Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

@johnsonk

@parus While Im not all that old, I feel old and useless. Long distance significant other that doesn't need me, no children, feel unwanted and useless at work, cant care about anything long enough to have a real hobby, family lives 5 hrs away, number of true friends countable on one hand, etc. Talk therapy doesn't work anymore. Really the only thing that keeps me going is my dog and a couple of friends. I know how you feel…

Jump to this post

@gailb You make some good points about sharing our pain with others. We are all wired differently and for some of us "baring our souls" can seem like a frightful experience (although it is cathartic and leads to healing).

For many, this Connect group offers anonymity. We can be open and share. It allows us to "test the waters" of being vulnerable and see what happens. I'm just wondering how many people share here on Connect for that very reason.

Teresa

REPLY
@johnsonk

@parus While Im not all that old, I feel old and useless. Long distance significant other that doesn't need me, no children, feel unwanted and useless at work, cant care about anything long enough to have a real hobby, family lives 5 hrs away, number of true friends countable on one hand, etc. Talk therapy doesn't work anymore. Really the only thing that keeps me going is my dog and a couple of friends. I know how you feel…

Jump to this post

@gailb I learned the hard way to not others know how I feel. I received the negative feedback and asking for help long ago pretty much destroyed my life. So much of the truth I did not know and no family wants or need to know. I tried to explain the fibromyalgia thing and was accused of making excuses, feeling sorry for myself, etc-no way will I mention depression nor any thing other than the Elizabeth Barrett Browning Tra-la-la attitude. I am not one to go places with a sad hound dog look. I put on a happy face as I don't want anyone else knowing the darkness within. As to family-there is nothing any family member can do and I am NOT my family's responsibility. I spend time with the grand children when I can or when needed to hold the fort and I enjoy doing so.
I read your words and I do take happiness where I go. No one else can make me happy. Happiness comes from within. As to being vulnerable? No more. When I do things for others I am NOT looking for rewards. I have learned I have to use caution because I was being too vulnerable and others used me. Took me a long time to realize that people pleasing is an emotional death sentence.
Even the therapist was out of suggestions-I even failed at therapy. Doesn't get much worse.
When others see the real person they think they seeing they start asking me to do art work for them because I am a friend. I do live surrounded my neighbors that will be users. Got tired of the materialistic needs of others-I did not take them to raise!!
Dismounting soapbox. Most of the time being a recluse is far safer. I do this by choice. When it comes to my adult children I will help if they need it. I am thankful they are all doing well enough. they also grew up in abuse and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

REPLY
@donny67

How old are you that you say your old ?

Jump to this post

77

REPLY
@donny67

YOU ARE NOT ALONE ! HAVE YOU TRIED EXERSISE ? JUST A SIMPLE 10 MIN WALK CAN HELP !

Jump to this post

I'm trying to do tat walk every day, but I make excuses and don't do it.

REPLY
@parus

Long term depression is nothing more than a death sentence. The constant battle is never ending. There are no solutions for some. Reality is all there is for some. DNA cannot be a battle that can be won for some. we all do the best we know how. There is no denying genetics.

Jump to this post

That's part of my plan that I never do—-a walk, view 3 funny Utubes, meditate.

REPLY
@johnsonk

@parus While Im not all that old, I feel old and useless. Long distance significant other that doesn't need me, no children, feel unwanted and useless at work, cant care about anything long enough to have a real hobby, family lives 5 hrs away, number of true friends countable on one hand, etc. Talk therapy doesn't work anymore. Really the only thing that keeps me going is my dog and a couple of friends. I know how you feel…

Jump to this post

@parus First, let me apologize for the tone of my last post to you. I had edited it, but that version was apparently lost and didn't get posted. This version was abrupt and preachy, for that I apologize.

I'm sorry to read that you have been through the suggestions I made and found nothing that helped you. I feel for where you are and what your life must feel like at times. I'm also sorry you and your children have experienced abuse in your lives. I'm happy you have the Mayo Connect online where you can express the dark feelings with which you struggle. I've seen your posts on the Chronic Pain thread, so I'm sure pain adds to your depression and depression adds to your pain. I don't know where you live, but I read a research study today that showed the use of a small amount of opioid with the addition of a small amount of Marijuana was very effective at reducing chronic pain. The combination of small doses of each was far more effective than either alone. Perhaps this will be helpful in your search for relief from both depression and pain. It may be worth checking out, and might be an alternative your doctor would consider.

I also want to recommend a book I read several years ago. It was recommended to me and I found it insightful. It is, Age-ing to Sage-ing : A Revolutionary Approach to Growing Older, by Zalman Schachter-Shalomi. It's available on Amazon and is available as an E – book that can be downloaded to a Kindle type reader. It expanded my vision of growing older. In fact, I just ordered it again as an E-book since I have lost track of the hardcover book. I will search for a link to the research study I just referenced as well.

