Depression and taking medicine for years

Posted by Jan @theotherone, Dec 7, 2017

I found this board several months ago but I joined just yesterday. I always felt I have nothing valuable to say. Anyway, now I feel the need to join. Events that have happened recently moved me to reach out either for support and to try to be helpful to other people.
I suffer from depression and taking medicine for years. I have experienced ups and downs, sometimes better sometimes worse times. You know it. In October I had to be hospitalized in psychiatric hospital. It was my third time to be there. The reason was that I tried to commit suicide. Weeks before that I felt totally desperate. My condition got worse and worse. I experienced big disappointments with some people who are close to me and I think that was the trigger for depression attack. I could barely sleep abut I always felt tired. I couldn’t even cry, And I saw I getting on my wife’s nerves. I just came to conclusion that it would be better if I stop all that. Luckily, in the hospital they saved my life (I was 2 days in coma). After ER, I was sent to psychiatric hospital. I stayed there for 5 weeks. I know I almost died then and now, even I still have problems with my mood and lack of energy, I want to reach for help and for support.
My depression is coming from my childhood. As a child, I was abused by my father and bullied in school. Maybe later I can tell more about it, I don’t want to write it now. All those things marked me for life. I was 19, when I was able to leave home and I thought all bad is left behind, but it is not that easy. True, I know how to communicate now, I can find friends already but I still carry it with me wherever I go. The fears I have are reflected everywhere, when I talk to others, even when I doing as simple things as shopping. Many times memories come back to me, even as the nightmares, many times I have woke up with screaming.
There are many I would like to say, maybe by time I will be able.
Another reason I joined this forum is that I would like to be in some way helpful to others. We all have problems and I would like to be supportive to others because I know what does it mean to suffer. I hope i can contribute.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

@lisalucier

Hi, @theotherone — Really glad that you decided to join us here. I think you will find many wonderful members in this community. Sounds like you’ve had some terribly hard life experiences. A few members who come to mind when you talk about a childhood background of abuse are: @amberpep, @parus, @pendragonart, @peach414144 and @vsinn2000. I believe they may have something to share.

You mentioned sometimes fears you have are reflected when you do things like talk to others or go shopping. I’m wondering if you could tell us more about that?

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I have the same reaction due to my ptsd. I cry and struggle with the scene and child’s pain for hours after

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@lisalucier

Hi, @theotherone — Really glad that you decided to join us here. I think you will find many wonderful members in this community. Sounds like you’ve had some terribly hard life experiences. A few members who come to mind when you talk about a childhood background of abuse are: @amberpep, @parus, @pendragonart, @peach414144 and @vsinn2000. I believe they may have something to share.

You mentioned sometimes fears you have are reflected when you do things like talk to others or go shopping. I’m wondering if you could tell us more about that?

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@peach414144 @pendragonart I am very sorry to hear you feel that pain. I often feel the same, when I hear a child crying and I see parent do nothing or even shout and swear. My past comes to my mind and I ether feel sorry for the child, because I can imagine what is it going through and also memories start to overflow me. I never have courage to approach the parent, maybe it sounds silly, but somehow I fear they can hurt me also. Although I know I’m an grown up man.

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@jimhd Seems many of us have a lot in common. It is those “mares” that are difficult to deal with. I was always one to keep busy all the time. My bod gave out and I hit the bottom of the pit. A daily challenge for many of us to face. My abusive childhood had remained buried for a long time. Stuff happens and oft makes us what we are now. That old saying of, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” just ain’t true!! I can still hear the recantations of my abusers. Many of us are survivors. Thanks again Jim.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @theotherone — Really glad that you decided to join us here. I think you will find many wonderful members in this community. Sounds like you’ve had some terribly hard life experiences. A few members who come to mind when you talk about a childhood background of abuse are: @amberpep, @parus, @pendragonart, @peach414144 and @vsinn2000. I believe they may have something to share.

You mentioned sometimes fears you have are reflected when you do things like talk to others or go shopping. I’m wondering if you could tell us more about that?

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@theotherone

I understand what you are saying – it’s a powerless feeling, isn’t it?

Teresa

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@lisalucier

Hi, @theotherone — Really glad that you decided to join us here. I think you will find many wonderful members in this community. Sounds like you’ve had some terribly hard life experiences. A few members who come to mind when you talk about a childhood background of abuse are: @amberpep, @parus, @pendragonart, @peach414144 and @vsinn2000. I believe they may have something to share.

You mentioned sometimes fears you have are reflected when you do things like talk to others or go shopping. I’m wondering if you could tell us more about that?

