Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

@nikki1234

People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get over cancer. I don't get happy people.

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Wouldnt that be great if you could just get over it. None of us like the way we are. This time around with my depression, it has been a full year of feeling like hell. I dont know when or if it will end. Iam 72 and treatment resistant. My last depression and anxiety lasted for 2 years.

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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I usually do well in receiving attention when visiting a doctor by bringing two copies of a check list (one I can read aloud and a copy that I present to the doctor.) As we discuss each item I check it off the list, or make a note about what I am told and also ask the doctor to write out his advice. I also request a printout of the visit or so I can go over the recommendations that the doctor puts into the computer. You would be surprised at the respectful attention that I receive from both my primary care doctor and the specialists that I see. In today's medical climate one has to be prepared and proactive!

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@liz223

I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I was different and actually hid out from everyone for hours at a time. I coped as best as I could and didn't really hit the wall until I was in my mid 20s when my 2nd marriage was floundering. I now realize at that time I was judging myself by whatever man was in my life. I was hurt, depressed and angry. I felt I couldn't be happy until a man loved and needed me (only me). That didn't turn out so well and it has taken my whole life to feel free of that need. However, I'm a people pleaser, even though I know this doesn't work either. I am pretty much a loner and some days are up and some down. I am usually the happiest when I have a new project or idea to challenge me. I have never spent real time with a councilor, other than my three week stay in the hospital. I was given insulin shock and hardly remember what we talked about. I only saw him a couple of times after the stay. I didn't know how to trust him either. I look at my depression as a disease like any other and cope as best I can.

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Do you mind if I ask how old you are now? Are you on any meds?. You sound like you are trying hard to cope. Its tricky getting good medical help for these condtions. Unless you have the ability to pay large amounts of money for care, it is like assembly line treatment. You see your regular doctor every 3-4months rather you need it or not. They treat all their patients the same even though we are all different with our symptoms etc. I really miss good medicine. I come from a generation that grew up with good medical care. Our doctors actually knew our names. Not anymore. You are really on your own now. It is quite scary.

Liked by kygirl25

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@mamacita

I have had many days where I wake up and immediately, even before my feet hit the floor, I know that I have a battle to fight. I want to be positive, I want to have a smile on my face for my family. I want to tell the demons to go back to the hell they came from. Many days I am an overcomer. Some days the struggle takes so much out of me that I hug the couch and the tv remote, read my daily devotional, get my Bible close by, and pray that I get at least three verses covered. Even if it takes all day to accomplish it. Depression is a respectable condition. Like Diabetes, Gout, and Eczema. Get some medicine, take it easy, and wait to feel better. Only sometimes, it takes several trials of different medications to achieve anything resembling balance. Then there's this thing called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If we have suffered from depression for decades, changing our thought patterns is not the easiest thing to do. But if we will try to eliminate the negative thought patterns that are so drearily comforting, we just might see a lot more sunshine in our days. "I'm worthless." "I have no special abilities." I'm ugly." " No one ever comes to see me." All of these lies that we tell ourselves need to go straight into the trash can. You are of infinite worth. You have gifts, and lots of them. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. If no one ever comes to see you, then make plans to go see someone in the nursing home who never gets a visitor. Be to others what you wish others would be for you. In the meantime, try to take just one step towards making a positive change that will do you a world of good. It will be so worth it. You've got this.

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It is so easy to tear ourselves down.  Much harder to build ourselves up. But it is possible.  I'm living proof! Blessings and favor to all my brothers and sisters who fight the good fight of faith.  Depression does not have to defeat us.

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@littleonefmohio

@seeker70 I can relate to your depression. I also had it since I was a kid and now a senior. It is mild sometimes but mostly it stand its ugly head out and it keeps me from enjoying most things. I recently told a friend I was depressed again and don't know why. I want to be happy and enjoy life. I want the joy most people feel and live. When I was younger I would work long hours so my mind would stay busy on work instead of depression. Now that I am older I realized I was only hurting my children because I was engulfed in work and too busy to be with them. The guilt and worry that comes along with depression is terrible. Prayers for all of you. I hope we all beat this thing once and for all. Wanda

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I understand completely. Are you on any treatment?

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The area where i live, our office calls are only 15 minutes long. I do have a pyschologist that i see every couple of weeks. That helps. When you are afraid of some new physical symptom that developes it would be nice to be able to see a doctor that is somewhat familiar with your case instead of giving you a appointment with a on call doctor that knows nothing about you. It is scary.

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@nikki1234

People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get over cancer. I don't get happy people.

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@nikki1234

Some folks are just ignorant of the reality of depression and how hard it is to overcome. It can become so habitual that it is hard to break from a depressive cycle.

Teresa

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@liz223

I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I was different and actually hid out from everyone for hours at a time. I coped as best as I could and didn't really hit the wall until I was in my mid 20s when my 2nd marriage was floundering. I now realize at that time I was judging myself by whatever man was in my life. I was hurt, depressed and angry. I felt I couldn't be happy until a man loved and needed me (only me). That didn't turn out so well and it has taken my whole life to feel free of that need. However, I'm a people pleaser, even though I know this doesn't work either. I am pretty much a loner and some days are up and some down. I am usually the happiest when I have a new project or idea to challenge me. I have never spent real time with a councilor, other than my three week stay in the hospital. I was given insulin shock and hardly remember what we talked about. I only saw him a couple of times after the stay. I didn't know how to trust him either. I look at my depression as a disease like any other and cope as best I can.

