How to have relationships while living with depression?

Posted by marjou @marjou, Jun 21, 2020

Need some help in coping or pointers in how to best handle relationships whether family,dating, friends. Because my depression is the constant factor every day, I isolate in a way as to not subject others to my depressive state which I have to live with but they do not. Feel it's not fair to them or they just avoid me. When to tell or not to tell someone especially if trying to date?

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@rjmorton8

Hi there I had brittle bones before I started on blood pressure medication. I was had anexoria and bulimia all my life and that’s the main cause of my brittle bones. I also did the Hawaiian Ironman triathlon doing long hours of hard training for over 7 years on bad nutrition. My eating disorder started when I was 11 and sexually abused. It’s only as I got older that I had to start on blood pressure medication. But I lost about 5 kg I don’t know what that is in pounds as I am an Aussie and the doctor did not adjust my blood pressure medication. Your doctor should always take your blood pressure mine was too interested in telling me about her $200 eyelashes and having to brush them. I have a new doctor now. If you can dance at home that’s great always put on some music you love during the day it makes you feel better. It’s 33 degrees here in Queensland today which is hot I don’t know where you are but I am trying to go for a swim to help with my depression and muscles take care of yourself

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Swimming is my preferred exercise- i have been a Red Cross swim instructor for over 48 yrs. It is great for brittle bones as it supports the body without all the pull of gravity. I am in Maine, USA so since all the indoor pools are closed for Covid there is no swimming for me.

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@grandmaraines

Hi! I too love to dance but my husband does not. I needed good, fun exercise besides the gym and discovered Body Groove dancing. What a great way to get in shape at your own pace! Dance your own way, join a fantastic, supportive group of people who become your cheer leaders as you work to improve your life (a private Facebook group you just have to join for free) you can dance in your home, and make whatever modifications you need for doing the moves -like some who are recovering from injuries, surgery, bad knees, bone issues, might do it at first by sitting, or like I do with a painful bunion I do not do any jumping, etc. I think this might be perfect for you to get going. Add strength without doing heavy weights and enjoy dancing even before you are ready to tackle that swing dance ?which i also love!) It is found at Bodyvrooveondemad.com and there is a Facebook group by that name ( Body Groove On-Demand) you can search for to request to join. The access to the dances on line is one price ($60) for a full year access and might even be on sale right now. I do the 30 day challenge, the workout of the Day and am going to try the other options like Young at Heart which has gentler moves, that are included in the one price. I bought a combo DVD set to do when my year is done, though I will likely renew the online demand one too.. I know i soundi like a commercial, but this dance exercise has changed the lives of so many , including mine,, and you seem like you could really benefit!! just join the Facebook group and read the comments to see what you think.

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Oops. Website i gave for dance exercise was spelled wrong. It is bodygrooveondemand.com

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@marjou

@ grandmaraines Appreciate the info and will check it out!

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I misspelled the website. It is bodygrooveondemand.com

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@rossjt

In my experience, isolation only makes the depression worse, but people don't understand the energy it takes to try and make conversation, go do things, etc. I have been told to fight the "demon" and fake it 'til I make it. Have you tried different anti-depressant medications? After two years, I am finally on one that is helping. I am still depressed, but am not thinking of ending my life anymore. I would advise being up front about your depression. That is the only way that stigma surrounding mental health will get better. Also, if a date shies away because you are experiencing depression, they are not the right person for you anyway. Some people are more susceptible to the common cold and some of us are more susceptible to depression.

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@rossjt Can relate to your comments about the energy it takes to do almost anything like get out of bed, take a shower, etc. Have been on multiple meds with no luck. In desperation I just started Trintellix but no results thus far.

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@elwooodsdad

My reaction to this pandemic is more malaise than what I have come to know as depression, which generally presents in me as sadness and feelings of low self esteem. Dysthymia is my baseline, so depression at some level is a constant. I am 72, so I am in a high risk group for Covid-19, so my wife and I have materially sheltered in place for our benefit and for those we may come in contact. The last week or more has generated more than normal anxiety. We live in Tulsa, OK, and the unknowns surrounding the visit of Donald Trump were significant for the entire community. Thankfully, he came without incident, and the responses of both factions were largely peaceful. I am leaning into my feelings, allowing them to just be, and practicing some intentional breathing exercises for relaxation. This pandemic appears to be a long term problem, and the numbers in my state are increasing at a disturbing rate, due in large part to the populace choosing to not respond appropriately. Social distancing, masks and quarantine work. A great distress beyond the disease is the financial burden, not on us, but on those whose income stream is gone, their job gone, evictions and repossessions on their horizon. De minimus response from a government and an administration which seemingly is incapable of giving a damn, and we still have immigrants on the southern border being mistreated. Children in cages. We are better than what we show the world. Momentary end of rant…

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@elwooodsdad Yes this isolation contributes to worsening depression and living alone doesn't help. Then add politics to the mix and anxiety is at all time high every day.

