Just Need a Little Support

Posted by artgirl2 @artgirl2, May 5, 2022

Hello. I just need a little support today. I attended a baby shower for my niece on Sunday. Unfortunately, I am still recovering. My family of origin labeled me the black sheep of the family. I was shunned by an entire family of siblings. I could not wait to get out of there. I kept trying to stay focussed on my pregnant niece, but I couldn't manage very well. I don't want to go to these kinds of things anymore. I am too old 68. I keep trying to get them to care about me. When will I learn that that will never happen? Just need a little support today.

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Hello @artgirl2, When I am feeling down and in need a little support or help, I have a couple of "go to's". One is music and the other is exercise. I just turned 79 and still don't know where the years went. One resource that I have found that helps put me in a better frame of mind is the Resilient Option website – https://www.resilientoption.com/. They have some short videos that are great for helping you understand some of the reasons you think how you think and what you can do to help yourself. Here's a link to the videos – https://www.resilientoption.com/resources#video-section-new

I also like music – do you remember this one? – https://youtu.be/75Oct1Qv8x0

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@johnbishop

Hello @artgirl2, When I am feeling down and in need a little support or help, I have a couple of "go to's". One is music and the other is exercise. I just turned 79 and still don't know where the years went. One resource that I have found that helps put me in a better frame of mind is the Resilient Option website – https://www.resilientoption.com/. They have some short videos that are great for helping you understand some of the reasons you think how you think and what you can do to help yourself. Here's a link to the videos – https://www.resilientoption.com/resources#video-section-new

I also like music – do you remember this one? – https://youtu.be/75Oct1Qv8x0

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Oh good thoughts this morning and very good resources. Thank you!

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Ah, family dynamics…aren’t they just mind boggling? Well, you’re not alone in being the black sheep of the family, m’dear. As a fellow ‘baa baa black sheep…” there’s not a lot you can do to bring your family around to the dark side. ☺️
What’s the old axiom…you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your relatives.

If these invitations are painful, then diplomatically decline. It’s very liberating. I learned the art of that years ago and never looked back. Having traveled through my cancer journey, I also realized life is too short to be cluttered with old baggage filled with negativity.

So, now focus on my immediate family and the tight, but small fist of friends I care deeply about and I keep busy with activities that keep me uplifted and fulfilled. If I get an invitation to a shower, wedding, etc., that fills me with dread, I respectfully decline and send a gift or card. Sometimes, for the heck of it, some distant relative gets a little surprise in the mail of a gift or a card, something I’ve painted or sewn, just to let them know maybe all the stories about crazy Great Aunt Lori are unfounded. 😂

Like @johnbishop suggested, we need to be resilient in our lives and our relationships. But I still add that we can also distance ourselves from toxic situations with out fear of guilt. I realize this sounds blissfully selfish but we have to give ourselves permission sometimes to say no!

My other focus is on the new family members I’ve found in our Connect forum. It’s the kitchen table I remember from my childhood. My mom, neighbor ladies and my grandma would chat endlessly! It was the best experience! That’s the feeling I have here where we are free to talk openly. We can offer encouragement or sage advice from our many years on the planet, we can ask for help and sometimes we just need someone to listen and have empathy or wipe a runny nose. ☺️

With an @name of @artgirl2, what is your creative outlet?

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I’m 67 and I, too, am black sheep of family and with bipolar diagnosis. Have come to terms within myself that if I’m not up to it or uncomfortable about a family event I do not go but send a gift. But I do something I enjoy or help me feel better like a walk or going to botanical garden or museum. It keeps me busy and see something beautiful.

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