~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

Posted by .harp player @amberpep, Feb 26, 2019

I’m 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I’m just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don’t have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there’s not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there’s enough), and my son sends me money each month. I’m sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I’m thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I’d have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they’re all on line now), and legally they’re not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college …. well, it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I’m so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby

@amberpep

Hi all ….. just an update of "nothing." …… I've given up. I'm done looking and trying and filling out those myriad of applications on line that are all the same … I don't know why they can't keep that information from one and just fill in the next. I've kept a few doctors in the city in which I lived in MD so I do get to go up once a month. I live in a low-income apartment complex and WOW, the things that go on is amazing. If nothing else, I'm getting a whole new education. So, as is often said, "it is what it is."
abby

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Hi @amberpep – just wanted to check in and see how it's going?

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@lisalucier

Hi @amberpep – just wanted to check in and see how it's going?

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Thanks to all We are hanging in Doing what we can Life can be tough But I had 46 wonderful yrs with my sweet hubby .

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@amberpep

Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another – about 4 hours away – to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ….. a big mistake. I see my girls once a week – I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives – live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job – for over 2 months, but at age 75 – well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working – part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ….. this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it …. they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ….. young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids – and I do mean kids …. some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark – EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist – in my old city – once a month ….. but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

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I am sorry that happiness continues to elude you @amberpep. While you say you don't want to volunteer, might it still be a good idea? Or at least worth a try?

Bringing a little cheer into someone else's life can have a positive effect on your own mood. Could you consider calling a nearby church or nursing home to see about making some visits on shut-ins? Your public library might have a need for someone to read to children.

Just give it some thought, will you? It might help to get your mind off of you own unhappiness for even one hour a week.

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@amberpep

Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another – about 4 hours away – to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ….. a big mistake. I see my girls once a week – I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives – live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job – for over 2 months, but at age 75 – well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working – part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ….. this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it …. they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ….. young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids – and I do mean kids …. some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark – EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist – in my old city – once a month ….. but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

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Thanks Teresa …. I really need to find a job. Just today I got a nibble about a possible job at Chick-fil-a, at least til they find out how old I am. The .Bipolar 2 doesn't help either …. every day is different. Some days I have energy and get things done around here, and other days I don't want to get out of bed. I take meds. and see my Psychiatrist, who is excellent, but it's just something I have to learn to live with. I also drive back to see my therapist once a month, which is where I used to live.
abby

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@amberpep

Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another – about 4 hours away – to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ….. a big mistake. I see my girls once a week – I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives – live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job – for over 2 months, but at age 75 – well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working – part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ….. this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it …. they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ….. young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids – and I do mean kids …. some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark – EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist – in my old city – once a month ….. but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

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@amberpep

I feel bad for you that you keep going over the same unhappy thinking.

Until a paying job opens up might you at least consider some volunteer work? Getting out of the house and thinking about other people tends to be very helpful for all of us.

Will you try your best not to dismiss the idea of volunteering?

Perhaps make a list of places where you could enjoy spending some volunteer time. Sometimes just making a list can be a good thing, even if you choose not to act on it right away.

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Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another – about 4 hours away – to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ….. a big mistake. I see my girls once a week – I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives – live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job – for over 2 months, but at age 75 – well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working – part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ….. this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it …. they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ….. young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids – and I do mean kids …. some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark – EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist – in my old city – once a month ….. but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

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@amberpep

Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another – about 4 hours away – to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ….. a big mistake. I see my girls once a week – I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives – live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job – for over 2 months, but at age 75 – well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working – part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ….. this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it …. they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ….. young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids – and I do mean kids …. some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark – EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist – in my old city – once a month ….. but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

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Hi, @amberpep – just wanted to let you know that I moved your update to this discussion you'd started previously, "~ Depressed and scared ~" so that all those who were talking with you before, like @crissdawn @georgette12 @parus @karen00 @dianrib @1mountaingirl86 @becsbuddy and others, would get your update and could chime in with their greetings and any input.

How are things with the Bipolar 2, @amberpep? Are you noticing any symptoms lately? Are you waiting on a response right now from Chick-Fil-A, or what is the current status on that potential job?

