Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

I'm almost 37 and therefore probably have more of a perspective on your kids. As someone else said, and I've heard this before, people just don't have the maturity for caring for their parents in that way until they get a bit older. I even still feel like I'm not good at this because I have health issues of my own, and have fallen back into the child role being taken care of by the parent.

This isn't too minimize your struggles at all because what you're feeling is valid. I wonder if you could find a way to tell them that you enjoy talking to them. It doesn't have to be confrontational or anything, you could just say you had fun talking on whatever day. Or you could call them just to talk and later say that you enjoyed the conversation. It could be more of a natural increase that way and they may not even realize it.

You could also email them or use other methods of contact. I know I greatly prefer email and I only ever email my dad - I don't think I've talked on the phone to him in months.

Also the fact that they contact you with problems might show that they trust you and view you as someone who can take care of them, so it can be a good thing. Sometimes I feel like I only email my dad with car problems, but I love him more than life. I do nowadays try to email him just to say hi because I started to realize that he enjoys hearing from me. It just didn't really occur to me before.

Good luck dealing with everything - we are all here to help.

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Hello - since the vast majority of the conversation in this discussion, "Down in the dumps again," related to issues arising with relationships with adult children, with permission from @kdo0827, who started the thread, I've changed the discussion title to "Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children."

Wondering if perhaps @mickj @kdo0827 @thankful @parus @macjane @sandicel @catcatanzaro60 or others may have any updates to share with how things are going with your adult children and how you are feeling about it? @654321 - have you also dealt with issues related to your adult children?

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@enska What a nice post I'm 76 and found that you don't bother them at work with a call but if I have to talk I email him and he,ok answer back when he has time ,thanks for posting

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@kdo0827 Glad to hear it is helping. Are you sleeping well on this medication?

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Not much has changed as far as my kids go. But there’s a big change in me. My psychiatrist put me on Adderral last week to try and get me some energy and to work on me wanting to leave the house. My energy has been great! Feeling more like myself. This is such a good change for me!

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I have two adult children (41, 43) the same thing has occurred with them even though I speak with them via text, email, FaceTime or in person (when they are in town) on a weekly basis. Seems to me that unless we tell them our expectations they don’t know or care, somewhat selfish on their part. Now I’m doing my own thing, or at least trying . Which means I tend to worry less, out of sight out of mind and don’t attempt to fix things for them. I certainly have cut back on the giving of things without a mutual respect of “thank you.” I have ended phone conversations that turn into “I know” on their part. Different times, I would not say it’s the best of time. Technology, jobs, friends, careers take time away from family togetherness. Sad.

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@lizzyisme Know what you mean my son is 45 I'm lucky to hear from him while he is in car coming or going to work then I have to carry the conversation do you have same situation?

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I have two adult children (41, 43) the same thing has occurred with them even though I speak with them via text, email, FaceTime or in person (when they are in town) on a weekly basis. Seems to me that unless we tell them our expectations they don’t know or care, somewhat selfish on their part. Now I’m doing my own thing, or at least trying . Which means I tend to worry less, out of sight out of mind and don’t attempt to fix things for them. I certainly have cut back on the giving of things without a mutual respect of “thank you.” I have ended phone conversations that turn into “I know” on their part. Different times, I would not say it’s the best of time. Technology, jobs, friends, careers take time away from family togetherness. Sad.

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