How to have relationships while living with depression?

Posted by marjou @marjou, Jun 21 2:36pm

Need some help in coping or pointers in how to best handle relationships whether family,dating, friends. Because my depression is the constant factor every day, I isolate in a way as to not subject others to my depressive state which I have to live with but they do not. Feel it's not fair to them or they just avoid me. When to tell or not to tell someone especially if trying to date?

Do the feelings go away if doing something you love dave

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@davej

Do the feelings go away if doing something you love dave

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Am having trouble enjoying anything and seems that this pandemic has made it worse.

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In my experience, isolation only makes the depression worse, but people don't understand the energy it takes to try and make conversation, go do things, etc. I have been told to fight the "demon" and fake it 'til I make it. Have you tried different anti-depressant medications? After two years, I am finally on one that is helping. I am still depressed, but am not thinking of ending my life anymore. I would advise being up front about your depression. That is the only way that stigma surrounding mental health will get better. Also, if a date shies away because you are experiencing depression, they are not the right person for you anyway. Some people are more susceptible to the common cold and some of us are more susceptible to depression.

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Great conversation to start, @marjou though I am sorry you are battling with depression on a daily basis. I know several people (including myself) that have been dealing with depression and anxiety during this pandemic and prior. @stsopoci, @elwooodsdad, @ayeshasharma, @trellg132 and @bookysue, would you like to share some of your tips and coping mechanisms that have or have not worked for you lately?

@marjou, are you currently in a dating situation where you have not shared with them about your depression? Out of the three, family, dates and friends, which do you consider to be your biggest hurdle and why?

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@rossjt

In my experience, isolation only makes the depression worse, but people don't understand the energy it takes to try and make conversation, go do things, etc. I have been told to fight the "demon" and fake it 'til I make it. Have you tried different anti-depressant medications? After two years, I am finally on one that is helping. I am still depressed, but am not thinking of ending my life anymore. I would advise being up front about your depression. That is the only way that stigma surrounding mental health will get better. Also, if a date shies away because you are experiencing depression, they are not the right person for you anyway. Some people are more susceptible to the common cold and some of us are more susceptible to depression.

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During this pandemic isolation has not been helpful. Have tried numerous, long list, of medications to no avail..It was nice of you to respond. It helps

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My reaction to this pandemic is more malaise than what I have come to know as depression, which generally presents in me as sadness and feelings of low self esteem. Dysthymia is my baseline, so depression at some level is a constant. I am 72, so I am in a high risk group for Covid-19, so my wife and I have materially sheltered in place for our benefit and for those we may come in contact. The last week or more has generated more than normal anxiety. We live in Tulsa, OK, and the unknowns surrounding the visit of Donald Trump were significant for the entire community. Thankfully, he came without incident, and the responses of both factions were largely peaceful. I am leaning into my feelings, allowing them to just be, and practicing some intentional breathing exercises for relaxation. This pandemic appears to be a long term problem, and the numbers in my state are increasing at a disturbing rate, due in large part to the populace choosing to not respond appropriately. Social distancing, masks and quarantine work. A great distress beyond the disease is the financial burden, not on us, but on those whose income stream is gone, their job gone, evictions and repossessions on their horizon. De minimus response from a government and an administration which seemingly is incapable of giving a damn, and we still have immigrants on the southern border being mistreated. Children in cages. We are better than what we show the world. Momentary end of rant…

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@rossjt

In my experience, isolation only makes the depression worse, but people don't understand the energy it takes to try and make conversation, go do things, etc. I have been told to fight the "demon" and fake it 'til I make it. Have you tried different anti-depressant medications? After two years, I am finally on one that is helping. I am still depressed, but am not thinking of ending my life anymore. I would advise being up front about your depression. That is the only way that stigma surrounding mental health will get better. Also, if a date shies away because you are experiencing depression, they are not the right person for you anyway. Some people are more susceptible to the common cold and some of us are more susceptible to depression.

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@rossjt I know what you mean. I was ok and only had anxiety, until I had my 9 hour back surgery, low blood pressure and low Hemaglobin. I ended up with a red cell blood infusion. I finally made it home after 7 days, but now depressed. Wear a brace and can't do much of anything. My husband has been so good. He still works out of our house and takes care of me. It has been very stressful. Take care and if you can, I can do puzzle's on the computer, but so far been to tired once I get through Mayo Connect. My thought will be with you. Depression is an illness and very inherited. Jeanie

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@amandaburnett

Great conversation to start, @marjou though I am sorry you are battling with depression on a daily basis. I know several people (including myself) that have been dealing with depression and anxiety during this pandemic and prior. @stsopoci, @elwooodsdad, @ayeshasharma, @trellg132 and @bookysue, would you like to share some of your tips and coping mechanisms that have or have not worked for you lately?

