Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

@jimhd

@seeker70 – I totally connect with what you say, and I know it would be helpful to me to enter a conversation with you. Trouble is, I’m part way through a cold, and I’m just not up to writing or thinking. Give me a couple of days and I’ll try to remember to join in. I’ve been going through a month or so of increased depression, and being sick right now is the pits.

Jim

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Soul sisters!  Iron sharpens iron.  And we are better together!

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@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the “D” word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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Thoughtful insight! I am concentrating using the "one thing at a time" and it was very helpful in taking away that overwhelmed feelings of having too much to contend with this morning.

I am also experimenting with, instead of making of list, I am using the backs of my old business/professional cards to write down items that I must do or make decisions about. I accomplished quite a few of them this morning and throwing away the completed card gave me a good feeling. I wonder if anyone else has tried that method of throwing away a completed action instead of crossing the item off on the list?

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@roochie

Were we separated at birth? Your journey is exactly as mine. I experienced a traumatic event when I was 9 years old and have suffered from low-level depression since then with periods of major depressive disorder. I am also now a senior and I'm experiencing the same feelings as you: not looking forward to anything; feeling blah; crying a lot; having anxiety; and the unrelenting fatigue. I wasn't diagnosed until I was forty. I've been on medication since then, but after a while it didn't work anymore and I had to change meds. Recently a psychiatrist gave me samples of a medication to supplement my regular antidepressants. It is named Vraylar and it worked beautifully; I hadn't felt this good in years. However, my insurance would only pay for it for six months. The cost out of my pocket would have been $1300/month after that 6 month period. Now I'm back to where I started. And talk therapy doesn't help at all. This is a brain condition and no amount of talk therapy will change that. It's biological, folks.

You didn't mention what medication you've taken.

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Cymbalta daily, low dose Xanax as needed, no more than once daily.  Magnesium, multiple vitamin and minerals tablet Mindfulness, prayer, meditation.  Church fellowship.  Keeping up friendships with supportive family and friends  Reading, when I can finally sit down and focus.  Listening to positive music.  Getting my feet dirty in the yard once a day.  Knowing I am not alone.

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@jimhd

@seeker70 – I totally connect with what you say, and I know it would be helpful to me to enter a conversation with you. Trouble is, I’m part way through a cold, and I’m just not up to writing or thinking. Give me a couple of days and I’ll try to remember to join in. I’ve been going through a month or so of increased depression, and being sick right now is the pits.

Jim

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Try giving yourself permission to feel sad for a certain amount of time.  Really feel what you feel.  Then, if you need more time, repeat as needed.  Don't let yourself drown my n your sorrow.  We are here for you.  There is hope.

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@roochie

Were we separated at birth? Your journey is exactly as mine. I experienced a traumatic event when I was 9 years old and have suffered from low-level depression since then with periods of major depressive disorder. I am also now a senior and I'm experiencing the same feelings as you: not looking forward to anything; feeling blah; crying a lot; having anxiety; and the unrelenting fatigue. I wasn't diagnosed until I was forty. I've been on medication since then, but after a while it didn't work anymore and I had to change meds. Recently a psychiatrist gave me samples of a medication to supplement my regular antidepressants. It is named Vraylar and it worked beautifully; I hadn't felt this good in years. However, my insurance would only pay for it for six months. The cost out of my pocket would have been $1300/month after that 6 month period. Now I'm back to where I started. And talk therapy doesn't help at all. This is a brain condition and no amount of talk therapy will change that. It's biological, folks.

You didn't mention what medication you've taken.

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Hello @roochie. I understand and agree with your point about talk therapy and it's benefits if one has a chemical imbalance in their brain chemistry. I do think it can be beneficial in combination with medication by helping me, at least, understand where my anxiety comes from and how if I entertain negative thoughts borne of anxiety, it is going to turn into a depressive event. As @mamasitalucita said, mindfulness has really helped me realize when I am seeing bad things happening that are unrealistic and highly unlikely. The realization is usually enough to get my thoughts reordered to not entertain the barrage that one negative thought can become.

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@anniegk

I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and in the past was given medication and i pulled out of it. Not anymore. Iam now 72 years old and have not been able to pull out of this depression/anxiety. This depression has been going on for 1 1/2 years. Iam so sick of the anxiety and depression. I also have a heartbeat irregularity that really makes me nervous and anxious. It is also getting worse with age. I have also developed cramping and weakness in my lower legs I go to a doctor and they pour tons of pills on me and PHYSICALLY I feel worse than before. I worry I am having a heart attack. I fear that i will have to be hospitalized for my heart and that they will take me off all my meds cold turkey and that it will cause withdrawals which could also kill me. I have been on 250 mg er Seroquel 1 time a day and Buspar 10 mg 2x a day for over a year and Remeron for 10 years at varous doses. I also take BP Meds Lisinopril and a waterpill and Propanolol. I try to tell my husband about my fears and how i feel but after all these years, he is tired of listening to me. I just feel alone and like Iam circuling the drain. You are not alone. I just want to feel relaxed and tranquil and enjoy .whats left of my life. It is hard to get good mental care in our area. Iam going to my physician. and he sees me every 3 months. I dont feel any support from him. I do have a physchologist i see but i have problems with all the mindfullness, CBT and relaxation etc. In short, iam a mess.

