Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

Dearest Annie, I am so sorry you spend your time in fear. Please make sure you share all of those feelings with your doctor, and make a point of asking him about the meds and their consequences. If you can, you may wish to talk with a psychological counselor other than your physician, in order to get a different perspective and some helpful tips. This is another reason depression is so difficult when it strikes us as Seniors — it is easy for us to believe there will be no end. But do not accept that! If you attend church, spend some time with your pastor and let him help you gain some positive thoughts. If you do not attend church, get a friend or relative to introduce you to a good pastor they know. Find a hobby where you are making or designing something. One thing this will do is perk you up when you have done a good job and you are proud of the outcome. It also keeps your mind occupied and productive. I hope there is someone close to you who can listen to your circumstances and provide support. If not, look for someone — befriend a neighbor, find a group to join, do some pleasing volunteer work if you are able. You need a distraction, so that you will not dwell on your fears. You have taken a good step by writing your thoughts here, and I hope you will continue. Please know that, although we are not acquainted, I care about you. I want you to be content for the rest of your life! God bless you always.

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You are not alone seeker. I am going through the same feelings you are plus Amxiety/Panic. I am also a senior that just wants to live peacefully and enjoy my husband, daughter and grandaughter before it's too late. Are you on medication?

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@jimhd

@seeker70 – I totally connect with what you say, and I know it would be helpful to me to enter a conversation with you. Trouble is, I’m part way through a cold, and I’m just not up to writing or thinking. Give me a couple of days and I’ll try to remember to join in. I’ve been going through a month or so of increased depression, and being sick right now is the pits.

Jim

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I have it on my phone. Distressing to build what is left of you life to living something you aren’t happy with. Play the cards dealt…

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@kdo0827

I’ve tried everything! The only calming thing is a fan which I have and a cool washcloth around my neck. Running a fever which is par for the course. I really appreciate your kindness.

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I went to my GP today as I had a feeling something else might be brewing as well. Sure enough I also have an ear infection and upper respiratory infection going on. I have also developed some strange sensations in my arms this afternoon. They almost feel numb in a weird way, goes away and comes back. Mostly left arm. Is this from Lexapro withdrawal?

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Hello @kdo0827

I am so glad that you saw your doctor and uncovered some of these infections. As these are treated, perhaps you will feel better. Regarding the numbness, you should check with the doctor who prescribed the Lexapro and see what she/he has to say about that.

I hope you recover soon from your infections. Keep me posted!

Teresa

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@lovetoall

Dearest Annie, I am so sorry you spend your time in fear. Please make sure you share all of those feelings with your doctor, and make a point of asking him about the meds and their consequences. If you can, you may wish to talk with a psychological counselor other than your physician, in order to get a different perspective and some helpful tips. This is another reason depression is so difficult when it strikes us as Seniors — it is easy for us to believe there will be no end. But do not accept that! If you attend church, spend some time with your pastor and let him help you gain some positive thoughts. If you do not attend church, get a friend or relative to introduce you to a good pastor they know. Find a hobby where you are making or designing something. One thing this will do is perk you up when you have done a good job and you are proud of the outcome. It also keeps your mind occupied and productive. I hope there is someone close to you who can listen to your circumstances and provide support. If not, look for someone — befriend a neighbor, find a group to join, do some pleasing volunteer work if you are able. You need a distraction, so that you will not dwell on your fears. You have taken a good step by writing your thoughts here, and I hope you will continue. Please know that, although we are not acquainted, I care about you. I want you to be content for the rest of your life! God bless you always.

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Good words for Annie. My husb has PPA Alzheimer's. My anxiety etc is because I can't come to terms with the situation. I am attending talk therapy and take drugs daily and bed time. I've done therapy several times during my adult life. I'm hoping I get the results I need this time too. Praying for Annie.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @elwooodsdad — that sounds very hard living with feeling so sad. You have all the right things in place, with a psychiatrist and medication.

You mention going through a major issue right now, and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm wondering if you would share a bit about what it looks like when you have a major episode?

@ladybugmg — with the research you shared on deficiency of acetyl-L-carnitine being associated with a particular subtype of depression, I'm wondering if this research has any particular significance for you personally?

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A major episode seems to suck the life out of me. Winston Churchill referred to his depression as his ‘black dog’. Coincidentally, I lost a 13year old black dog unexpectedly on July 4, which doubtless triggered part of this issue. I tell my wife that it feels like I have had a blanket put over my head. No light, no escape, little will to live, but not enough courage to terminate my being. Being cowardly is a plus and a minus, but in 3-5 days it usually resolves. It has been a month this time, and it has been almost like a relapse, but I am working through what I can. I’m retired, bored, but do some volunteer work in my church and denomination. Perhaps God will intervene, but those interventions come slowly for me. God seems to have a lack of punctuality…and I am weary of living like this, but my options are limited for now.