@marjou, are you currently in a dating situation where you have not shared with them about your depression? Out of the three, family, dates and friends, which do you consider to be your biggest hurdle and why?

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Well where to start to answer your inquiries.
In my situation family has been non communicative nor understanding. True understanding friends are minimal but don't want impose on the friendship with my never ending depression. Had just went dancing a couple of times with a man whose I met through his family. Then pandemic so we had to isolate. We just started seeing each other after both getting negative COVID testing, but my moods have been up and down (mostly down). Prefer not to lead a relationship with my depression nor even know how/when to approach the conversation which is overwhelming.

I try walking a bit, at times 5 minutes is all I can do. Dance a bit at home. Therapy when budget allows. The constant depression, necessary isolation due to pandemic and financial constraints are all contributing factors.

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@marjou

Am having trouble enjoying anything and seems that this pandemic has made it worse.

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@marjou I know what you mean, plus on top of it for me I just had a fusion from T-10 to my pelvis. Had complications in the hospital. So fatigued and like you, I don't feel like doing anything. Of course, with this recovery I really can't do much. Take care and this isolation does make a difference. Has to get better, at least for me as I heal. It take a year, but I'm going to be strong and positive that I can deal with my depression. Jeanie

Liked by gldnrtrvrlvr, marjou

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Thank you for sharing. Sending prayers and blessings for your recovery process.

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@lilypaws

@rossjt I know what you mean. I was ok and only had anxiety, until I had my 9 hour back surgery, low blood pressure and low Hemaglobin. I ended up with a red cell blood infusion. I finally made it home after 7 days, but now depressed. Wear a brace and can't do much of anything. My husband has been so good. He still works out of our house and takes care of me. It has been very stressful. Take care and if you can, I can do puzzle's on the computer, but so far been to tired once I get through Mayo Connect. My thought will be with you. Depression is an illness and very inherited. Jeanie

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Hello lilypaws, I had blood transfusions while pregnant. I seemed to feel so much better. Depression I will fight always. I am glad you have a great husband.9 fight depression0 I have thalassemia. inherited it too

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EXERCISE — Go outside and walk 10 steps, go back inside and write what you did on todays date on the calendar. Tomorrow go outside and walk 15 steps, write that on the calendar. Do this for a week increasing distance 5 steps a day. After a week go back to 10 steps and increase distance each day as you can. Always walk outside and always write down how far you walked. Never miss a day. Set attainable goals with your walking. Make it a priority in your life.

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@marjou Whether or not we have depression, we have relationships. The closest relationship we have, is with ourself! While having depression is not comfortable, the fact that you recognize it is a positive step. Be gentle on yourself. The "acting as if" that @rossjt mentioned, sometimes works. But we do have to gently get on with our life. You can face off against the depression, using medications, or exercise, or therapy, or journaling [see the discussion https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/journaling-the-write-stuff-for-you/ ]. Find what works for you. Friends, family, and romantic relationships are a touchy subject, and you should not have to feel defensive. Do what you are comfortable with.

Have you thought about things you used to do that brought you pleasure? Can you start those things again? Is there something new you would like to try? Can you make steps towards that and let me know?

I have gone through depressive episodes myself, and found that exercise in fresh air, healthy food, restful sleep, all help.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@marjou Whether or not we have depression, we have relationships. The closest relationship we have, is with ourself! While having depression is not comfortable, the fact that you recognize it is a positive step. Be gentle on yourself. The "acting as if" that @rossjt mentioned, sometimes works. But we do have to gently get on with our life. You can face off against the depression, using medications, or exercise, or therapy, or journaling [see the discussion https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/journaling-the-write-stuff-for-you/ ]. Find what works for you. Friends, family, and romantic relationships are a touchy subject, and you should not have to feel defensive. Do what you are comfortable with.

Have you thought about things you used to do that brought you pleasure? Can you start those things again? Is there something new you would like to try? Can you make steps towards that and let me know?

I have gone through depressive episodes myself, and found that exercise in fresh air, healthy food, restful sleep, all help.
Ginger

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@gingerw Babysitting was one of my joys, dancing (salsa and two step) but this pandemic has changed that. I was just starting to go out again which took many years to force myself to do and enjoy again but all that has changed. Life is certainly challenging. Thanks for your questions.

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It been tough but I just try and keep my mine busy focus on other things and i pray

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