How to have relationships while living with depression?

Posted by marjou @marjou, Jun 21, 2020

Need some help in coping or pointers in how to best handle relationships whether family,dating, friends. Because my depression is the constant factor every day, I isolate in a way as to not subject others to my depressive state which I have to live with but they do not. Feel it's not fair to them or they just avoid me. When to tell or not to tell someone especially if trying to date?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

@marjou

@ellen307 At times I have found group therapy helpful, but not sure how this can be accomplished during COVID.

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Hello @marjou,

There are many groups that are meeting on Zoom or other online platforms. I belong to two book clubs that meet monthly. I understand there are many 12-Step groups who meet virtually as well. Have you looked into any of these?

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@elwooodsdad

My reaction to this pandemic is more malaise than what I have come to know as depression, which generally presents in me as sadness and feelings of low self esteem. Dysthymia is my baseline, so depression at some level is a constant. I am 72, so I am in a high risk group for Covid-19, so my wife and I have materially sheltered in place for our benefit and for those we may come in contact. The last week or more has generated more than normal anxiety. We live in Tulsa, OK, and the unknowns surrounding the visit of Donald Trump were significant for the entire community. Thankfully, he came without incident, and the responses of both factions were largely peaceful. I am leaning into my feelings, allowing them to just be, and practicing some intentional breathing exercises for relaxation. This pandemic appears to be a long term problem, and the numbers in my state are increasing at a disturbing rate, due in large part to the populace choosing to not respond appropriately. Social distancing, masks and quarantine work. A great distress beyond the disease is the financial burden, not on us, but on those whose income stream is gone, their job gone, evictions and repossessions on their horizon. De minimus response from a government and an administration which seemingly is incapable of giving a damn, and we still have immigrants on the southern border being mistreated. Children in cages. We are better than what we show the world. Momentary end of rant…

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It is a sad situation all the way around. Having dealt with depression myself and almost all family members. It’s tough. But it gets better. Through learning and understanding and accepting what depression is. Let the feelings and thoughts come. After all they are just thoughts. Then move on. Look for all the good things in life and in your situation. Seems so easy. But sometimes difficult to do. I know. Take a drive if you can and see nature. So much we can actually do even at home. I’ve been reading, talking on the phone, watching tv but not the news, painting or just reflecting. I wish you all the best. Things will get better because things never stay the same for too long. Good or bad. Stay well.

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@hopeful33250

Hello @marjou,

There are many groups that are meeting on Zoom or other online platforms. I belong to two book clubs that meet monthly. I understand there are many 12-Step groups who meet virtually as well. Have you looked into any of these?

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Have tried Zoom and Skype with my therapist but half the time it doesn't work or freezes in this rural area. Good suggestion.

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@gingerw

@grandmaraines Your husband is blessed to have you in his corner. In reading your posts, it sounds like he is also concerned and would like to understand what to do to ease his burden. To me, that right there is a sign he understands the seriousness and long term effects of this issue. I am glad to hear he gifted his son with the firearms.

Do you have a way to check in with a teaching hospital in your area, and get some answers? SAMHSA [Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline may give you some guidance. Also there is the Anxiety and Depression Association of America https://adaa.org/ that might help.

Will you let me know if either one of these help you and your husband?
Ginger

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Sorry it took awhile to reply. I have looked tthe resources and registered for webinar
Getting him to read them is a challenge- too many words, too hard to concentrate, even if I read aloud- he finds it overwhelming and it adds to stress. I finally convinced him to get into therapy(CBT). Only just starting and only once a week. Panic attacks are frequent, the new med seems to not be helping, so have contacted psychiatrist. Taking life day at a time.

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@grandmaraines

Sorry it took awhile to reply. I have looked tthe resources and registered for webinar
Getting him to read them is a challenge- too many words, too hard to concentrate, even if I read aloud- he finds it overwhelming and it adds to stress. I finally convinced him to get into therapy(CBT). Only just starting and only once a week. Panic attacks are frequent, the new med seems to not be helping, so have contacted psychiatrist. Taking life day at a time.

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@grandmaraines I am glad you are taking the necessary steps. I know it is not easy, but at least he is now willing to do therapy. Please keep us updated and let us know how it goes.

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Thanks. I will do that.

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@grandmaraines

Sorry it took awhile to reply. I have looked tthe resources and registered for webinar
Getting him to read them is a challenge- too many words, too hard to concentrate, even if I read aloud- he finds it overwhelming and it adds to stress. I finally convinced him to get into therapy(CBT). Only just starting and only once a week. Panic attacks are frequent, the new med seems to not be helping, so have contacted psychiatrist. Taking life day at a time.

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@grandmaraines It takes time for both medications and therapy to work. Don't give up, please! I recently started back on a low dose depression/anxiety medication, and was told it would take 3 weeks to start building up in my system, and would be 5 to 6 months before noticing significant changes. Like you, I was figuring immediate changes. But realize, please, that it takes time to change brain chemistry, and after a good trial period, there may have to be an adjustment. Everyone is different.

Thank you for coming back to let me know what is happening now. Don't give up hope. Come back and let us share with you.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@grandmaraines It takes time for both medications and therapy to work. Don't give up, please! I recently started back on a low dose depression/anxiety medication, and was told it would take 3 weeks to start building up in my system, and would be 5 to 6 months before noticing significant changes. Like you, I was figuring immediate changes. But realize, please, that it takes time to change brain chemistry, and after a good trial period, there may have to be an adjustment. Everyone is different.

Thank you for coming back to let me know what is happening now. Don't give up hope. Come back and let us share with you.
Ginger

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@grandmaraines As one who suffers from extreme depression and diagnosed as Bipolar, I can relate to some of your husband's symptoms. My brain shuts down in both directions, overwhelmed with information and it appears as no skills to comprehend. The additional kicker is the knowledge or memory that one used to be able to do it. A double whammy for me. Progress u s slow going, but he is trying in as much as he can until the right meds work. Blessings to you both.
You are there for him in such loving way.

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You are definitely describing his struggles. Thank you for your encouragement.

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I have not seen you post anything, so I'm hoping that everything is going ok for you. Well take care of yourself stay warm and enjoy the change in colors while the leaves are still on the trees dave

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@davej

I have not seen you post anything, so I'm hoping that everything is going ok for you. Well take care of yourself stay warm and enjoy the change in colors while the leaves are still on the trees dave

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@davej, I'm so grateful that you noticed that @marjou had not posted for some time.

@marjou, I just checked your settings and noticed that your email had bounced and that you were no longer getting email notifications from the community. I have reinstated your email and look forward to hearing from you. How are you doing?

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@colleenyoung

@davej, I'm so grateful that you noticed that @marjou had not posted for some time.

@marjou, I just checked your settings and noticed that your email had bounced and that you were no longer getting email notifications from the community. I have reinstated your email and look forward to hearing from you. How are you doing?

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I too, got lost and couldn't find my way back. Many times I tried but got frustrated. Can't tell you what happened
.website/phone but it was likely my fault. As my illness expands I am losing concentration and patience ..the cataracts are not helping either.
I am back and much relieved to have someone to talk to that gets it!!! It makes a huge difference in my life. It is good to keep track of each other.

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