Depression and taking medicine for years

Posted by Jan @theotherone, Dec 7, 2017

I found this board several months ago but I joined just yesterday. I always felt I have nothing valuable to say. Anyway, now I feel the need to join. Events that have happened recently moved me to reach out either for support and to try to be helpful to other people.
I suffer from depression and taking medicine for years. I have experienced ups and downs, sometimes better sometimes worse times. You know it. In October I had to be hospitalized in psychiatric hospital. It was my third time to be there. The reason was that I tried to commit suicide. Weeks before that I felt totally desperate. My condition got worse and worse. I experienced big disappointments with some people who are close to me and I think that was the trigger for depression attack. I could barely sleep abut I always felt tired. I couldn’t even cry, And I saw I getting on my wife’s nerves. I just came to conclusion that it would be better if I stop all that. Luckily, in the hospital they saved my life (I was 2 days in coma). After ER, I was sent to psychiatric hospital. I stayed there for 5 weeks. I know I almost died then and now, even I still have problems with my mood and lack of energy, I want to reach for help and for support.
My depression is coming from my childhood. As a child, I was abused by my father and bullied in school. Maybe later I can tell more about it, I don’t want to write it now. All those things marked me for life. I was 19, when I was able to leave home and I thought all bad is left behind, but it is not that easy. True, I know how to communicate now, I can find friends already but I still carry it with me wherever I go. The fears I have are reflected everywhere, when I talk to others, even when I doing as simple things as shopping. Many times memories come back to me, even as the nightmares, many times I have woke up with screaming.
There are many I would like to say, maybe by time I will be able.
Another reason I joined this forum is that I would like to be in some way helpful to others. We all have problems and I would like to be supportive to others because I know what does it mean to suffer. I hope i can contribute.

@parus

@jimhd Seems many of us have a lot in common. It is those “mares” that are difficult to deal with. I was always one to keep busy all the time. My bod gave out and I hit the bottom of the pit. A daily challenge for many of us to face. My abusive childhood had remained buried for a long time. Stuff happens and oft makes us what we are now. That old saying of, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” just ain’t true!! I can still hear the recantations of my abusers. Many of us are survivors. Thanks again Jim.

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yes I have survived MBProxy. I just wrote a long and sharing post about my life and then couldn’t bear seeing it and feeling familiar shame and certainty it isn’t real deleted it….I will post it when I can!

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@desirea

Hello Hopeful33250 I guess it was the timing that brought me to Mayo Connect and the channels of support you offered. I am a bit shy and too old to stay quiet for long! Thank You for the support in joining Mental Health.

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Welcome to Connect, @desirea

I’ve been shy all my life. I’m also very appreciative of the people and support in Mayo Connect. I look forward to hearing more from you.

Jim

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Hello @jimhd Thank You for the welcome and yes, I feel the good energy here. I am happy to have found Connect and meeting everyone.

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Thank you for your post. I also suffer with depression and have for many years. It was brave of you to join the group and share your message.

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@alabamanutcase

Thank you for your post. I also suffer with depression and have for many years. It was brave of you to join the group and share your message.

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@alabamanutcase Thanks for you post. I see this is just your 2nd post on Mayo Connect. Welcome to our discussion – I hope we get to know you better as time goes on.

Teresa

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@alabamanutcase An interesting username-I somehow doubt you are a nut. Besides, some of the most amusing folks I know are nuts.

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@parus

@alabamanutcase An interesting username-I somehow doubt you are a nut. Besides, some of the most amusing folks I know are nuts.

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I love your user name I am just gone lulu which is my real nickname. We had a boat called Gone Lulu

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I suffer from major depression and don’t even know why. I do have a lot of health problems.

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@lulu63

I suffer from major depression and don’t even know why. I do have a lot of health problems.

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Depression often comes with no apparent reason and without warning. Many people then don’t understand it, they think it can be fixed when we “cheer up.” It is not that easy.

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@lulu63

I suffer from major depression and don’t even know why. I do have a lot of health problems.

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Hello @lulu63

I see that you just recently joined Mayo Connect – welcome! I am sorry to hear of your major depression – sometimes health problems can be a predictor of depression. Breathing or heart problems (where there is insufficient blood or oxygen to the brain) can certainly set us up for depression. Certain neurological disorders/brain disorders can also change the chemistry of the brain. Often, health problems lead to inactivity which can certainly heightened depression as well.

We would enjoy getting to know you better. As you feel comfortable, please share with us some of the health problems you are dealing with.

