How to have relationships while living with depression?

Posted by marjou @marjou, Jun 21, 2020

Need some help in coping or pointers in how to best handle relationships whether family,dating, friends. Because my depression is the constant factor every day, I isolate in a way as to not subject others to my depressive state which I have to live with but they do not. Feel it's not fair to them or they just avoid me. When to tell or not to tell someone especially if trying to date?

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I go through a constant eruption with my wife when I think she is criticizing me. I grew up with a narcissistic Dad who was always right . Never apologized or said he was sorry. When I am criticized about something I usually am calm and sensitive with my wife. Sometime I blow a gasket and need to walk away before I do something I regret. I do have propranolol to bring my 200+ blood pressure down when this happens but I am not reacting to my wife. I’m reacting to my Dad who died in 1979.

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@stsopoci

I go through a constant eruption with my wife when I think she is criticizing me. I grew up with a narcissistic Dad who was always right . Never apologized or said he was sorry. When I am criticized about something I usually am calm and sensitive with my wife. Sometime I blow a gasket and need to walk away before I do something I regret. I do have propranolol to bring my 200+ blood pressure down when this happens but I am not reacting to my wife. I’m reacting to my Dad who died in 1979.

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Hello @stsopoci, your last sentence, "when this happens but I am not reacting to my wife. I’m reacting to my Dad who died in 1979" shows great insight. Good for you! I appreciate your sharing that.

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@hopeful33250

Hello @stsopoci, your last sentence, "when this happens but I am not reacting to my wife. I’m reacting to my Dad who died in 1979" shows great insight. Good for you! I appreciate your sharing that.

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Does your wife understand that?
Even if she understands it, can she handle it?
I would understand cognitively but.. emotionally it would be a mess.

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@stsopoci

I go through a constant eruption with my wife when I think she is criticizing me. I grew up with a narcissistic Dad who was always right . Never apologized or said he was sorry. When I am criticized about something I usually am calm and sensitive with my wife. Sometime I blow a gasket and need to walk away before I do something I regret. I do have propranolol to bring my 200+ blood pressure down when this happens but I am not reacting to my wife. I’m reacting to my Dad who died in 1979.

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It's good that you realize that you're reacting from something in the past, but are certain words triggering that. Is it possible for you and your wife to use other less triggering words so that she can express herself and not trigger you. Just a thought.

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@stsopoci

I go through a constant eruption with my wife when I think she is criticizing me. I grew up with a narcissistic Dad who was always right . Never apologized or said he was sorry. When I am criticized about something I usually am calm and sensitive with my wife. Sometime I blow a gasket and need to walk away before I do something I regret. I do have propranolol to bring my 200+ blood pressure down when this happens but I am not reacting to my wife. I’m reacting to my Dad who died in 1979.

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@stsopoci I think many of us find ourselves in that position! While it is great to recognize a trigger for us, who has tried to explain it to the other person/s and tried to reach a mutually beneficial conclusion? What was the outcome? For me, my spouse simply says, "deal with it", which serves no good except to slide me further away.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@stsopoci I think many of us find ourselves in that position! While it is great to recognize a trigger for us, who has tried to explain it to the other person/s and tried to reach a mutually beneficial conclusion? What was the outcome? For me, my spouse simply says, "deal with it", which serves no good except to slide me further away.
Ginger

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While I was in business, I was so careful to never show any signs of my depression. Customers did not want to know. But, unfortunately, I would occasionally take it out on my family. Because I felt angry about my “ problem “ and I knew that they would tolerate me because they loved me. Trust me when I say this, no one ever wants to lose a loved one, of course, but when they do die, and you have had occasions where you were verbally abusive to them, you will never forgive yourself.

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Get medicine to cope first. Be sure to tell them if close to marriage. My husband said okay, but didn't realize the ride we would have for good and bad. We've survived 37 years.

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@gingerw

@stsopoci I think many of us find ourselves in that position! While it is great to recognize a trigger for us, who has tried to explain it to the other person/s and tried to reach a mutually beneficial conclusion? What was the outcome? For me, my spouse simply says, "deal with it", which serves no good except to slide me further away.
Ginger

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Boy I do not like the words "just snap out of it" because it makes me realize the person saying them has no clue or understanding of what I'm going through. So then I retreat within myself.

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@marjou

Boy I do not like the words "just snap out of it" because it makes me realize the person saying them has no clue or understanding of what I'm going through. So then I retreat within myself.

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I am so sorry this has happened to youj.lm!! I lost my son 20 years ago.to depression/suicide. I lost many friends because I didnt get over it.

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My granddaughter is having this issue so what can be done, not good to go out n about csnnit trust any one

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I find the more people I tell the more they back away. There's a terrible stigma!

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@mariajean03

I find the more people I tell the more they back away. There's a terrible stigma!

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Agree!

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