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She is beautiful. I had a dog that looked like her when i was a kid. Is she a boarder Collie?

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@anniegk

I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and in the past was given medication and i pulled out of it. Not anymore. Iam now 72 years old and have not been able to pull out of this depression/anxiety. This depression has been going on for 1 1/2 years. Iam so sick of the anxiety and depression. I also have a heartbeat irregularity that really makes me nervous and anxious. It is also getting worse with age. I have also developed cramping and weakness in my lower legs I go to a doctor and they pour tons of pills on me and PHYSICALLY I feel worse than before. I worry I am having a heart attack. I fear that i will have to be hospitalized for my heart and that they will take me off all my meds cold turkey and that it will cause withdrawals which could also kill me. I have been on 250 mg er Seroquel 1 time a day and Buspar 10 mg 2x a day for over a year and Remeron for 10 years at varous doses. I also take BP Meds Lisinopril and a waterpill and Propanolol. I try to tell my husband about my fears and how i feel but after all these years, he is tired of listening to me. I just feel alone and like Iam circuling the drain. You are not alone. I just want to feel relaxed and tranquil and enjoy .whats left of my life. It is hard to get good mental care in our area. Iam going to my physician. and he sees me every 3 months. I dont feel any support from him. I do have a physchologist i see but i have problems with all the mindfullness, CBT and relaxation etc. In short, iam a mess.

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This was my beautiful Toby. A 95 lb Giant Schnauzer. He was only 2 years old.

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@gailb

@angiegk, I hear your pain, and encourage you to search for an antidepressant that will work for you. I am taking Citalopram, which has been remarkably successful for my depression. I must go to a previous appointment, but I will check in with you more later. There is testing that can be done to determine what drugs and antidepressants will work for you. Medicare will pay for the tests. More later . . .

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

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To Posters gailb and angiegk: I'm about to accept a referral to Psychiatry for resumption of psycotropic medication having been on Prozac and Wellbutrin for decades and discontinued them last year. WHAT IS THE PROPER NAME OF THE TEST TO DETERMINE WHAT ANTIDEPRESSANTS WILL WORK BEST FOR A PERSON. I don't want to waste time on "just trying out" a drug to see if it helps (I'm 78 years old and my time is short and precious). Thanking you for any help………….Jeanne.

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could you depression be a mask partly for anger? Is there someone that deeply gets you angry? Try gently saying "Ouch that hurt" if someone offends you. You will get a response and you will feel better….pray…count your blessings…read happy books…or spy novel so intense you can not think anything else…try Daniel Silva…get hooked on a good book…drink hot tea…walk…rock…good luck and God Bless YOU whereever you are…

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@anniegk

I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and in the past was given medication and i pulled out of it. Not anymore. Iam now 72 years old and have not been able to pull out of this depression/anxiety. This depression has been going on for 1 1/2 years. Iam so sick of the anxiety and depression. I also have a heartbeat irregularity that really makes me nervous and anxious. It is also getting worse with age. I have also developed cramping and weakness in my lower legs I go to a doctor and they pour tons of pills on me and PHYSICALLY I feel worse than before. I worry I am having a heart attack. I fear that i will have to be hospitalized for my heart and that they will take me off all my meds cold turkey and that it will cause withdrawals which could also kill me. I have been on 250 mg er Seroquel 1 time a day and Buspar 10 mg 2x a day for over a year and Remeron for 10 years at varous doses. I also take BP Meds Lisinopril and a waterpill and Propanolol. I try to tell my husband about my fears and how i feel but after all these years, he is tired of listening to me. I just feel alone and like Iam circuling the drain. You are not alone. I just want to feel relaxed and tranquil and enjoy .whats left of my life. It is hard to get good mental care in our area. Iam going to my physician. and he sees me every 3 months. I dont feel any support from him. I do have a physchologist i see but i have problems with all the mindfullness, CBT and relaxation etc. In short, iam a mess.

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Sadie is a rescue, but she looks like the model for McNabb on Google.

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@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I’ve read the sharing between you and others in our group. I’ve been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn’t understand. Of all the lessons that I’ve learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I’ve learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

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@choppy — wanted to see how things are going for you?

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@lizziemae

could you depression be a mask partly for anger? Is there someone that deeply gets you angry? Try gently saying "Ouch that hurt" if someone offends you. You will get a response and you will feel better….pray…count your blessings…read happy books…or spy novel so intense you can not think anything else…try Daniel Silva…get hooked on a good book…drink hot tea…walk…rock…good luck and God Bless YOU whereever you are…

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@lizziemae — thanks for the suggestions for day-to-day coping with depression. These sounds like great suggestions for self-care, which is so important with this diagnosis.

I also like the "ouch, that hurt" suggestion. I have found this effective, as it doesn't really put the other person in a defensive posture, yet they seem to quickly realize they've caused hurt.

@lizziemae — if you feel comfortable sharing, do you have a diagnosis of depression?

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