Incredibly lonely, shutting down: Suffering with Anhedonia

Posted by januaryjane @januaryjane, Jun 5 11:37pm

Im dealing with a lot, my body is wearing me down. Im not sure if its self-numbing, but i feel like im shutting down. Emotions, interests, pleasure. Im exhausted, heartbroken and lonely. I dont have answers although its been so long. I just want to quit fighting this battle with my body I cant figure out. Stay home, quit seeking medical advice. Whats the point?

@januaryjane,
I'm Gail and I'm a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. Please don't give up! There are many here who will reach out to you. First, please let me know that you won't do anything to harm yourself. Please commit that you won't do that.

– Can you tell me more about your situation?
– You say you're lonely; do you have family or friends to whom you can talk? If not,
we're here for listening and communicating.
– What are you experiencing in your body that are problems?
– Have you seen physicians about treating your problems?
– Are you taking medications, and if so, what are you taking?
– What made you reach out to Mayo Connect?

I'm not a medical professional, but through my experience, and that of others on Mayo Connect, we may be able to help you find what you need. We have had many experiences and may have even been where you are now in the past.

Thank you for reaching out. Please know that you are loved.

REPLY

Lack of pleasure. Ive been struggling a lot with this lately. Its such an odd state, Im not super sad all the time, but its like all pleasure sensors have burned out. Anyone experience this? I have long term depression, on meds and in therapy. Think im trying to find hope battling my body.

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@januaryjane

Lack of pleasure. Ive been struggling a lot with this lately. Its such an odd state, Im not super sad all the time, but its like all pleasure sensors have burned out. Anyone experience this? I have long term depression, on meds and in therapy. Think im trying to find hope battling my body.

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Hi @januaryjane, I see that you posted a few times last night about your lack of feeling pleasure that the "pleasure sensors have burned out." I merged your new discussion about anhedonia to this one that you also started and feeling lonely and shutting down.

What is the day looking like for you this morning? @gailb and I will be watching for your reply.

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Let us know what we can do for you. Good advice, compassion and love runs rampant on this site. We’ve all been in bad places just like you.

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Hi, @januaryjane . Anhedonia is one of the pieces of depression that I have been experiencing since I fell apart 16 years ago. I had always found pleasure in life, in many things. But pleasure seemed to have evaporated. Along with other things, of course.

In my pre-depression life I might have said something like, "things will get better", or some other platitude. The thoughtless, lack of understanding list of unhelpful things that are said to hurting people is pretty long. I've heard my share of them.

As others have said, you have found a safe place here, full of people like us, who need a listening ear without being judged, who need caring support without the platitudes and empty words.

I've been seeing therapists for 14 years now, and have been taking antidepressants, and all of it has mostly stabilized me. Because of the nature of depression, anxiety, PTSD and other illnesses, if we're willing to hear the truth and to accept the truth, depression and all its cousins will quite possibly be with us for the rest of our lives. I know that a lot of people won't agree with that, but it's been a help for me to become ok with that and to figure out how I will make adjustments to be in control of the person I am.

I know from a very long experience what a challenge it can be to find the right combination of medications that will even out the lows enough to keep me going.

Please just know that a great group of ordinary people will be here for you, to listen and give you their caring support. Me included.

Jim

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@jimhd

Hi, @januaryjane . Anhedonia is one of the pieces of depression that I have been experiencing since I fell apart 16 years ago. I had always found pleasure in life, in many things. But pleasure seemed to have evaporated. Along with other things, of course.

In my pre-depression life I might have said something like, "things will get better", or some other platitude. The thoughtless, lack of understanding list of unhelpful things that are said to hurting people is pretty long. I've heard my share of them.

As others have said, you have found a safe place here, full of people like us, who need a listening ear without being judged, who need caring support without the platitudes and empty words.

I've been seeing therapists for 14 years now, and have been taking antidepressants, and all of it has mostly stabilized me. Because of the nature of depression, anxiety, PTSD and other illnesses, if we're willing to hear the truth and to accept the truth, depression and all its cousins will quite possibly be with us for the rest of our lives. I know that a lot of people won't agree with that, but it's been a help for me to become ok with that and to figure out how I will make adjustments to be in control of the person I am.

