Mayo Clinic Connect
Just wondering if Mayo offers counseling on how to cope with a very close, much loved family member that wreaks havoc on me.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Jennifer, GailBL, Volunteer Mentor, chocolate5lover ... see all
Hi @dazlin it must be difficult having a family member's health negatively affect you.
I wanted to introduce you to fellow Connect members @godsgiver @IndianaScott and @chocolate5lover as they can sympathize with a family member changing their lives, and may be able to offer support as you learn how to cope with the havoc you mentioned.
I also wanted to share that you can call any of the three Mayo Clinic campuses and ask if they offer such services. You'll find those numbers at this link: https://www.mayoclinic.org/appointments
@dazlin, you mentioned that your family member is wreaking havoc on you. Would you be comfortable explaining, or giving an example of behaviors that are causing you so much distress?
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Kanaaz Pereira, Connect Moderator, Lisa Lucier, godsgiver ... see all
I am here if you would like to talk about it. I am a Christian, type 2 diabetic, have anxiety attacks, and other health issues. I can't tell you how disappointing it is when the one you love seems to turn away from you, when you need them most. Please try to get any help you can that is available to you, it can make a big difference. A professional can help you from going around in maddening circles over and over again. Prayer seems to help a great deal for me. I will pray for you. I am not a professional and far from perfect, but can chat with you anytime you like. God Bless!
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor
I also am a devout Christian…I'm in constant prayer. I basically could use guidance and help understanding their thinking, and how to manage my approaches so I can be a part of their life.
Praying God intervenes, SOON!!
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, chocolate5lover
I am sorry to hear of the turmoil you feel because of your family member's mental illness. I would highly recommend that you look for a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) support group. Here is NAMI's website where you can find information on a support group in your area, https://www.nami.org/#
NAMI groups usually offer two different support groups, one for those who are dealing with mental illness and one for family members. The family member group gives everyone an opportunity to discuss how they are coping with the stressors of mental illness in their family. I believe that you would find their meetings most helpful.
As Ethan (@ethanmcconkey) said, you don't mentioned what specific behaviors are the most distressing for you. However, if there is an addiction involved you might also look into Al Anon groups in your area. They are specifically for family members of individuals who are dealing addictions. Here is their website, https://al-anon.org/.
I would also like to invite @gailb, @parus, @georgette12, @mamacita and @amberpep to this discussion. I think they will also have some helpful suggestions as well.
If you are a member of a church, your clergy person may also be able to help you find some counseling that would help you to cope.
Will you look into some of these groups?
Liked by Kanaaz Pereira, Connect Moderator, Lisa Lucier, ainsleigh, Paulalina
Thank you all! I'm not a caregiver…this is someone very tender and dear I hold close in my heart. I'll surely look into the suggestions here..appreciate very much!
Liked by Lisa Lucier, Paulalina
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@dazlin Hello. I just wanted to interject that I have attended the free 12 week course through NAMI. It was a total Godsend. It really helped to understand the various mental disorders and also how to converse with those that have the disorder. The group tends to become close and that helps to provide comfort as well. Just about every town has a NAMI chapter. Best of luck to you.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Jennifer, Kanaaz Pereira, Connect Moderator, Lisa Lucier ... see all
I wouldn't say I'm dealing with a mental disease (I want to clear that up)…this is a highly intelligent person with more of a personality disorder that chooses poor decisions that always reap bad consequences…hurtful to the entire family and takes no responsibility for their actions…I really dont want to label it, but I surely know what it is. I wouldn't say it's an addiction either…pure delusional thinking to benefit oneself. Seems I become the blame and target as well if I dare offer advice or guidance.
Wreaking havoc on their own life as well. I'm looking into the programs suggested here…appreciate so much!!
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The type of individual being described may not want to change unless that person wants to change.
Difficult situation for family and/or friends.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, GailBL, Volunteer Mentor, Lisa Lucier, ssbionicknee
@parus …exactly. Thats why it might help if I seek counseling.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, GailBL, Volunteer Mentor, Parus, Paulalina
@dazlin Surely would not hurt and a therapist may have suggestions as to how to deal with this person. It can be draining.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Kanaaz Pereira, Connect Moderator, GailBL, Volunteer Mentor
I was diagnosed with a Personality Disorder a long time ago and I was treated with DBT(Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy! I'm now in full remission from both Personality Disorder and Depression! I have an amazing Therapist, attend support groups including Acceptance Commitment Therapy! I fully understand your situation and my family members also still have a difficult time dealing with myself; however my current situation is different because I experienced a Major Stroke!
I do remember my family and friends supporting my Disorder and Disability, in that they also participated in helping me see how my behavior affected our relationships! I therefore chose to find help and support, which included medication for Depression, Anxiety, and my Mood Disorder!
I hope my suggestions help and support both you and your loved one through this situation!
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Jennifer, GailBL, Volunteer Mentor, GailBL, Volunteer Mentor ... see all
dazlin, look me up @godsgiver
Liked by GailBL, Volunteer Mentor
@godsgiver …yes, I remember your post about your situation, and I had responded. Hope your coping better. Different situation for me…I'm not a caregiver, nor is this person in need of one. This is a young, healthy person that surely can use counseling, but you cant help someone that doesn't want help. I walk on eggshells and carefully choose my words, as I never know what sets the trigger. I dont exactly dance to their tune either, but use my best wisdom, which I need help with. I choose to stay involved in their life, as I know they truly need my unconditional love. I believe in due time God will heal.
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, Terri Martin., Volunteer Mentor, GailBL, Volunteer Mentor, ssbionicknee
It is so hard to try and understand a troubled loved one's thoughts–may God answer your prayer! Still praying for you and your situation. Hang in there, dazlin!
Liked by Teresa, Volunteer Mentor, GailBL, Volunteer Mentor, dazlin
I am dealing with the same thing with my daughter. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I will be looking into these groups as well. So very hard. The only I have found on this journey so far is validating her feelings. I just say that I understand whatever it is she said to me and repeat it back to her. That's as far as I've gotten. Yet the person you are talking about sounds exactly like my daughter. Poor decisions with bad consequences which she continues to repeat over and over again. She rages for hours and can equally cry just as long. I never know what I'm waking up to each day. It blows my mind. I also seem to be the target but I think, I can totally be off base here, I'm the one that's always there for her and sometimes I feel like she is trying to separate from me. Like their is a strong dependency on me. I also think I'm the rule maker in the home and I don't sway from certain things I believe in. I still have to be her mother and watch out for her safety. So difficult though. She's flipped her car, another time hit a sign. She has tremendous guilt over everything, no sense of identity, no self confidence. Threatens to kill herself, which I believe is a real possibility which scares me the most. It's so heartbreaking and sad to me. She was with a therapist and psychiatrist but now have her in a program which offers DBT skills. I feel for you. So very, very hard.
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