I'm Disappearing

@judimahoney your post really resonated with me today. My husband has been so self-focused, rude, unapologetic, demanding, and unappreciative lately that I am running low on patience and running at low-level constant annoyance. He has such arrogance and confidence when he speaks to me, as if I am the one who doesn’t know what is going on instead of him! “Sir, you can’t even manage to write a check anymore, so pardon me if I follow the financial advice of our advisor instead of you.” He can’t even make a plan to get to the bathroom in time to prevent an accident, but he tries to tell me what I should be planning and doing! He tells me he would like “dinner at 5:30” now. “Sir, you”ll get dinner when I am done making it and not before.” He sleeps until 5 or 6 pm everyday anyway! He has “memories” of things we did together, but he re-writes them in ways that aren’t really true. I don’t correct him, but it is hard to sit and listen to him especially when his misremembering is hurtful or leaves me out. I know it’s not his “fault” and that it’s the disease but tolerating this constantly is very difficult for me. I’m to the point where I really just don’t want to be around him if I can help it and try to just keep busy in another room (hard because he shadows), or do chores outside (he avoids any “work” like the plague) or just pray that he won’t talk. Lately I feel like I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s the only abusive relationship where it is not only socially acceptable to stay in it, but there is an expectation that you do so. I pray every day that this is a phase that will pass.🙏 And soon! I know others have written that I will miss him when he is gone and I am alone, but right now all I want is peace.

@gratia (the photo uploaded sideways…. oops

@gratia Is this a sunflower?

Yes, I do have some flower gardens but there is a caveat. We live in a very hot climate and we also have deer. I also like to plant for bees and birds. The deer will eat anything when they are hungry. Last couple of years I decided rather than spend a small fortune on plants that deer will likely end up eating I planted wildflowers. Got quite a show this year. Now the deer tend to leave the wildflowers alone but bring me their babies to hide in the wildflowers while they go feed. Right now, they don’t look like much but as you said so well, “it is nature.” In the spring we may have people stop by while walking asking about the front beds. I love to share with them hoping that some will try it, too. Another neighbor has two apiaries and brought me some honey. She thinks her bees are feeding on my wildflowers. She has some very dark honey that she thinks is due to some of the red corn poppies. Been interesting!
Keep sharing your pictures with me!

@lkbous
Thanks, Linda. Misery loves company. 🫂 💔