Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?

What an extremely difficult situation for you and your husband to be facing in your early 80s and in poor health.
I am assuming he is under psychiatric care...more might be going on with the ADD - sounds that way to me, just my opinion. You and your husband need lots of support now. Just some suggestions only: First, contact your lawyer to get all your ducks in the row in the event your grandson suddenly lost you or your husband. If you have both passed what is going to happen to him? What if you are suddenly hospitalized, can your husband take care of him and vice versa? I am assuming his parents will step back in to care for him (??) But is that a sure thing? It must be legally set up. I would think there is an ADD support group for those afflicted and for those who care for them. I would look into this support. Since your grandson has isolated himself from everyone (except for you/your husband) it seems like he "might" be paranoid and/or delusional in his thinking he was treated so poorly throughout his young life - when you report he actually was treated better than his siblings and, thus, the isolation. Do you have authority to speak with his psychiatrist? Your grandson at 25 is considered legally an adult. Because of HIPPA laws, your grandson must give his permission for you to do so. Who has power of attorney over him? Are his parents (behind the scene so to speak) helping you and your husband at all? Can your grandson do any kind of work...attend a day time support group? Mentally what is he capable of? Can he do his personal self care activities alone? Under a psychiatrist's care, his physician should be pointing you in the direction of support for you and his patient, your grandson. You must reach out to the professionals for help. Yes, this is going to take time and work on your part. But to leave your life/your grandson's life just "status quo" now is not helping this difficult situation or anyone. Yes the conversations, especially with the rest of the family, will be difficult. No one should be burying their head in the sand now. Now is the time to have peace of mind and set "things" up for your grandson. For anyone in the family to truly "expect" you and your husband will always be there for your grandson is denial and completely unreasonable. And denial is very common and occurs very often even in the very best of families when loved ones has a mental health condition. Believe me, I know this for a fact. Please believe there ARE solutions to the current dilemma you & your husband are now in.
Someone/a support group/professionals - not just you/your husband - must step up to the plate to help you get a treatment plan in place for your grandson. A treatment that will work and give all peace of mind for his care. At the very least, you and your husband need and deserve this help having this family burden/problem/issue placed on your shoulders alone.
Thank you for your best wishes for me. I truly wish the very same for you!

@foundryrat743 Let his parents take care of him

@briarrose This sounds very sad and overwhelming. My family isn't compassionate towards me they behave as if I'm living a normal life. My son has been ill since he was 22 years old, it's been 17 years and it's something they won't ever understand. Not enough support.

@slpdprvd Hang in there. I am in the same boat as my son has had this mental illness since age 21, so over 10 years now! He will do fine on a drug for awhile then relapse with a manic episode and then has to start all over again. I heard that each of these episodes cause brain damage and we have noticed he is not the same friendly smart young man with so much promise that he once was. He is still in hospital now for 2 months and meds not working. It’s all overwhelming and we have no support, The family just ignores it, but then they have always ignored us so we should be used to it. This forum is the only outlet for me where most people understand mental illness is a disease and not just toxic behavior and that ‘call the cops to fix it’ doesn’t work. Some days I feel I can’t go on. Have you tried NAMI? I was thinking about reaching out to them, just have felt too low to do it. I don’t know what to do.

You are certainly not alone and your feelings are more than understandable.
You do need a support system, other Moms/Families in the same situation as you/your family.
Does the hospital he is in currently have family groups? They should...if not perhaps they can point you in the right direction.
Try to reach out to your local NAMI despite feeling so low. Perhaps make a date in the very near future to sit down, pencil and paper in hand, and start the ball rolling with phone calls, asking for resources, support, etc.
Yes, you can continue on line...but it's always better to be in a group together and hear other stories - in person - just like your own, or even worse, and share together.
Good luck to you!

It's so hard dealing with my son with his Schizophrenia. I deeply understand that your the scape goat for everything that is perceived wrong. My son is now blaming me for him not getting into his iPhone. He thinks I changed the code and now he can't get in. We live together so I get to see his frustration on his face.. He looks so angry. At one point I felt fear . Looking into his eyes, I didn't recognize him. Sometimes I wonder if he could hurt me...,

My 30yr old son experienced prodromal/1st episode psychosis around 4yrs ago. It runs in my family but sadly UK MH services didn’t listen when he approached for help & he was untreated for around 18months.
Similar to you I am now navigating our new dynamic which is full of suspicion, accusation and him isolating but also not functioning that well, meaning I often need to compromise healthy boundaries and endure his horrible treatment of me to ensure he eats & has his basic needs met.
We used to be so close and he was so loving. He was the funniest person to be around and had so many friends, ran his own business.
I totally understand what you are going through. The sadness is overwhelming sometimes right?

@amotherslove2 depends what kind of Schizophrenia, some patients can get violent I'm not a physiatrist or doctor but I'm to old to take a beating to easily to get hurt right now i would seek assistance if you feel he could harm you. better to be safe. wish you luck and send a couple prayers-------sent

I found out recently that 80% of teenage boys that use Marijuana regularly are highly likely to become schizophrenic later in life.

I wish that was taught in school health classes.

They say marijuana is a gateway drug, but don’t explain that one of the gates that open up is devistating mental health issues later in life.

I have spoken to doctors and police and they all reacted like it is common knowledge!!!

Just not common to the public!!

I believe this is the cause of my son’s issues. He is 36 and is living in a tent downtown in Calgary with temperatures dropping to -20 c. Or lower on the next few months.

I check on him 2-3 times a week and each time after a cold night I feel like I am going to find him frozen to death.

@bewildered have the doctors tried Confenfy ?
I just saw an add for it on tv.