I know from a very long experience what a challenge it can be to find the right combination of medications that will even out the lows enough to keep me going.

Please just know that a great group of ordinary people will be here for you, to listen and give you their caring support. Me included.

Jim

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@januaryjane

I was thinking about you, wondering how your weekend is going.

I've been seeing therapists since 2006, and each one has moved away after a year. So, with a couple of gaps when there was no one to see who would accept Medicare, I think I'm now on #13. And he's old enough to retire if he chose to. Each one of them has helped me keep going. After 18 months without therapy, I told one of them that he had saved my life. I was falling apart and wanting to exit, but after the first session I knew that here was a therapist who heard me and cared about me. It was a difficult time when he left with only two weeks notice.

Has your doctor or therapist talked with you lately about changing your medication? A couple of years ago I was feeling myself going down, and I met with the psychiatrist and he added a medication that would enhance the antidepressant I was taking, and it has helped. It's amazing how much the right medication can help, isn't it?

Feel free to write again. I will be looking for you.

Jim

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@januaryjane How are you doing? I haven't seen a response from you to the questions I asked. If you don't want to answer my questions that's fine, however please update me on how you're feeling. I do know that medication can rob us of feeling pleasure, including sexual pleasure. Depression can do that as well. One thing I did to begin feeling again was to volunteer for various activities. This reminded me of pleasurable feelings of compassion for others and awakened my general feelings of goodwill.

I have found it difficult to feel good during this Pandemic and Black Lives Matter movement. I can't help out in either case and I would normally be very active in protests for things I believe strongly about. The amount of change we're experiencing can be destabilizing. The loss of balance as previous beliefs are challenged, and as we let go of old ways of thinking and acting can feel as if we are without our anchors in life. Added to the societal challenges, having physical and mental health issues can bring us down further.

I hope to hear from you today. Virtual hugs for you.

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Hi guys, sorry I havent been back for awhile. I really appreciate your replies and im going to get back to you soon. I am a little better, nights are usually tougher. Im so glad to see your responses because tonight has been choppy. They made me feel good. Physically i am safe. Thank you.

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@januaryjane

Hi guys, sorry I havent been back for awhile. I really appreciate your replies and im going to get back to you soon. I am a little better, nights are usually tougher. Im so glad to see your responses because tonight has been choppy. They made me feel good. Physically i am safe. Thank you.

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@januaryjane How are you this morning?
Ginger

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@januaryjane

Lack of pleasure. Ive been struggling a lot with this lately. Its such an odd state, Im not super sad all the time, but its like all pleasure sensors have burned out. Anyone experience this? I have long term depression, on meds and in therapy. Think im trying to find hope battling my body.

Jump to this post

Can so relate to the difficulties in feeling pleasure in anything but didn't know there's a term for it. The norm for me is every day I wake up with depression an all too familiar feeling or lack of feeling. The meds route didn't work so now classified as medication resistant. Go to therapy as needed but reality as/if I can afford it. Feel so lost and see no options for peace and more clarity…ugh. Your sharing lets me know I'm not alone.

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@marjou

Can so relate to the difficulties in feeling pleasure in anything but didn't know there's a term for it. The norm for me is every day I wake up with depression an all too familiar feeling or lack of feeling. The meds route didn't work so now classified as medication resistant. Go to therapy as needed but reality as/if I can afford it. Feel so lost and see no options for peace and more clarity…ugh. Your sharing lets me know I'm not alone.

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Im so sorry you are going to through the same. Ive been on and off pills for 22 years. Ive been on most of them and consider myself resistant, though I stay on them to function. They do help but tend to wear out quickly. Im glad to hear youve been in therapy, but you have to find a good fit. The cost is outrageous, I commend you for trying what you have. None of it is easy. Have you tried Emdr or Dbt therapy? You are not alone. Stay kind to yourself.