Thanks,
Gail,
Volunteer Mentor

REPLY
@johnsonk

@parus While Im not all that old, I feel old and useless. Long distance significant other that doesn't need me, no children, feel unwanted and useless at work, cant care about anything long enough to have a real hobby, family lives 5 hrs away, number of true friends countable on one hand, etc. Talk therapy doesn't work anymore. Really the only thing that keeps me going is my dog and a couple of friends. I know how you feel…

Jump to this post

@hopeful33250 Thank you for your comments and insight into sharing anonymously on Connect. Of course you are correct. This is a safe and supportive place for people to express what's going on with them. I have apologized for my rather abrupt response to Parus. I had edited the version that got published, but apparently it was lost. I appreciate your support for members.

Gail,
Volunteer Mentor

REPLY
@johnsonk

@parus While Im not all that old, I feel old and useless. Long distance significant other that doesn't need me, no children, feel unwanted and useless at work, cant care about anything long enough to have a real hobby, family lives 5 hrs away, number of true friends countable on one hand, etc. Talk therapy doesn't work anymore. Really the only thing that keeps me going is my dog and a couple of friends. I know how you feel…

Jump to this post

@gailb Hi Gail,

I am sure that your first post was meant to offer some new thoughts and encouragement. For some, however, it is difficult (and undoubtedly seems impossible) to make that kind of change in thinking. I know that your motives were good and you were trying to be helpful! You are definitely an encourager.

Teresa

REPLY
@johnsonk

@parus While Im not all that old, I feel old and useless. Long distance significant other that doesn't need me, no children, feel unwanted and useless at work, cant care about anything long enough to have a real hobby, family lives 5 hrs away, number of true friends countable on one hand, etc. Talk therapy doesn't work anymore. Really the only thing that keeps me going is my dog and a couple of friends. I know how you feel…

Jump to this post

Age-ing and Sage-ing is a wonderful book. I used it years ago to help me through a trying period in my life.

REPLY
@johnsonk

@parus While Im not all that old, I feel old and useless. Long distance significant other that doesn't need me, no children, feel unwanted and useless at work, cant care about anything long enough to have a real hobby, family lives 5 hrs away, number of true friends countable on one hand, etc. Talk therapy doesn't work anymore. Really the only thing that keeps me going is my dog and a couple of friends. I know how you feel…

Jump to this post

@gailb Appreciate you apologizing and yes, it did sound preachy. I think I handled the "preachy" version well. Mayhap because I have been preached at so much I no longer get all riled about it. You were speaking what you believe and this is okay. We do not know what others have experienced and how our words may affect another.
I will admit that suggesting a self-help book did raise my BP. I have heard others suggesting these types of books and I want to allow my tongue that can be like a letter opener (and no profanity) to start waging. Again, we are not wired the same. I may work on writing a self help book of my own… :). For a long time now I have heard other oldies speaking of a senior moment whereas I say I am having a "sage" moment so when I read age-ing to sage-ing I did get a laugh so it was worth the mention of the book (won't do Amazon and have no kindle [?]) LHM, I am deprived!!!
This is why I would never volunteer to mentor-narian, not me!!! I am a coward and use an alias and this is done so for a valid reason. I do not like being anonymous and I am not ashamed of my identity or wanting to be someone I am not…I do enjoy this community and thankful I gave it a try. I perused many and stayed here. It is designed well and a well designed operated community which shows the staff, etc. work together-this I like and admire.
I assure you I did not take it personally and believe your intent was one of being helpful and likely helped another if I came across as reprimanding or critical I apologize as well.
Shalome

REPLY
@parus

@lisalucier I would be honored to do so. Where is the best place to do this? I know if it were not for doing art work I would surely stay at the bottom of the vortex. My profile picture is one of my most recent. The weather was bitterly cold and being one who loves nature and the creatures dwelling herein I derive a sense of rest with putting how I feel into pictures. I will post this one in its proper format. It started out as a newborn foal alone on a cold day. I finished it w/o snow as it was only cold. When I finished the painting I looked outside to see horizontal snow. I then added the blowing snow to the painting I thought I had finished. Attached is the before the snow version and then when the snow came. Thus the 1st now only exists as a copy. I like this concept. If it helps another then I have succeeded in some way. Here goes…

Jump to this post

@vdandy — I really like your idea about the Expressive Arts and was thinking of you and this concept today. Wondering what kinds of visual art and writing you are doing these days?

REPLY
@parus

Long term depression is nothing more than a death sentence. The constant battle is never ending. There are no solutions for some. Reality is all there is for some. DNA cannot be a battle that can be won for some. we all do the best we know how. There is no denying genetics.

Jump to this post

Hi, @johnsonk — that is truly hard to feel like depression is never-ending and being terrified of years of the battle ahead.

Wondering how it's going the last couple of days?

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.