Teresa

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Hi there …. and may I also welcome you to the group of “nutcases.” I do mean that jokingly …. just thought it was funny. You will find the more you open up about yourself here, the more help you will get …… so many of us have been where you’re at. Health problems can certainly play into this …. I know what that feels like. I’m what they would call (and I’m not proud of this) a “catastrophic thinker.” That means I can see a little mole on my arm and immediately my mind goes to a malignant melanoma! So then I worry and worry and worry til I see a doctor and he/she tells me it’s nothing. I’m not diminishing your health problems …. believe me …. I just know how health problems can really affect our emotions. Also, as you scroll through the first page of Mayo Clinic Connect, there are a lot of pictures of different health issues …. you just may find your problem there too so then you’d have double the help!
Take care,
abby

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Thank you for you warming words. I also as a child had major problems but with my mother. She was mean abusive and my dad did nothing to stop her. If I’d of known then what I know today I would of reported her although there was an incident my daddy was in the Air Force, when she beat me really bad and I left the house and went to a neighbor for help. They took me to the military hospital where the police were called in. I stayed with my neighbor that night. The next day the police came and got me and took me home where my fathers commanding officer the police gave me an escort to get all my things and leave the house. My mother was told not to say anything to me but….as I was leaving she said “you damn better remember all the pain you caused us”, when she died several years ago I went home to her viewing and
D funeral and never shed a tear. Today I still want to know why I was treated that way, I wasn’t a bad child I was so afraid of her. And I swore if I ever had children they would never be treated like that. I am very fortunate I have two wonderful children. But my problem now for the last three months is severe anxiety and depression. I don’t want to live like this, this has all happened since coming off of the prescription drug Lyrica. I do take Celexa 20 mg daily and family doctor has given me short term use of Ativan 0.5mg which helps some. My mornings are horrible after I am up for about 1/2 hour. I. So tired

Liked by Jamie Olson, Jan

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When I was growing up I thought everyone lived as I did. I stood by, at the age of 24, watching my on mother relish the attention she received when my father blew his brains out. He did what no one else could ever do-he shut her up!!! She died in 2012. I did attend her funeral as it was the right thing to do. My 2 adult sons went with me to be supportive and we were treated with disrespect because of my own mother’s lies. She abused my children too.

Abuse is a terrible thing. Her recantations still blare in my head at times. No one ever knew the extent of her abuse and how nothing was ever her fault.

@cdcc I never shed a tear either. I can say I never hated her. I just never understood how someone could be so abusive and appear so blue-pure perfect to the outside world. I now know all families do not live as I grew up. I can say I am my father’s daughter and he taught me many things. We neither one were bad children. I also feared my mother. I was a very passive child and no one would ever believe the dreadful things she said and did. Sounds like you and I had the same mother. Hugs.

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@amberpep It has been learned that some types of “nuts” are healthy. Like how you think.

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@cdcc

Thank you for you warming words. I also as a child had major problems but with my mother. She was mean abusive and my dad did nothing to stop her. If I’d of known then what I know today I would of reported her although there was an incident my daddy was in the Air Force, when she beat me really bad and I left the house and went to a neighbor for help. They took me to the military hospital where the police were called in. I stayed with my neighbor that night. The next day the police came and got me and took me home where my fathers commanding officer the police gave me an escort to get all my things and leave the house. My mother was told not to say anything to me but….as I was leaving she said “you damn better remember all the pain you caused us”, when she died several years ago I went home to her viewing and
D funeral and never shed a tear. Today I still want to know why I was treated that way, I wasn’t a bad child I was so afraid of her. And I swore if I ever had children they would never be treated like that. I am very fortunate I have two wonderful children. But my problem now for the last three months is severe anxiety and depression. I don’t want to live like this, this has all happened since coming off of the prescription drug Lyrica. I do take Celexa 20 mg daily and family doctor has given me short term use of Ativan 0.5mg which helps some. My mornings are horrible after I am up for about 1/2 hour. I. So tired

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@cdcc
There are a ton of meds that have varying systems in which they act upon. I know, because I have tried no fewer than 75 combinations – methodically and with great psychiatric oversight and referrals to expert “super specialists” for consultation. I am better today for that effort. Without these meds, my mood tumbles fast and furiously.

I work in healthcare and have tremendous respect for the family practitioner. It is impossible, however, to meaningfully stay abreast of all areas of medicine. I urge you to research thoroughly to find a highly regarded pychiatrist in your area. If insurance coverage gets in the way – a consult, at the very least. A good psychiatrist follows ongoing evidenced-based practice with the most recent research.

Liked by Jamie Olson, Jan

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