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@gingerw

@januaryjane How are you this morning?
Ginger

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Today was a better day, though im wore out from insomnia and stress. Im worried about my upcoming rheumatologist appointment, over a week away. Im so drained, not in good shape physically or mentally. Part of me wants to reschedule, but i may not get another appointment this year. Im scared it wont go as well and the trip will wear me out further.

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@jimhd

Hi, @januaryjane . Anhedonia is one of the pieces of depression that I have been experiencing since I fell apart 16 years ago. I had always found pleasure in life, in many things. But pleasure seemed to have evaporated. Along with other things, of course.

In my pre-depression life I might have said something like, "things will get better", or some other platitude. The thoughtless, lack of understanding list of unhelpful things that are said to hurting people is pretty long. I've heard my share of them.

As others have said, you have found a safe place here, full of people like us, who need a listening ear without being judged, who need caring support without the platitudes and empty words.

I've been seeing therapists for 14 years now, and have been taking antidepressants, and all of it has mostly stabilized me. Because of the nature of depression, anxiety, PTSD and other illnesses, if we're willing to hear the truth and to accept the truth, depression and all its cousins will quite possibly be with us for the rest of our lives. I know that a lot of people won't agree with that, but it's been a help for me to become ok with that and to figure out how I will make adjustments to be in control of the person I am.

I know from a very long experience what a challenge it can be to find the right combination of medications that will even out the lows enough to keep me going.

Please just know that a great group of ordinary people will be here for you, to listen and give you their caring support. Me included.

Jim

Jump to this post

I have ptsd too, mine is more c-ptsd. Oh yes, finding a good therapist…ive been through my fair share. Im so sorry yours skipped out on you like that. I had a similar thing happen to me, we were scheduling for next appointments and said she wouldnt be here the week after next….she was moving. I had been seeing her 10 months, she or no one in that office said scruff to me. I have been working with my psychiatrist…have made changes, which i hate, but with this issue, im wondering if the meds hurt more than help. At least with my situation. I have a motility disorder so i have to be careful.

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@gailb

@januaryjane,
I'm Gail and I'm a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. Please don't give up! There are many here who will reach out to you. First, please let me know that you won't do anything to harm yourself. Please commit that you won't do that.

– Can you tell me more about your situation?
– You say you're lonely; do you have family or friends to whom you can talk? If not,
we're here for listening and communicating.
– What are you experiencing in your body that are problems?
– Have you seen physicians about treating your problems?
– Are you taking medications, and if so, what are you taking?
– What made you reach out to Mayo Connect?

I'm not a medical professional, but through my experience, and that of others on Mayo Connect, we may be able to help you find what you need. We have had many experiences and may have even been where you are now in the past.

Thank you for reaching out. Please know that you are loved.

Jump to this post

Thank you so much Gail. I will reply soon, sorry, brain is mush now.

REPLY
@gailb

@januaryjane How are you doing? I haven't seen a response from you to the questions I asked. If you don't want to answer my questions that's fine, however please update me on how you're feeling. I do know that medication can rob us of feeling pleasure, including sexual pleasure. Depression can do that as well. One thing I did to begin feeling again was to volunteer for various activities. This reminded me of pleasurable feelings of compassion for others and awakened my general feelings of goodwill.

I have found it difficult to feel good during this Pandemic and Black Lives Matter movement. I can't help out in either case and I would normally be very active in protests for things I believe strongly about. The amount of change we're experiencing can be destabilizing. The loss of balance as previous beliefs are challenged, and as we let go of old ways of thinking and acting can feel as if we are without our anchors in life. Added to the societal challenges, having physical and mental health issues can bring us down further.

I hope to hear from you today. Virtual hugs for you.

Jump to this post

One of my major issues is severe slow transit constipation ive been dealing with for 16 years. Last year i developed Ibs. Ironic, right? Ive pursued every avenue to help this, but nothing is working well. A colectomy has been nearing as the next choice as i run out of options. Im scared to death, and dont really have good medical advice. I dont want to do something i regret, but i want my life back where i can function.

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