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@amberpep

Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another – about 4 hours away – to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ….. a big mistake. I see my girls once a week – I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives – live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job – for over 2 months, but at age 75 – well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working – part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ….. this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it …. they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ….. young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids – and I do mean kids …. some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark – EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist – in my old city – once a month ….. but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

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@amberpep oh, oh, oh, I bumped something and lost the whole message I had typed for you!
I’m so sorry that this move has been so difficult for you. Moving is never easy as you always have to start over! You might try a few things: find a local Council on Aging—they have counselors who can help with all sorts of things. Also, the Senior Center in your town will have resources. The one here has housing specialists who may have suggestions on alternative housing, especially if you don’t feel safe where you are. Check into Meals on Wheels—they do meals on a sliding scale ($5) and sometimes free. Your town or local churches probably have food banks/pantry which you can qualify for.
You son helps you: would he be willing to talk with your daughters? After all, you made the move to VA for them.
I really feel for you, moving is hard! I’ve moved 14-15 times in my marriage and it never got any easier! Let us know how it works out for you. Becky

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Depression is scary no matter where one lives. Sometimes there are no answers, no magic pills, no one to fix things. The loneliness and lack of sufficient finances can be scary and overwhelming. Growing old is scary. Life is scary.

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very true but this is the hand we were dealt. I am grateful for 46 great yrs with my hubby till he died of cancer. / was with him till the end. Then all went down the toilet , daughter had a stroke, son is struggling, grand kid not well , having health problems, Meds are so expensive ! . I take one day at a time. I pray for my grand kids & family daily.. Millions of innocent kids suffer each day so why should my prayer be NOTICED .? I am scared, jaded, worried about my family ,money and how they will do when I'm gone. I am 76. Life e seemed to fly by . Think of my sweetie every day. One love of my life. Most do not have Golden years . Lucky ones have health, love and enough cash to live . My hubby worked since he was 15 But in the end His pension was CUT by Continental Can when plant shut down in 88 . Just shy of his time for a bigger pension I am sure CO planned it that way Each worker lost thousands . USA must treat its people much better Billionaires do NOT need tax cuts. Soldiers need to come home . Best to ALL

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@amberpep

Hi everyone. Some of you know that about 3-4 years ago I moved from one state to another – about 4 hours away – to be closer to my daughters and their families. I was happy up there, I had my own condo, doctors, friends, church, and knew the town like the back of my hand. After 5 years of hounding me, I finally relented and moved down here ….. a big mistake. I see my girls once a week – I know I can't expect more as they have their own lives – live in a low-income apartment complex for reasons I won't go into now, and to say I hate living here. I've tried to find a job – for over 2 months, but at age 75 – well, as much as they say "you can't discriminate due to age", that's a lie. They can and they do. I'm healthy and enjoy working – part time would be best. I've been told to "volunteer" ….. this is going to sound awful, but if I'm going to work, I want to get paid for it. Money is extremely tight, and I am just making it, with a very tight budget. My girls are delighted I'm here, but I'm not. They know I'm sorry I moved, but speak about it not at all. They're not approachable about it …. they're just happy I'm here. I just cannot see myself living out the rest of my days living like this. The complex I'm .in has the typical low income problems ….. young girls being handcuffed and hauled off by the police, a known "drug building", totally disrespectful and foul mouthed kids – and I do mean kids …. some as young as 7 or 8, and some oddities which I won't go into. I never go out after dark – EVER. It's just not safe. So, I'm stuck. Due to money issues, there's no way I can move back to where I was (I lived there for 30 years), and to top it off my X-husband has a huge house only 15 miles down the road from me. I've been told I can reopen our case to receive alimony, but I know it would fracture my relationship with my 3 kids and I just can't do that. I did not ask for alimony when we divorced as I had a good bit of money, but then unknown to me, got caught up in a ponzi scheme which took over 3/4 of what I had. Truthfully, I just wish my time were up. This would be over, and as an Orthodox Christian, I believe I'd be in a better place. I see my therapist – in my old city – once a month ….. but you don't get much done in 50 min. a month.
Thanks for listening to an old lady gripe.
abby

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so sorry about your situation. Wishing you better time as well as part time job may take your mind off some of your problems.

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Just found out our rent is going up next month quite a substantial amount. There's going to be a lot of people fleeing, probably in the middle of the night, so no one will know at the office – then they'll never be heard from again. I think a large part of my distress is the up and down of this bipolar 2. I take Lamictal, but between that and my knee replacement, I can have problems with balance. I've fallen several times, so I got one of those Greatcall things to wear around my neck …. ugly thick black cord. So, I took that off and have it on a sort of heavy silver chain and when I'm out, it is UNDER my shirt, rather than on top of it. And, my BP runs about 90/60 in the AM, rarely going beyond 110 during the day. That contributes to all this too. All in all, it was a mistake to move down here ….. I guess a big piece is my X is a real thorn in my side. Just having him that closeby gauls me. I wish I'd have known that before making the move.
abby

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