Dreading Sundown…

In the last month I can tell my husband is being drawn deeper into the sundown arena. Previously he would sit down and watch tv with me after supper until bedtime, now he is busy…pacing the house, checking the doors and locks, continuously opening doors and looking into rooms, searching through his things. His fear factor has definitely increased. It’s hard enough keeping an eye on him all day long, but now the evenings too…he is wearing me out.

@labrown
I've read a few folks on this site recommend gummies to take the edge off their loved ones challenging behaviors.
I may try this someday if my husband starts to sundown.

@judimahoney I have actually tried Gummies, and some CBD drops. He has a very bad reaction to all of it and it makes the sundowning even worse. 😔

@labrown
Oh, shoot. I know these fixes don't work for everyone.
I have not tried them with my husband. He is equally confused all day, no worsening in the evening (to date).
All the best and good luck. 🌺

My husband usually falls asleep during the evening in his chair which makes it easier. However he closes the drapes and shades at 4pm which drives me crazy I hate being in the dark with artificial lights. Today when he woke up he asked me when we are going home? Since his words get mixed up I am hoping he meant going out?
Also through word of mouth I have found someone who will come and be with him for a couple of hours I met her she is wonderful and I don’t feel uneasy leaving him with her since she is employed as a full time teacher.
On to the next step in my life. I would desperately love to go on a trip, just saying.

@labrown

It's amazing that you're just beginning to get worn out. You are a trooper.

I have been worn out and worn down for over a year, but I just pick myself back up and start a new day--hoping that it will be better but prepared that it might be worse than the day before. Caregiving might do me in, but at least I will die happy, knowing that I did my best. And as we keep reminding each other (and quoting Karla), with God's help: "We can do it!"

P.S. George's sundowning behavior has gone through different phrases during this past year. At first, I gave him a melatonin around 8 p.m. He would go to bed around 9 p.m. and sleep for two hours, wake up every hour on the hour after that, and then stay up for a three-hour interval every night. While he was awake, he got in and out of bed up to 16 times during that interval.

Now, on most nights, he refuses to come to bed because he's either afraid that his back will hurt too much, or that he won't be able to get back out of bed; so he insists on sleeping in his recliner, which is in another room. I still give him a melatonin at 4 p.m. and another one around 8 p.m. He falls asleep in his chair at 9 p.m., sometimes earlier. Around 3 a.m., he gets up and starts wandering around and hollering. I give him a drop of THC/CBD, which gets him to sleep for two hours. When he wakes up again, I give him a gummy and he'll sleep until 8 a.m.

One manifestation of George's anxiety is that he asks me all day long and at night right before bedtime: "Where's my wallet? Where are my keys? Where's my cell phone?" I got him a pouch for him to keep all those things together in one place, and I tell him to keep the pouch on top of his desk in his office. So, when he asks for one of those items, I tell him that it's in his pouch. I thought that would simplify our life; but now, he'll ask me where's his pouch, and I tell him that it's on top of his desk. Then he'll ask where's his desk, and I tell him that it's in his office. Then he'll say: "I don't know where that is." Did God choreagraph variations of a new dance for dementia partners? Is there humor in this somewhere? I must be missing it because the repetition drives me crazy--then I have to snap out of it.

I always love reading your responses. There is always a sweet tone in them. George is fortunate to have you. Thankfully, once my husband goes to bed with CPAP in place, peace and quiet usually reigns through the night. I don’t sleep well and usually get up during the night.. but even a little is better than none as I tend to get a little testy when I lack some sleep.🙄
Steve has lost his wallet, keys and phone so there is nothing to keep up with. He spends hours going through his closet and drawers. It’s like he is continuously cleaning out his things, trying to have fewer and fewer belongings. His limited conversation has drifted back to his family, and friends from yester years. It’s such a sad, and hopeless disease.

@judimahoney I give my wife a "sleepy time" capsule which is 10 mg Indica THC 5 mg CBD and 5 mg CBN (helps with sleep). She has had no problem sleeping. If she get agitated in the afternoon or evening I'll give her a 5mg Indica gummy. It helps settle her. I've been doing this for two years and it has really helped.

@gratia The couple of things that seemed to help with my Tom's sundowning was hit and miss from one night to the next but I wouldn't/couldn't give up. I know, it's easier said than done but I just had to keep trying because I thought that it would stick and then we could both move on with getting good nights rest. It seemed to help with his agitation as well. 1) turn the lights down low but keep a night light on in rooms where there was no light (i.e. bathroom, kitchen) 2) try a small lite snack. He enjoyed when I would make him pudding. A simple scrambled egg and jelly toast. Surprisingly these would calm him down and he would start to relax. These snacks sometimes had to happen at midnight or later because he just couldn't relax. The first time I tried these, i was elated because in no time we was falling asleep. 3) I tried to take away as much stimulation as I could, like bright lights or tv. He didn't know how to navigate the internet anymore so that wasn't an issue. I'd also put on soft music. 4) I would try to stop giving him food or drink a couple of hours before bedtime. Especially anything with caffeine, like hot chocolate ( which he loved) or anything with sugar. All the same stimulants that would keep any of us awake, right? 5) I also tried Melatonin as well, but that didn't work as well as I thought. ( I thought it would be that magical cure-all pill). 6) I would sometimes read to him as well.
Since there is no text book on what will always work, taking the advice from others on here is a starting point I believe that will help you find your answers. I truly believe you will your way for the both of you.
Strength, Love, Peace and Hugs

@bayviewgal thank you for this info. I’ve tried a few of these things, but I’m going to keep trying!