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If you are refering to ladybugmg, I am 91 years old,had occassional depression when in my 20's due to heavy responsibilites and now and then since my husband died 12 years ago. I am proactive so if I feel sadness coming on I immediately take more time for mindfulness meditation. One thing I have learned is letting go of the past that was hurtful and try to focus on the happy days that I shared with my late husband. I also look for news on the internet about people doing good things for each other, even strangers to them. I also do research on the internet about the latest research about the brain and because of imaging they are coming close to solving the mystery about anxiety and depression.

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@liz223

I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I was different and actually hid out from everyone for hours at a time. I coped as best as I could and didn't really hit the wall until I was in my mid 20s when my 2nd marriage was floundering. I now realize at that time I was judging myself by whatever man was in my life. I was hurt, depressed and angry. I felt I couldn't be happy until a man loved and needed me (only me). That didn't turn out so well and it has taken my whole life to feel free of that need. However, I'm a people pleaser, even though I know this doesn't work either. I am pretty much a loner and some days are up and some down. I am usually the happiest when I have a new project or idea to challenge me. I have never spent real time with a councilor, other than my three week stay in the hospital. I was given insulin shock and hardly remember what we talked about. I only saw him a couple of times after the stay. I didn't know how to trust him either. I look at my depression as a disease like any other and cope as best I can.

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You are a amazing lady. I

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@liz223

I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I was different and actually hid out from everyone for hours at a time. I coped as best as I could and didn't really hit the wall until I was in my mid 20s when my 2nd marriage was floundering. I now realize at that time I was judging myself by whatever man was in my life. I was hurt, depressed and angry. I felt I couldn't be happy until a man loved and needed me (only me). That didn't turn out so well and it has taken my whole life to feel free of that need. However, I'm a people pleaser, even though I know this doesn't work either. I am pretty much a loner and some days are up and some down. I am usually the happiest when I have a new project or idea to challenge me. I have never spent real time with a councilor, other than my three week stay in the hospital. I was given insulin shock and hardly remember what we talked about. I only saw him a couple of times after the stay. I didn't know how to trust him either. I look at my depression as a disease like any other and cope as best I can.

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Thank you!

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As liz223 said, I now know that my anxiety began as an early teen due to a poor self image. I don't think anyone who knew me would have ever guessed that was the case either then or as I got older. I put on a mask of superiority and arrogance which made me a less than wonderful person to be around – I think I made a lot of effort to make others feel what I felt inside – what a jackass. Getting chronically ill gave me lots of time for introspection and then my anxiety became depression because of the hurt that I was certain I had left in my wake. My family stuck with me and have been great support and I have made some pretty amazing strides in my head – no arrogance about that, just very grateful that I have learned that being vulnerable, compassionate, and empathetic is a far better way to go through life. I am impressed by everyone who opens up about their depression because it is not viewed in the same light as other diseases, but we all can help people understand that and we will have done just a bit to make it easier for the next folks who fall prey to this nasty condition!
Thanks for all your ideas and suggestions, Gary

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@nikki1234

People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get over cancer. I don't get happy people.

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@anniegk — I am really sorry to hear this year has felt like hell, with no end in sight. I, too, hope answers can be found in some of these studies on anxiety and depression.

With you, @anniegk.

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@littleonefmohio

@seeker70 I can relate to your depression. I also had it since I was a kid and now a senior. It is mild sometimes but mostly it stand its ugly head out and it keeps me from enjoying most things. I recently told a friend I was depressed again and don't know why. I want to be happy and enjoy life. I want the joy most people feel and live. When I was younger I would work long hours so my mind would stay busy on work instead of depression. Now that I am older I realized I was only hurting my children because I was engulfed in work and too busy to be with them. The guilt and worry that comes along with depression is terrible. Prayers for all of you. I hope we all beat this thing once and for all. Wanda

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Iam on several medications. Mirtazapine, seroquel, buspirone and propanolol. The propanolol is for a irregular heartbeat that i have had since i was in my twenties. It has become worse the last couple of years. That in its self causes Anxiety.

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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Anyone receiving "special" attention must have made large donations, hold a high place in society, have lawyers/politicians in the family and in today's medical climate one better be prepared to prepay or not see a doctor. Or maybe there are some doctors that still own their own practice and can make their own rules. Walk into to a doctor well-prepared the info does not even get past the nurse or even on the laptop. My chart is still a mess. Full of medications I do not even take/a diagnosis that is not mine…things do not get transcribed or incorrectly.
Only way most folks get respect is if there is something in it for the other person. Money talks in most circles. Doctors in private practice can pick and choose.
From the society I live in…the world where the only thing that is seen on the chart is depression.
The world I live in people are disposable and even those that do not have depression. Money is all that matters.

Liked by kygirl25

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Hi, I have found this thread helpful. This morning I read an article in the WSJ about genetics and discovering the best antidepressant. Here is a link to the article (or you can Google it to be safe — I never recommend clicking on a hyperlink — A Genetic Test Could Help Predict the Right Antidepressant For You): https://www.wsj.com/articles/which-anti-depressant-is-right-for-you-your-dna-can-shed-some-light-1525622524

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