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@marjou

@rossjt Can relate to your comments about the energy it takes to do almost anything like get out of bed, take a shower, etc. Have been on multiple meds with no luck. In desperation I just started Trintellix but no results thus far.

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@marjou You have attempted multiple medications for your depression but you have not found relief. May I ask what other sorts of interventions have you attempted or considered? I'm specifically wondering if you have tried therapy?

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@erikas

@marjou You have attempted multiple medications for your depression but you have not found relief. May I ask what other sorts of interventions have you attempted or considered? I'm specifically wondering if you have tried therapy?

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@ericka Yes, therapists, ECT, EMDR and long list of medications.

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@marjou, I am interested to see that you experienced ECT. I, too, chose to participate in ECT at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. It was amazing in that my fibromyalgia pain completely disappeared! Disappointingly, the pain re-emerged shortly after discontinuation of ECT. I believe that ECT temporarily improved my depression, but the effects were not lasting. I had 8 ECT sessions. I think I should have had more in order to "lock in" the ECT effect; that is what the doctors recommended. My wife and I, however, were both concerned about my immediate, short-term memory losses. I was also having some long-term memory loss. I chose to discontinue treatment after #8. My short-term memory (I think due in part to fibromyalgia and in part due to depression) had not been stellar going into ECT. I still struggle with short-term memory, but I don't think it is ECT related. I'm not certain of the cause of my long-term memory challenges; could be ECT, could be depression and/or could be fibromyalgia (brain MRI is good). I tried Trintellix when it was first made available and it did not improve my depression, but I pray it will help you! Depression is a very skilled battle opponent and it is challenging (and tiring) to fight it and beat it! My hat is off to you and my prayers are with you! We can't give up!

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I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a child due to a horrific family life and never knowing what kind of a mood my father would be in or whom he would choose to pick on. I have not had an easy life; many subsequent situations of abuse have occurred, as that is normal for battered women. My first suicide attempt was at age 9 — the last at 21. I currently take duloxitine and buspirone and that helps me a lot. I recently was diagnosed with a rare and extremely painful disease, adhesive arachnoiditis. I also suffer from fibromyalgia. It would be so easy for me to fall back down into that black pit of depression, but I refuse. I am realistic; yes, I have been dealt a terrible blow. I purposely find something to be grateful for each day. Gratitude lifts the spirits. I express my gratitude to the people who bring it and to God (as you know Him) all day long. This helps a lot. I also have two cats who bring me much joy. Happiness is a warm kitty on your lap. I would recommend a mental health animal to everyone. While biological factors are to play in depression and anxiety, we can choose how we think. My thoughts of despair have often led me into that black hole. Sometimes it was PTSD bringing to mind horrible things that happened to me which I had repressed. WE ARE STRONGER THAN WE THINK!!! Find meds that work for you. Be grateful and trust me, joy will come to you. God bless you!

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@rossjt

@marjou, I am interested to see that you experienced ECT. I, too, chose to participate in ECT at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. It was amazing in that my fibromyalgia pain completely disappeared! Disappointingly, the pain re-emerged shortly after discontinuation of ECT. I believe that ECT temporarily improved my depression, but the effects were not lasting. I had 8 ECT sessions. I think I should have had more in order to "lock in" the ECT effect; that is what the doctors recommended. My wife and I, however, were both concerned about my immediate, short-term memory losses. I was also having some long-term memory loss. I chose to discontinue treatment after #8. My short-term memory (I think due in part to fibromyalgia and in part due to depression) had not been stellar going into ECT. I still struggle with short-term memory, but I don't think it is ECT related. I'm not certain of the cause of my long-term memory challenges; could be ECT, could be depression and/or could be fibromyalgia (brain MRI is good). I tried Trintellix when it was first made available and it did not improve my depression, but I pray it will help you! Depression is a very skilled battle opponent and it is challenging (and tiring) to fight it and beat it! My hat is off to you and my prayers are with you! We can't give up!

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Thanks for your kind of words of encouragement

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