Depression and taking medicine for years
I found this board several months ago but I joined just yesterday. I always felt I have nothing valuable to say. Anyway, now I feel the need to join. Events that have happened recently moved me to reach out either for support and to try to be helpful to other people.
I suffer from depression and taking medicine for years. I have experienced ups and downs, sometimes better sometimes worse times. You know it. In October I had to be hospitalized in psychiatric hospital. It was my third time to be there. The reason was that I tried to commit suicide. Weeks before that I felt totally desperate. My condition got worse and worse. I experienced big disappointments with some people who are close to me and I think that was the trigger for depression attack. I could barely sleep abut I always felt tired. I couldn’t even cry, And I saw I getting on my wife’s nerves. I just came to conclusion that it would be better if I stop all that. Luckily, in the hospital they saved my life (I was 2 days in coma). After ER, I was sent to psychiatric hospital. I stayed there for 5 weeks. I know I almost died then and now, even I still have problems with my mood and lack of energy, I want to reach for help and for support.
My depression is coming from my childhood. As a child, I was abused by my father and bullied in school. Maybe later I can tell more about it, I don’t want to write it now. All those things marked me for life. I was 19, when I was able to leave home and I thought all bad is left behind, but it is not that easy. True, I know how to communicate now, I can find friends already but I still carry it with me wherever I go. The fears I have are reflected everywhere, when I talk to others, even when I doing as simple things as shopping. Many times memories come back to me, even as the nightmares, many times I have woke up with screaming.
There are many I would like to say, maybe by time I will be able.
Another reason I joined this forum is that I would like to be in some way helpful to others. We all have problems and I would like to be supportive to others because I know what does it mean to suffer. I hope i can contribute.
Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.
there are studies that show verbal abuse can have much greater impact than physical abuse…the ideas implanted in our self image, often for the rest of our lives, from cruel twisted pronouncements made to us as children are much worse than blows of belt or fist.
dear @pendragonart, thank you for this information. after reading your reply and thinking again and again about all the ramifications that i never thought about i realize you are so right. myself and others can do much more harm than good. (but why do i still want to throttle the (curseword) person)? it is still pent up in me what was done to me many, many times over and again. it wells up in me, time will not heal this in me. i must continue to live with it. rather than continue to hear the screaming for over 20 minutes as i shop; i will leave the store and come back later. just want you to know that THIS WAS THE SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED WITH THE SAME MOTHER AND THE SAME CHILDREN. i was thinking of waiting, getting the license plate number as she left the store and annonamosly sending it to child protective services. i did not do this but i dream.
dear pendragonart: i agree with you but: when your father breaks dinner dishes over your head where is the comparison? sorry, do not wish to argue. still healing. still hurts. perhaps i am looking for compassion! ps, no money for food but could afford to buy other dishes.
@peach414144 Sometimes I am playing with the idea to report such parents, especially when it is clear that we are speaking about abuse there. But I’ve never had courage. Then I feel guilty for doing nothing to help the child.
@peach414144 Looking for compassion isn’t bad. As humans, we have need to be accepted and understood.
Seriously, that is terrible, breaking dishes over child”s head. I’m sorry you had to go through such abuse. It’s good you can talk about it and let it out.
To your last sentence, yes, I know what you mean. My parents never had enough money, only for my father’s booze.
dear theotherone, yes the guilt trip when not doing anything for the child bothers me for quite a while.
@theotherone thank you for understanding. yes, no money for food but somehow there were always more dishes. we both know that these incidents of yours and mine are only the surface of how much more was done to us; and to the many others. there is still such a great need for mental health issues of all kinds. it seems to be at the bottom of the list. actually it should be at the top as we all know. these issues affect us in many ways. all of us.
Hi friend …. I want to add myself to those welcoming you. Your story is not unlike many of ours …. childhood abuse (physical, emotional, and sexual), and then an abusive marriage. It is not easy to get through this without support ….. I’m glad you’ve joined us. We understand, many of us have been there, and through the help of our doctors, this group, and meds. we’re moving on. Will we ever forget? I doubt it, but I have found that my story has helped others open up about their situations in life. Abuse is insidious …. it digs in and even though we think we have conquered its effects, the flashbacks still occasionally come.
We’re with you friend …… stick with us ….. you’ll find wonderful and wise wisdom here from many, many, folks.
@amberpep Thank you. Yes, I can feel support here. I hope I can be support for other people here.
should be the top of the list as it is the cause of most of the chronic diseases that are becoming more and more common. maybe that is too simplistic to say, but there are proven links between such diseases and childhood trauma. even if the powers that be only look at monetary costs burdening society, childhood trauma is at the root of crime of all kinds as well as illnesses.