Husband diagnosed MCI: He is in denial and personality is changing

Posted by civvy @civvy, Mar 7, 2024

Spouse diagnosed with MCI and he is in denial that there is any problem. In spite of his forgetting appointments and getting lost
He has had major changes in his personality and is often irritable and hostile.

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@boppi

Dearest ladies, (and gentlemen), wherever you are on this journey, stop and give yourself an inner hug as you are a wonderful person who has the strength of Vikings conquering the world! When I look at the mounds of untackled tasks that now surround me I remind myself of my mother’s words saying that dust will wait but a baby won’t be a baby for long so hold your baby before you bother with housework. I must remind myself that this man I love more than I can express is only here for a short time longer and I must take a deep breathe then love him NOW. God Bless you all and be kind to yourselves, spend your last dime on help, and know that you are loved!

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My sentiments exactly. Thank you for those words it helped a lot.

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@scottrl

I think three days in bed would do a lot of people a world of good.

In my case, I haven't had a single decent night's sleep since my stroke, 5-1/2 years ago.

...Where did you say this sidewalk was?

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Hi @scottrl, the sidewalk was on our street, just a few houses down. I went to look at it after to see if the crack was elevated and I should put a request for repair into Public Works, but there is some grass growing in the crack, where his cane tip got stuck, so I'll start putting salt water and vinegar on the grass to kill it.

Lack of sleep can be debilitating. The more we consciously pursue good sleep, the more it eludes us. I try to calm my brain with 4-7-8 breathing ( gently breathe in for a count of 4, hold for count of 7, gently expel for count of 8). It's supposed to help sleep. Also, I read that just lying still in bed vs. getting up has restorative benefits. That's challenging, but I try to do it.

Take care.

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@scupper

I hadn't thought of the word resentful...but that seems to be the best descriptor. Im going to think about this tonight...try to understand a little more about where this is coming from. Its not hard to imagine resentment coming from the realization that the life we know (knew) and planned for is not going to happen...it will be something so much different and not nearly as much fun. I just lost a good friend with an awful ending...awful for him and even worse for his wife. I don't think I can be what she was for him...or can manage his "behaviors" as she did. It truly was awful. Resentment, fear...we have tough days ahead and the end solution is too sad to imagine. Please stay in touch. Yes, I know outbursts may be out of their control; it doesn't hurt any less.

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Hello there. This is just such an awful position to be in. It seems I’m not a big enough person to handle my spouses recently diagnosed MCI. His 180* personality changes and abusive outbursts and circular arguments just make me want to pack my bags and run! Unfortunately I am no longer in love with my spouse, and haven’t been for many years , but I do love him and certainly feel a great deal of responsibility and sympathy for him. The only family we have is our daughter who lives 2000 miles away so I’m feeling so overwhelmed and isolated. Sorry, I just needed to share…..

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@yinyin I’m so sorry that life has taken this unpleasant turn for you and that now you feel alone. But Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I’m sure that you will feel the love and encouragement and support from the other members. Do you have someone to talk with? A pastor or clergy person? A counselor? Someone who will listen and help you through the bad times. Maybe there is a support group in your area. As a member has said “it’s just one hour, one day.” Just take one day at a time.
Here is a Caregivers Support Group hosted by Mayo Clinic:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/event/caregiver-support-group-meeting-3-8192/?utm_source=connect.mayoclinic.org&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=digest&utm_content=summary_events_event
Please feel free to ask any questions you want. We care!

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@becsbuddy

@yinyin I’m so sorry that life has taken this unpleasant turn for you and that now you feel alone. But Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I’m sure that you will feel the love and encouragement and support from the other members. Do you have someone to talk with? A pastor or clergy person? A counselor? Someone who will listen and help you through the bad times. Maybe there is a support group in your area. As a member has said “it’s just one hour, one day.” Just take one day at a time.
Here is a Caregivers Support Group hosted by Mayo Clinic:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/event/caregiver-support-group-meeting-3-8192/?utm_source=connect.mayoclinic.org&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=digest&utm_content=summary_events_event
Please feel free to ask any questions you want. We care!

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Is this support group just for caregivers of Alzheimers patients or for any kind of caregiver? I'm having a hard time finding in-person or online Alzheimers support groups in my area (Tucson). I've contacted the Alzheimers Assn., and they're not aware of any in the whole metro area!

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@ret2tus

Is this support group just for caregivers of Alzheimers patients or for any kind of caregiver? I'm having a hard time finding in-person or online Alzheimers support groups in my area (Tucson). I've contacted the Alzheimers Assn., and they're not aware of any in the whole metro area!

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I hate to say this but the Alzheimer’s Assn was no help. They gave me an online support group in New Jersey. There are several support groups in my area. I live in Cincinnati. I’m sure there are resources in your area, but you have to ask around. The Alzheimer’s Assn is focusing on drugs but not positive approaches and prevention. I think they have been more helpful in the past.
Teepa Snow and her consultants and groups are very helpful. Teepasnow.com I think is the website. I hope you find something.

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@becsbuddy

@tsc Teri, thank you for finding those resources! Should be veery helpful! Becky

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Hi @becsbuddy, it just seemed odd that a large city would have no available resources - so Iwas curious.

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I too, see personality changes in my spouse. Sometimes he really snaps at me and has no patience, especially driving. When he forgets things and this is quite often in tge short term memory, I used to react negatively to it. Now I just say, “oh, it’s one of those things.” I say it EVERY YIME, under my breath. I thought my marriage was done until he got the diagnosis, and now I have a much clearer understanding. But it’s still hard to deal with, it is lonely and I get depressed about it too.

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