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@lovetoall

Dearest Annie, I am so sorry you spend your time in fear. Please make sure you share all of those feelings with your doctor, and make a point of asking him about the meds and their consequences. If you can, you may wish to talk with a psychological counselor other than your physician, in order to get a different perspective and some helpful tips. This is another reason depression is so difficult when it strikes us as Seniors — it is easy for us to believe there will be no end. But do not accept that! If you attend church, spend some time with your pastor and let him help you gain some positive thoughts. If you do not attend church, get a friend or relative to introduce you to a good pastor they know. Find a hobby where you are making or designing something. One thing this will do is perk you up when you have done a good job and you are proud of the outcome. It also keeps your mind occupied and productive. I hope there is someone close to you who can listen to your circumstances and provide support. If not, look for someone — befriend a neighbor, find a group to join, do some pleasing volunteer work if you are able. You need a distraction, so that you will not dwell on your fears. You have taken a good step by writing your thoughts here, and I hope you will continue. Please know that, although we are not acquainted, I care about you. I want you to be content for the rest of your life! God bless you always.

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I care about you, too, dianajane! My son's mother-in-law is in a situation like yours, and I am so glad she has sisters and her daughter to support her. Alzheimer's is so difficult for everyone. It sounds as if you have had good therapy results in the past and we shall count on it getting you through. Prayers for you, Annie, and Seeker. You know, there is an old saying that "misery loves company;" I suppose it is because once misery has company, misery becomes more content. When we share, we love; and love gets us through. Jesus loves us.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @elwooodsdad — that sounds very hard living with feeling so sad. You have all the right things in place, with a psychiatrist and medication.

You mention going through a major issue right now, and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm wondering if you would share a bit about what it looks like when you have a major episode?

@ladybugmg — with the research you shared on deficiency of acetyl-L-carnitine being associated with a particular subtype of depression, I'm wondering if this research has any particular significance for you personally?

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Hi, Mr. "elwooodsdad!" Your sweet dog is still with you in spirit, and will never go away, though I know you miss his physical being. I have a pretty beagle named "Amazing Grace" (or Gracie), and she lives up to her name. When her time comes, I will miss her deeply, but I will retain her love. Never, ever consider terminating your own life! You are loved. In your mind, there are thoughts that worry you and belittle yourself. Wash those thoughts away, and leave only the positive ones. You are your own best hero, and I know there are many good things from past years that you can dwell upon. Continue your volunteer work, and know that God is often slow in our eyes, but he works toward mighty goals of which we cannot be aware. Look forward to that wonderful day when His goals for you come to fruition! Until then, do His work and see all of the positive changes you can make in the lives of others! Smile and speak to everyone you meet, and stop along the way to help when you can! Then, SURPRISE!!!…IT WILL BE A BETTER DAY! Love and prayers for you!

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@lisalucier

Hi, @elwooodsdad — that sounds very hard living with feeling so sad. You have all the right things in place, with a psychiatrist and medication.

You mention going through a major issue right now, and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm wondering if you would share a bit about what it looks like when you have a major episode?

@ladybugmg — with the research you shared on deficiency of acetyl-L-carnitine being associated with a particular subtype of depression, I'm wondering if this research has any particular significance for you personally?

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@elwoodsdad, My darkest episodes also always come from major life changes. When I unexpectedly lost my12.5yo black lab, Molly, a cloud descended that didn't lift for months, even with the companionship of my newest rescued dog. I liken my episodes to walking underwater. I cant feel, think, or care about anything. I try to keep as busy as possible but am still bored because nothing seems to matter. Life is full of rote responses and actions. I never get enough sleep. I don't feel hungry. I feel angry with God for letting this depression exist. The only thing that gets me through each episode, no matter how long they are, is to remember I always have before and will again. You will too, keep hold of that.

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@kdo0827

I’m really struggling these past 3 days. I’m being weaned off of Trazadone-cold turkey, tapering off Lexapro and Remeron and then they started me on Cymbalta. I also take Methadone. This is all being done to help me as I finally found a dr who realized I’ve been on a tremendous cocktail of meds. I’m having every withdrawal symptom possible. He called to check on me (on a Saturday) and said I may be experiencing seratonin syndrome and to quit the Lexapro immediately and to give it a few more days. Has anyone else been thru this? It’s unreal. Please pray for me.

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@kdo0827 I cant imagine how you must be feeling. When I was weaned off of Celexa, I had severe panic attacks. Scary stuff. Hope you get through this soon, thinking of you.

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