Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

@Parus- I can certainly understand that. I keep my son apprised but he doesn't really know how I ache inside with PTSD. He knows that I get depressed and he manages my blog but reading or hearing something isn't the same thing. I also had to learn how to be a mother to an adult son. We are much better off now and do still feel left out at times but he doesn't know. We email daily but short stuff or a picture, some small thing that just shows our love.

@parus I understand completely I felt this way for a long time but now since I have learned they will contact me I get more calls from my son .Texting or email he do,s call to let me know when they go away that they get there ,I guess this is all I can ask for.Its been hard but I think I'm getting there

Yes. My friend and I were talking about this recently. Our kids still see us as parents. If you think about it as children that what they did and haven't made the transition that you're not a parent but a person. They don't see us as friends. The uestion becomes how do we change this? Well I would start by thinking about what kind of relationship you want to have with your kids. Then talk to your kids and tell them what kind of relationship you want. When you talk to them focus on your objective.

@suscros68- hmmmm. I'm not sure that I agree with wanting to be something other than a parent to my son. My son and I are on a very friendly basis, phew! But if I give him an inch of too much a friend then I am very uncomfortable. At first I wanted to be his idol and best friend but that wasn't such a bright idea on my part.. He's not my equal as far as age goes. I've lived 26 more years than he has and have had experiences that I would not want him to have. I deserve to be respected. I think that as children get older- more towards 40's see see us more as people too.

Just a thought. Everyone has their idea of what they want their relationship s to look like.

@suscros68- Oh of course. I didn't mean that my idea was for everyone! I apologize if I gave off that impression. Child rearing is the most personal things as a parent, don't you think?

Yes it is. I just understand it can be hurtful when our adult kids only call us when they need something, and I think it's important to let them know it's hurtful.

@suscros68- Oh, I agree with you!

@merpreb I do not have any children, by choice, and have somewhat watched how my siblings raised their children. This is an interesting thread of conversation, definitely. My thought is I am still glad I made the choice to no have kids.....
Ginger

One of the newspaper Ann Landers type had a survey on whether they would have kids. Interesting. Over 70% said would have kids. Those that didn't have kids, still liked that decision. Letters to her still discuss that topic and how it fared. Have 4 daughters and would do it again. Wife has 3 daughters and probably wouldn't have kids. Each to his/her own.