Connect
Patience
My wife is somewhere on the (advanced???) MCI spectrum (not advanced dementia) and spends a lot of time scrolling through her phone and iPad emails, texts and phone calls. Today she was trying to delete a long list of "recent" (and not so recent) phone calls on her iPad, which can be done either in bulk (she is clueless how to do this) or by swiping individual ones. In trying to swipe she was "tapping" the call and it initiate a "call back" each time. So she came to me and I tried to explain how to swipe without initiating a call, and/or offered to bulk delete them for her. She then got agitated that I might delete something she wanted to keep (why, why, why???). It frustrates me to no end and I end up making her more agitated, and then I'm mad at myself for having no patience. It is so difficult to realize that she is not capable of understanding what I'm showing her, yet she still wants to do it herself. So we both end up upset. I understand this is all on me because she can't help herself, but damn it's hard. Thanks for listening.
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.
Connect
@wctdoc1943 We're mostly on bill pay too, so I don't know why my husband is going into the accounts - and going into the bank statement, and paying it again. Yes, the payment goes to principal, but it's a double pay on $ we don't have.
He has this system or so he thinks, that he checks off in his folder, everything that has been made by month. It gives him something to do, as long as he doesn't resend payments. I'll have to figure this one out, as I hate to change the passwords again where he has no access. I just have to have a better way of what I say to him so he doesn't think I'm taking the bills away from him. It's got more to do with letting him okay, still go through his checking process BUT anything outside of auto pay, I pay vs. him.
Thanks for responding.....Karla
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@labrown Thank you. It is sad and difficult to see their world shrink. My wife does crossword puzzles all day, thinking they keep her mind "sharp". I'm sure it helps a little in some way, but she has to cheat by looking at the answers and starting with the first letter of each response filled in. But I cannot get her to go for walks with me, which might be more beneficial. Such a cruel disease.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 Reactions@moea Thank you for responding. All those emotions are prominent with me too. I miss having normal conversations about meaningful things. Our interactions are often confrontational or turn into confrontations. It's tricky to navigate. I have learned that walking away or at least not engaging in confrontation is the best thing for me (us???). Most of the time she quickly forgets what it was about. She threatens to move into the guest bedroom all the time and an hour later she doesn't remember why her pillow and gown are in another room (I'm not telling-LOL).
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 Reactions@judimahoney Ha! I like your idea. Don't know if you're old enough to remember tha old TV show Hee-Haw, but they used to do a skit, accompanied by a sone that went something like, "Gloom, despair, and agony on me....if it weren't for bad news, I'd have no news at all....(gloom, despair and agony on me). Some days are like that (a lot of days, and nights, too). But we're here, so we aren't alone.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
6 Reactions@judimahoney Great idea! I call drums!!!! I wanna bang on sh*t until I'm exhausted!!!!! No one wants to hear me sing, though.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@wctdoc1943
I do remember that song! 😆
@cyds
You're in!
@cyds I wanted the drums…you beat me to them😉
@labrown maybe congas or bongos….?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionI'm so sorry that your wife is having these problems understanding her phone etc. It must be very hard for her to have problems with something she probably used to do normally. It's good that you realize that you need to have more patience with her. However, sometimes that is very hard to do. Ask God for help and guidance. He will be there for you and your wife. Also remember there may come a time when you may not have that time with your wife. Enjoy every day and moment with her. Tell her how much you love her while you still can. My husband died of lung cancer in 2024. We told each other often how much we loved one another. I'm glad to have those memories because now at age 80 that is all I have.
I'll say a prayer for both you and your wife.
I wish you the best.
PML
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions