer group support. Organised and supported outside interest. He stopped those 5 months ago. I felt so bad for him, his unhappiness, feeling cheated on life etc but when he started in on me, it scared me. And I can’t live in fear. Or be mentally and emotionally abused. He use to show remorse. Then he stopped that. He’s suffered a lot physically and has been on pain meds for a long long time. And I think that changes the person. Sometimes. He’s even mad at God. Try to take the best care of yourself that you can. I highly suggest talking to a carer counsellor. I let it go on way too long. I’m trying to get on my feet, looking for work, moving to lower cost rental. It’s been a shocking upheaval and by the grace of a God of my understanding, I haven’t fallen completely apart or become ill myself. Take care, talk to professionals, get support, find respite somehow, somewhere . Seek options. Stay healthy. All the best.

I want to extend my sincere welcome to Connect. I don't usually participate in the caregiver discussion group, but the title of your post caught my eye. I am a liver/kidney recipient. I m sorry to hear about your husband's current complications. I can imagine how difficult this is for you, his wife an caregiver.

I think that you are right in saying that there is a limit to what you can take. I have read where many post transplant patients go thru various emotional and mental health issues that can be related to the many medications that they need to take. Youe husband seems to be under a double whammy because of the additional fear of losing the organ.
I want to invite you look at or post your question in the Transplant Discussion Group. Someone there might have experienced similar situation either as a recipient or as caregiver. you discussed any of this with his transplant

Have you discussed any of this with his transplant team? There should be a counselor who can be available for you as the caregiver.
I hope and pray that this is a temporary situation.
I am here if there is anything that you want to ask of me.

Hello @cseymour Nice to e-meet you here at Mayo Connect. I am Scott and although I am sorry for the situation that brought you here, I am glad you found Connect. It is a great community with broad shoulders, good listening folks, and a strong appreciation for sharing!

I was my wife’s caregiver for 14 years and I can understand your feelings during this tough time.

While I recognize each patient’s, and therefore each caregiver’s, situation is unique, I found it good therapy to share. I have no magic suggestions for getting through this phase of caregiving, but in my case the one thing that helped me was my mantra of my wife’s attitude was being directed by her chronic situation and not by her. She was simply a new and very different person while under the grasp of disease. I also kept an old pullow in our living room, which I frequently cried into and/or punched with all my might to relieve a tad bit of the stress I felt.

It’s a tough journey you are each on. Unfortunately the paths are incredibly different and unique in their focus.

I send you courage, strength, and peace.

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