Depression and taking medicine for years

Posted by Jan @theotherone, Dec 7, 2017

I found this board several months ago but I joined just yesterday. I always felt I have nothing valuable to say. Anyway, now I feel the need to join. Events that have happened recently moved me to reach out either for support and to try to be helpful to other people.
I suffer from depression and taking medicine for years. I have experienced ups and downs, sometimes better sometimes worse times. You know it. In October I had to be hospitalized in psychiatric hospital. It was my third time to be there. The reason was that I tried to commit suicide. Weeks before that I felt totally desperate. My condition got worse and worse. I experienced big disappointments with some people who are close to me and I think that was the trigger for depression attack. I could barely sleep abut I always felt tired. I couldn’t even cry, And I saw I getting on my wife’s nerves. I just came to conclusion that it would be better if I stop all that. Luckily, in the hospital they saved my life (I was 2 days in coma). After ER, I was sent to psychiatric hospital. I stayed there for 5 weeks. I know I almost died then and now, even I still have problems with my mood and lack of energy, I want to reach for help and for support.
My depression is coming from my childhood. As a child, I was abused by my father and bullied in school. Maybe later I can tell more about it, I don’t want to write it now. All those things marked me for life. I was 19, when I was able to leave home and I thought all bad is left behind, but it is not that easy. True, I know how to communicate now, I can find friends already but I still carry it with me wherever I go. The fears I have are reflected everywhere, when I talk to others, even when I doing as simple things as shopping. Many times memories come back to me, even as the nightmares, many times I have woke up with screaming.
There are many I would like to say, maybe by time I will be able.
Another reason I joined this forum is that I would like to be in some way helpful to others. We all have problems and I would like to be supportive to others because I know what does it mean to suffer. I hope i can contribute.

@parus

@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best to allow others to live in their own comfort zones.
Abusers are indeed clever with their abuse.

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to deartheotherone: how very nice it is of you to offer but at my age i cannot “google translate” but, the second book in english. please give me the name of it and i will purchase it myself. i thank you for your kindness. peach barbara

@parus

@theotherone Glad to hear you will be writing another book. I have learned it is best to allow others to live in their own comfort zones.
Abusers are indeed clever with their abuse.

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dear parus, you hit the nail on the head when you wrote “abusers are indeed clever with their abuse”. i think i have had it all. the child abuse and then the sexual harrasment during my adulthood. my harrasser placed me in mortal danger when “i would not come across”. somehow i made it to my retirement and he did not get what he wanted. it did play a toll on me. who did he think he was. after all of the child abuse i should be abused again? wow i did suffer from this greatly but i made it. i think i could write a number of books. perhaps a serial? laugh clown laugh

@parus

@amberpep Thank you. I will do my best and endeavor to keep my opinions of shrinks to myself. I do see a therapist from time to time.

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dear parus, you have the right to complain about a doctor just as all of us do. there are good and bad in all. .

@cdcc

Thank you for you warming words. I also as a child had major problems but with my mother. She was mean abusive and my dad did nothing to stop her. If I’d of known then what I know today I would of reported her although there was an incident my daddy was in the Air Force, when she beat me really bad and I left the house and went to a neighbor for help. They took me to the military hospital where the police were called in. I stayed with my neighbor that night. The next day the police came and got me and took me home where my fathers commanding officer the police gave me an escort to get all my things and leave the house. My mother was told not to say anything to me but….as I was leaving she said “you damn better remember all the pain you caused us”, when she died several years ago I went home to her viewing and
D funeral and never shed a tear. Today I still want to know why I was treated that way, I wasn’t a bad child I was so afraid of her. And I swore if I ever had children they would never be treated like that. I am very fortunate I have two wonderful children. But my problem now for the last three months is severe anxiety and depression. I don’t want to live like this, this has all happened since coming off of the prescription drug Lyrica. I do take Celexa 20 mg daily and family doctor has given me short term use of Ativan 0.5mg which helps some. My mornings are horrible after I am up for about 1/2 hour. I. So tired

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http://pendragonart.tripod.com/visionaryart/ I haven’t had time to edit and update for almost a year i’m embarrassed to say but will appreciate any feedback positive or negative that will help me improve it when I get time…I don’t have the time to put into this forum that I would love to put in in replies and likes as well as posts….I wish I did. this is a wonderfully helpful forum for these issues.

Hi @theotherone. If you haven’t tried it before, please consider working with a therapist who has been certified to work with trauma. I too had a difficult childhood, and spent about six months last year working with a really good counselor who really knew how to address childhood trauma. It was not an easy process and it was difficult work, but it has really helped me a lot. Best wishes on your journey.

@parus

@jimhd Seems many of us have a lot in common. It is those “mares” that are difficult to deal with. I was always one to keep busy all the time. My bod gave out and I hit the bottom of the pit. A daily challenge for many of us to face. My abusive childhood had remained buried for a long time. Stuff happens and oft makes us what we are now. That old saying of, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” just ain’t true!! I can still hear the recantations of my abusers. Many of us are survivors. Thanks again Jim.

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Hi, @pendragonart — just wanted to mention that to be extra sure that someone gets a message specifically for them, include the name of the person you are addressing by typing the @ symbol in front of their username in your message. I’d also suggest that you click VIEW & REPLY to see the whole thread in context.

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