I am being constantly stared at: Shadowing

Posted by sandyar @sandyar, Apr 27 4:25pm

My husband has Alzheimer's. He is able to do less and less and can no longer handle his business or our finances. I do all of it and that is fine. I am a retired teacher and I have enjoyed learning how to manage all of this. It is a lot, however, because he also no longer drives so I have all the responsibilities now that we once shared . I am very busy but try to find things for him to do during the day. He cannot focus on any paperwork but will fold laundry, accompany me on errands, if they require little walking, so no grocery shopping, take out the garbage but often takes it out on the wrong days and I have to bring it back in, and will still go to dinner and to see the kids. He cannot be left alone for more than an hour or so or he starts calling me every 5 minutes and can never be alone at night due to sundowning.

My issue is that he shadows me but it is really simply standing in front of me or at the table with me while I am working and staring at me. If I am doing things around the house he is shadowing me, standing in my way and staring at me with what seems to be an anticipation of me telling him something or directing him. I try to engage him in things to keep him occupied for short periods of time but often he is back shadowing and staring at me within a few minutes and if I suggest something more than once he gets agitated. When we are socializing with family or friends he is usually sitting quietly and staring at me the whole time while I am in the room or comes looking for me and does the same. I know this is not knew to those of you in this group but I was wondering if anyone has any ideas on the constant staring. I realize that I am his safe place but it is so unnerving. I feel like I never have a moment in my own home.

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Profile picture for walkesu @walkesu

Would your loved one enjoy having some books at hand? Or going out to a local performance? My husband was diagnosed with cognitive impairment about 3 years ago. His gerontologist talked to us about skills and activities that promote brain health. Reading was high on the list (along with word puzzles and other things my husband never liked). Though my husband may not remember the details of a book the way he used to, he still enjoys good books about topics of interest to him. He also likes to attend plays, musicals and concerts. High school plays, church plays, and local music recitals are enjoyable for us even though we’re not close to any of the students now. I’m amazed at what he DOES remember from reading or attending a performance.

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@walkesu, great ideas. Is going to plays, musicals and concerts something you and your husband have always done or is this a new activity you introduced?

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Profile picture for Colleen Young, Connect Director @colleenyoung

@walkesu, great ideas. Is going to plays, musicals and concerts something you and your husband have always done or is this a new activity you introduced?

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@colleenyoung We always attended some plays and concerts but we have started going to more in the past year and also keeping more different books out where he will read them.

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