How many times?

I’m sorry Loss55 you’re going through all this, I totally sympathize with you. My brother and myself are dealing with this exact same situation right now with our 91 year old Mom. She’s been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and hardening of the arteries due to multiple mini strokes. She’s in total denial, even after her Primary Dr. told her all this 2 weeks ago. She’s constantly accusing my brother and myself of going behind her back and moving things in her home or cleaning stuff without telling her beforehand. She will look us in the eye and lie to us about everything because she’s still living alone. Her Doctor told her , she will not be able to live alone much longer and she said, well what if I don’t want anyone to live with me? He said” I have been known to draw up a letter to the court stating that my patient is no longer able to live alone, for her on safety “. She didn’t like that response from him. He also suggested starting her on Aricept, to slow down her memory loss. But , she refuses to take any more medications. Her mood swings are like a light switch going off and on. But, we don’t want to force more meds on her at this point. I and my brother believe she is in the later stages of dementia. This has been going on for 3 years already. I don’t know if this was helpful, but I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. It definitely is a hard time for everyone.

@dmash3
Wow 91 that is an accomplishment on its own. My mom lived to be 91.
I’ve been through the same type of denial with my wife. If we step into their shoes I’m sure it is hard to accept that you are losing your mental clarity. I see that many times a week. What we know to be a fact just doesn’t register with them.
Everyday I am learning to be more patient and accepting of the situation and striving to not take things personal.
Do the best you can and be satisfied with your efforts, as with this disease no one wins.
B

@lost55 thank you for your comment and suggestion.

to put a little light humor into this discussion
I live alone, and a few times I've misplaced something
and frequently am glad I don't have someone else to blame
for hiding my things.
My 93 yo friend had invasion of evil spirit for about 3 weeks, and then he got back to his very nice self who I've been friends with for almost 40 years. The doctor diagnosed it a delirium, that can happen in dementia patients.

We finally got an appointment after months of waiting for an opening with a psychiatrist for my 95 yr old mother who was diagnosed with late stage dementia a year ago. Her neurologist said he could not prescribe drugs beyond a sleeping pill for her. My mother's violent behaviors and delusional thoughts were endangering her, my sister, and me.

Now she is on Rexulti .5 mg and this has calmed her down tremendously and is less combative. She started Rexulti at .25 mg for several weeks before advancing to .5 mg.

How Rexulti has changed her violent outbursts:
The other day the ceiling fan's pull-chain to turn it off and on was missing and she insisted she had not done anything to it but that someone must have come into her room to take it.
First, no one was in the house but she and me.
Second, why would anyone want to take her ceiling fan's pull-chain?
Third, the pull-chain had come off several times before and she had always shown it to me and I had reattached it.
Fourth, when we looked together for it and could not find it, I told her I would buy a new one and attach it to the small remaining piece so she could again turn her fan on and off. (I'm sure we'll eventually find it.)

During this time of figuring out what happened to the pull-chain, she insisted she had not taken it off because someone had come and taken it. Who would want a chain?, I asked. It's a crazy circle of delusional thinking and sometimes it's hard to get her out of her circular thinking.

In the past she would have started a huge argument. Also, because she has lost a lot of her hearing, I often have to raise my voice so she can hear me. In the past she would interpret this as me being mad at her and this would then be a reason for her to argue and get violent. Now with the Rexulti, she is more likely to accept my explanation of things. (The volume level on her TV is between 65 and 75. I listen to my TV on volume level 8.)
Hopefully, talking with your loved one's physician to consider prescribing a calming med will help those who are dealing with a loved one's aggressive or delusional behaviors. (Just make sure to read the side effects carefully and ask pharmacist to check interactions with other meds your loved one is taking.) Be safe and God bless!

@1995victoria Thank you for the humor. With all this going on, I misplaced my blood pressure medicine, my favorite comb, and my coffee. Go figure.
My Best, Karla

@normalinda57 Has anyone discussed palliative care? Is she still taking any medications?

@jenniferkr

I remember when I was a young mom and all the wise women would tell me to rest/take a catnap when the baby was sleeping.

Impossible, I thought, with all there was to do.

It’s the same now with caregiving. We can’t take naps because there’s so much that needs doing, but then we spin our wheels because we are so tired.

I vote more catnaps and ignore the dust and disarray around us, even if just briefly.

@ktcosmos
I agree!

Hmmm ... I have not heard of palliative care. Thanks. I'll look into it.
Have a great day!