Husband diagnosed MCI: He is in denial and personality is changing

Posted by civvy @civvy, Mar 7 8:26pm

Spouse diagnosed with MCI and he is in denial that there is any problem. In spite of his forgetting appointments and getting lost
He has had major changes in his personality and is often irritable and hostile.

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@civvy Good evening and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! This must be such a difficult time for both you and your husband. He is in denial because he probably can’t believe his has happened to him. The best you can do for him is to learn all you can from the wonderful people in this discussion group. You will be able to help him and protect him. Let me ask @tsc. @joyh1567 @maryvc if they will join this conversation to tell you of their experiences. And there are so many good discussions in the caregivers support group. Take a look!
Do you think you are ready to take on this challenge?

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It may not really be denial. He may simply not remember he forgets. My husband did not realize he was having problems until our neurologist sent him to speech therapy and she put him through exercises he simply could not do. He then became willing to work at activities to help exercise his mind as much as possible to keep him with us as long as we can. He has now forgotten that he has dementia and I gently remind him occasionally when his antics go badly but it is a thin line to walk between helping and setting him up for depression. Besides the grief of his diagnosis, my hardest challenge has been maintaining patience of him, myself and our children who ignore him. God Bless you on this road!

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@becsbuddy

@civvy Good evening and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! This must be such a difficult time for both you and your husband. He is in denial because he probably can’t believe his has happened to him. The best you can do for him is to learn all you can from the wonderful people in this discussion group. You will be able to help him and protect him. Let me ask @tsc. @joyh1567 @maryvc if they will join this conversation to tell you of their experiences. And there are so many good discussions in the caregivers support group. Take a look!
Do you think you are ready to take on this challenge?

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Thanks you so much for including me. Although I have friends and family I am in completely unchartered territory.
My husband got lost the other night when he was wal home , but found his way by asking a bystander. I think there are frontal lobe issues going on but none of the tests are definitive.
He is being treated at Johns Hopkins

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@boppi

It may not really be denial. He may simply not remember he forgets. My husband did not realize he was having problems until our neurologist sent him to speech therapy and she put him through exercises he simply could not do. He then became willing to work at activities to help exercise his mind as much as possible to keep him with us as long as we can. He has now forgotten that he has dementia and I gently remind him occasionally when his antics go badly but it is a thin line to walk between helping and setting him up for depression. Besides the grief of his diagnosis, my hardest challenge has been maintaining patience of him, myself and our children who ignore him. God Bless you on this road!

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MCI is the only diagnose has gotten so far . Has anyone seen major personality changes with MCI?

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@boppi

It may not really be denial. He may simply not remember he forgets. My husband did not realize he was having problems until our neurologist sent him to speech therapy and she put him through exercises he simply could not do. He then became willing to work at activities to help exercise his mind as much as possible to keep him with us as long as we can. He has now forgotten that he has dementia and I gently remind him occasionally when his antics go badly but it is a thin line to walk between helping and setting him up for depression. Besides the grief of his diagnosis, my hardest challenge has been maintaining patience of him, myself and our children who ignore him. God Bless you on this road!

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So important to keep his mind active and to stay active socially
He is still able to do consulting work at a very high level for an international organization. I have so far kept his diagnosis “close to the vest” because I believe he might lose his job if it was know he has MCi
His neurologist says that he has a “large cognitive reserve “ and that enables him to do his work. At least for now.
I do not believe he could function well if I were to leave town for a few days. I did that two weeks ago and his adult son came to stay with him

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I"m new to site. I have a husband diagnosed with MCI. its upsetting, personally, to be the focus of an angry outburst. My husband rarely showed anger until recently and it seems to be a response to what I consider a conversation but changes into an angry outburst...over something very minor. I do not respond well, seem to only escalate the outburst. I am left hurt and angry and still feel these feelings. Intellectually I understand the cause of the outburst...I don't, however, know what to do about myself! I have to figure out how not to remain angry, creating a negative home life.

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Perhaps we are in about the same place...recent diagnosis, personality changes, sometimes irritable with sometimes angry outbursts. I know its all about his brain and what's going on. Unfortunately, my responses are not productive...I feel angry and resentful...but also sad. disappointed and frustrated. I feel like I am trying hard to provide a healthy environment for him...good food, social interactions, support with managing daily life appts. He doesn't notice. Certainly, there is no appreciation. So, yes, I understand how this isn't about me! I know it is hard on him...even writing this out, I hate how it sounds. There is no real answer, I guess. Still, I can't be the only one who has similar feelings.

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@scupper

Perhaps we are in about the same place...recent diagnosis, personality changes, sometimes irritable with sometimes angry outbursts. I know its all about his brain and what's going on. Unfortunately, my responses are not productive...I feel angry and resentful...but also sad. disappointed and frustrated. I feel like I am trying hard to provide a healthy environment for him...good food, social interactions, support with managing daily life appts. He doesn't notice. Certainly, there is no appreciation. So, yes, I understand how this isn't about me! I know it is hard on him...even writing this out, I hate how it sounds. There is no real answer, I guess. Still, I can't be the only one who has similar feelings.

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Scupper
Thanks so much for sharing this comment with me. Just to know that others are having a similar experience with the angry outbursts. I am functioning for two people; it is so easy to get resentful. He is often blaming me for his behavior; says he gets angry and short with me because I am “not paying attention “ to him
It is as though I am being gaslighted, but I am not. Because he is not doing this on purpose

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@civvy

Scupper
Thanks so much for sharing this comment with me. Just to know that others are having a similar experience with the angry outbursts. I am functioning for two people; it is so easy to get resentful. He is often blaming me for his behavior; says he gets angry and short with me because I am “not paying attention “ to him
It is as though I am being gaslighted, but I am not. Because he is not doing this on purpose

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I hadn't thought of the word resentful...but that seems to be the best descriptor. Im going to think about this tonight...try to understand a little more about where this is coming from. Its not hard to imagine resentment coming from the realization that the life we know (knew) and planned for is not going to happen...it will be something so much different and not nearly as much fun. I just lost a good friend with an awful ending...awful for him and even worse for his wife. I don't think I can be what she was for him...or can manage his "behaviors" as she did. It truly was awful. Resentment, fear...we have tough days ahead and the end solution is too sad to imagine. Please stay in touch. Yes, I know outbursts may be out of their control; it doesn't hurt any less.

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@civvy

MCI is the only diagnose has gotten so far . Has anyone seen major personality changes with MCI?

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Hi, I haven't seen major personality changes yet in my husband who was recently diagnosed with MCI, but definitely personality changes.
The diagnosis was a relief, because I just thought we were having problems in our marriage. Now I have to work on my reactions when I get frustrated.

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