~ Depressed and scared ~

Posted by amberpep @amberpep, Tue, Feb 26 8:00am

I'm 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I'm just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don't have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there's not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there's enough), and my son sends me money each month. I'm sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I'm thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I'd have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they're all on line now), and legally they're not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college …. well, it doesn't take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I'm so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby

Hi, my sister and brother in law are here in the city. They live overseas and my sister has dementia and it’s getting worse daily, she is only 69 years old. But the way everything has been going my family and I will never see her again because of him. She’ll die overseas and I don’t know if he will return her body to us. He is a big time narcissist and thief, he bankrupted our family business, broke up the family that my sister, her daughter and her daughter’s family don’t have anything to do with her. We are broke!!!! He always says that we took “his” money. What a cruel evil 😈 man!!!! As for my sister it turns out that she is a liar and thief and has given up her family for him. I’m trying so very hard to go to sleep but I’m thinking too much about them!!!!

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@guener

@smilie There is substantial anger mixed with your depressed state, not a place to dwell in if you can help it. The decisions now that you make need to be tempered by reflection on how the future could play out for you and for your family. Perhaps your hope for some reconciliation or resolution to what has turned out to pass with respect to the estrangement you feel from your sister and from the ire that you have over the past.Those are high aims, and maybe you can instead just let things go for a time and see how this is impacting you and those close to you now. Not all things turn out the way we hope, but negative feelings tend to direct us toward ends that we want to avoid but sometimes foster. The more that you stew over this the greater becomes your own distress, and that is hard to think of as being a starting point toward something different than what you fear. You may have to just let it go as it will for now and wait.

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Thank you for this reply! My sister’s husband has created this going back 25 years and he doesn’t want to stop!!!! He is so very angry at me for moving out of the house that they rented from someone because he wanted me to continue paying for everything regarding the the house and I don’t have a steady income. I believe that he’s a crook and if I stayed in the house I would be broke in two or three years. And there’s more to tell.

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I'm probably nuts, and I also don't know if I just tag this post along with everything along with all my other posts. But here goes …..
As some of you know my X (who is a narcissist) and I have been divorced for 12 years now after a 43 year marriage. I couldn't take it anymore …. he was the King, and I was the servant.
I don't know how many of you will understand this, but maybe some …. I know we're legally divorced, but for me in the eyes of God there will always remain that covenant between us. I was scanning through some books the other night and found one which I believe is called "On The Mend" (not quite sure of that name), and I ordered 2, had one sent to me, and stepping out on a limb, had one sent to him. I wrote him a brief e-mail, telling him that I'd ordered a book for each of us to read and think about and maybe we could discuss the things we read and learned. I know very well the position this could put me in, unless he has changed somewhat. I know I'm not the person I was ….. I no longer will be walked on and treated like a slave girl. Whether or not he thinks about this and the things in the book I have no clue, but I had to try. Somehow 43 years, with 3 solid, responsible kids – all adults, just seemed like too much of our lives to just throw away.
I don't know what will happen …. with N's, you don't know …. they could put on a good face which isn't real, and possibly, by just some sliver of a chance he has changed enough to put up with the "new me" ….. vocal, sassy at times, I say what I think, and I don't allow myself to be walked on anymore ….. this is after 14 years of intense psychotherapy.
So, we'll see. All I could do was give it a shot …. if you don't try, the answer is always no.
abby

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@amberpep

I'm probably nuts, and I also don't know if I just tag this post along with everything along with all my other posts. But here goes …..
As some of you know my X (who is a narcissist) and I have been divorced for 12 years now after a 43 year marriage. I couldn't take it anymore …. he was the King, and I was the servant.
I don't know how many of you will understand this, but maybe some …. I know we're legally divorced, but for me in the eyes of God there will always remain that covenant between us. I was scanning through some books the other night and found one which I believe is called "On The Mend" (not quite sure of that name), and I ordered 2, had one sent to me, and stepping out on a limb, had one sent to him. I wrote him a brief e-mail, telling him that I'd ordered a book for each of us to read and think about and maybe we could discuss the things we read and learned. I know very well the position this could put me in, unless he has changed somewhat. I know I'm not the person I was ….. I no longer will be walked on and treated like a slave girl. Whether or not he thinks about this and the things in the book I have no clue, but I had to try. Somehow 43 years, with 3 solid, responsible kids – all adults, just seemed like too much of our lives to just throw away.
I don't know what will happen …. with N's, you don't know …. they could put on a good face which isn't real, and possibly, by just some sliver of a chance he has changed enough to put up with the "new me" ….. vocal, sassy at times, I say what I think, and I don't allow myself to be walked on anymore ….. this is after 14 years of intense psychotherapy.
So, we'll see. All I could do was give it a shot …. if you don't try, the answer is always no.
abby

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Hi, I’m glad that you got out. I wish that my sister Gail would do the same but unfortunately for her she also has dimentia.

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@smilie

Hi, I’m glad that you got out. I wish that my sister Gail would do the same but unfortunately for her she also has dimentia.

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Hi, @smilie – just checking in to see how you are doing?

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