Help! My husband refuses to shower. It’s been 2 weeks now.

Does anyone have any experience with getting their LO to use a bidet?

I’ve read that anything new is especially challenging for someone with dementia. Learning new skills aren’t likely possible. That’s why switching to a new remote, phone or clock can be frustrating for them. I’ve also read for years that people with dementia often have an aversion to water. It’s believed to be a sensory thing.

The aversion to water is interesting. My husband, who has Alzheimer's and doesn't recognize it, can't stand even a drop of water anywhere. I have to carefully wipe down every sink and if there's even a drop of water on the floor, he jumps to wipe it up. He won't take a bath after I've had a shower because the tub is wet. Well, yeah. This water phobia drives me crazy because it seems so excessive, but I didn't know it could be related to dementia. This is helpful knowledge.

My Mom is in the advanced stage of Dementia. She hated showering too. She would get so angry at me and I'd end up in tears. I figured out along the way that she forgot the steps to showering but was too stubborn or ashamed to admit it. Honestly, nothing helped. We gave up and so did the Memory Care Center. She was so mean and extremely aggressive, verbally and physically. She went 3 months with no shower and kept the same clothes on. It might seem weird to just give up, but what other options were there? Zero. It was better to stop the expectations of her ever showering. They did try other methods. For a while I went when they showered her to be there to support her. My mother is modest to say the least. I'm not helping answer your question but I do have some insight. She was always clean and dressed to the nines. Now she's unable to hold any sort of conversation. I chose my battles with my Mom in that stage. She still has issues with bathing, but if she has one a week I'm happy. I wish I would have educated myself much sooner. My time with my Mom is precious and I don't want her stressed about anything. There are books to read, support groups, keeping a good repoir with the staff. It's all about being with my Mom and engaging in the best way possible. I know my Dad struggled with all of it before she went to Memory Care. He had his own health issues and passed away 2 years ago. He moved into a skilled nirsing apartment right next door and saw her daily until he wasn't able to anymore. I miss them both. I can't call my Mom and ask for a recipe or anything else like that. When she reached that level of Dementia, I miss the silly things that probably shouldn't even matter. She didn't go to his funeral because she wasn't even aware that he died. 60 years of marriage and that was a tough pill to swallow. I guess I'm saying they won't always have that level of fight in them because they don't know about a freaking thing anymore. The anticipatory grief is real. I'm not gonna lie, it's a struggle all the way through there are new challenges to face. Make sure you take care of yourself. That is very important throughout ALL of it. I'm so sorry to go on. Your post reminded me of that time of aggressive behavior with her. It won't last. I buy her her tons of pairs of sunglasses cuz she loses every pair. I buy her clothes cuz they come up missing. That's normal. And I've Bern in the ER with her after every fall to get her stitched up. She feels zero pain when she lashes her head open. It's laughing and crying and loving then through it all. I think I've said way more than you wanted to hear, but I hope some of it is helpful. God Bless you for your love and care you give your spouse. ❣️❣️❣️

My Mom is in the advanced stage of Dementia. She hated showering too. She would get so angry at me and I'd end up in tears. I figured out along the way that she forgot the steps to showering but was too stubborn or ashamed to admit it. Honestly, nothing helped. We gave up and so did the Memory Care Center. She was so mean and extremely aggressive, verbally and physically. She went 3 months with no shower and kept the same clothes on. It might seem weird to just give up, but what other options were there? Zero. It was better to stop the expectations of her ever showering. They did try other methods. For a while I went when they showered her to be there to support her. My mother is modest to say the least. I'm not helping answer your question but I do have some insight. She was always clean and dressed to the nines. Now she's unable to hold any sort of conversation. I chose my battles with my Mom in that stage. She still has issues with bathing, but if she has one a week I'm happy. I wish I would have educated myself much sooner. My time with my Mom is precious and I don't want her stressed about anything. There are books to read, support groups, keeping a good repoir with the staff. It's all about being with my Mom and engaging in the best way possible. I know my Dad struggled with all of it before she went to Memory Care. He had his own health issues and passed away 2 years ago. He moved into a skilled nirsing apartment right next door and saw her daily until he wasn't able to anymore. I miss them both. I can't call my Mom and ask for a recipe or anything else like that. When she reached that level of Dementia, I miss the silly things that probably shouldn't even matter. She didn't go to his funeral because she wasn't even aware that he died. 60 years of marriage and that was a tough pill to swallow. I guess I'm saying they won't always have that level of fight in them because they don't know about a freaking thing anymore. The anticipatory grief is real. I'm not gonna lie, it's a struggle all the way through there are new challenges to face. Make sure you take care of yourself. That is very important throughout ALL of it. I'm so sorry to go on. Your post reminded me of that time of aggressive behavior with her. It won't last. I buy her her tons of pairs of sunglasses cuz she loses every pair. I buy her clothes cuz they come up missing. That's normal. And I've Bern in the ER with her after every fall to get her stitched up. She feels zero pain when she lashes her head open. It's laughing and crying and loving then through it all. I think I've said way more than you wanted to hear, but I hope some of it is helpful. God Bless you for your love and care you give your spouse. ❣️❣️❣️