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dear @theotherone: yes, the poor child not only is the mother creating another ptsd person, she is also creating another sadist. this is doublefold. the mother should be addressing her issues with a professional.. what created the mother? again, THE NEVER ENDING STORY! we all must keep trying to do whatever it is to help somehow and to never give up. with love barbara

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Hi @theotherone,

I just wanted to jump in and say that you deserve to be applauded. I sincerely believe that by supporting others, by helping others, we also help ourselves. It’s not easy, I know – as @parus said, “Many of us are survivors.” But ‘using’ experiences and sharing stories, as a means to help others, can strengthen our own resilience. We’re so glad you’ve joined the Connect community.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @theotherone — Really glad that you decided to join us here. I think you will find many wonderful members in this community. Sounds like you’ve had some terribly hard life experiences. A few members who come to mind when you talk about a childhood background of abuse are: @amberpep, @parus, @pendragonart, @peach414144 and @vsinn2000. I believe they may have something to share.

You mentioned sometimes fears you have are reflected when you do things like talk to others or go shopping. I’m wondering if you could tell us more about that?

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there is a genuine rational reason to not approach a parent! what we say may cause more abuse when we are gone or cause parent to become aggressive, even violent, with us. there are ways and times to say things not judgementally that may cause the parent to see things differently….reframing the situation and even appearing sympathetic as an opener… very delicate situation! must be handled with skill. I have spoken to the child or the parent a number of times usually (not always) with good or neutral results in the moment, but I am a certified communication counselor. don’t be hard on yourself for not speaking….be compassionate to the powerless frightened child…both within you and in the situation. sometimes a gentle smile to the child when no one is looking can help or touching your heart and “sending” it to them…when parent doesn’t see it. but be careful!

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@kanaazpereira

Hi @theotherone,

I just wanted to jump in and say that you deserve to be applauded. I sincerely believe that by supporting others, by helping others, we also help ourselves. It’s not easy, I know – as @parus said, “Many of us are survivors.” But ‘using’ experiences and sharing stories, as a means to help others, can strengthen our own resilience. We’re so glad you’ve joined the Connect community.

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@kanaazpereira Thank you for your encouraging words.

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@parus

@jimhd Seems many of us have a lot in common. It is those “mares” that are difficult to deal with. I was always one to keep busy all the time. My bod gave out and I hit the bottom of the pit. A daily challenge for many of us to face. My abusive childhood had remained buried for a long time. Stuff happens and oft makes us what we are now. That old saying of, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” just ain’t true!! I can still hear the recantations of my abusers. Many of us are survivors. Thanks again Jim.

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there are studies that show verbal abuse can have much greater impact than physical abuse…the ideas implanted in our self image, often for the rest of our lives, from cruel twisted pronouncements made to us as children are much worse than blows of belt or fist.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @theotherone — Really glad that you decided to join us here. I think you will find many wonderful members in this community. Sounds like you’ve had some terribly hard life experiences. A few members who come to mind when you talk about a childhood background of abuse are: @amberpep, @parus, @pendragonart, @peach414144 and @vsinn2000. I believe they may have something to share.

You mentioned sometimes fears you have are reflected when you do things like talk to others or go shopping. I’m wondering if you could tell us more about that?

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dear @pendragonart, thank you for this information. after reading your reply and thinking again and again about all the ramifications that i never thought about i realize you are so right. myself and others can do much more harm than good. (but why do i still want to throttle the (curseword) person)? it is still pent up in me what was done to me many, many times over and again. it wells up in me, time will not heal this in me. i must continue to live with it. rather than continue to hear the screaming for over 20 minutes as i shop; i will leave the store and come back later. just want you to know that THIS WAS THE SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED WITH THE SAME MOTHER AND THE SAME CHILDREN. i was thinking of waiting, getting the license plate number as she left the store and annonamosly sending it to child protective services. i did not do this but i dream.

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@parus

@jimhd Seems many of us have a lot in common. It is those “mares” that are difficult to deal with. I was always one to keep busy all the time. My bod gave out and I hit the bottom of the pit. A daily challenge for many of us to face. My abusive childhood had remained buried for a long time. Stuff happens and oft makes us what we are now. That old saying of, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” just ain’t true!! I can still hear the recantations of my abusers. Many of us are survivors. Thanks again Jim.

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dear pendragonart: i agree with you but: when your father breaks dinner dishes over your head where is the comparison? sorry, do not wish to argue. still healing. still hurts. perhaps i am looking for compassion! ps, no money for food but could afford to buy other dishes.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @theotherone — Really glad that you decided to join us here. I think you will find many wonderful members in this community. Sounds like you’ve had some terribly hard life experiences. A few members who come to mind when you talk about a childhood background of abuse are: @amberpep, @parus, @pendragonart, @peach414144 and @vsinn2000. I believe they may have something to share.

You mentioned sometimes fears you have are reflected when you do things like talk to others or go shopping. I’m wondering if you could tell us more about that?

Jump to this post

@peach414144 Sometimes I am playing with the idea to report such parents, especially when it is clear that we are speaking about abuse there. But I’ve never had courage. Then I feel guilty for doing nothing to help the child.

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