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cseymour (@cseymour)

Personality Change of Kidney Transplant Patient

Caregivers | Last Active: Sep 19, 2022 | Replies (46)

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Hello, my husband has been through several transplants and I can also confirm that his personality has changed severely. I have been taking care of him for many years, sacrificing a LOT, went through a lot of trauma and seeing horrible things and after all of that, I am now living with a cold, selfish, self-centered, manipulative calculating monster who only thinks about himself because he believes that he is entitled to everything just because he is sick. It almost feels like a reversed discrimination, a sick person hating a healthy one just because we are healthy and they are not. I am very disappointed that this is the result of the many years of stress and superior care that he received from me. I used to judge people who left their loved ones when they got sick, well, after my bitter experience – not anymore!

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Replies to "Hello, my husband has been through several transplants and I can also confirm that his personality..."

Hello @paradis

I am so sorry to hear about your difficult caregiving experience. I sense you are running on empty at this point of caregiving. It is important to take care of yourself. If you have ever traveled on an airline, the flight attendants always instruct that when the oxygen masks drops down you put on yours on first and then help others with their masks. This is so true for you now.

I would, like Kanaaz, said to get some support for yourself through a counselor, pastor or the NAMI group. NAMI offers support groups for the families of those who are suffering from family situations like yours. They offer great support.

I'm also wondering what kind of support you have in caring for your husband. Do you have family members nearby who can pitch in and give you a 1/2 day off now and then? Are there respite centers in your community that can offer a place for your husband to go and give you a break? It is so important to take care of yourself and it is also important that your husband sees that you are taking care of yourself as well.

Has your husband tried to get professional help for his personality disorder?

I also encourage you to get some professional help for yourself. A counselor, therapist, pastor, just someone you can talk to who can help support you at this time.

You surely don’t deserve this. A not uncommon thread in caregiving burnout seems to be the frustration that comes from “doing” for someone else, and instead of grateful recognition the caregiver gets more responsibility dumped on them. Why me? How much can I take? I have to believe most caregivers face this, it’s just that not all of them are willing to be as honest as you have been here. Feel free to head over to the Caregivers Group. You can let your hair down there