Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?

@briarrose iam 79, breast cancer year of 2016 and again since last spring. O definately confront him...maybe he needs encouragement to go to rehab or whatever. I have a child that was on heroin 20 years ago. I did do an intervention with all family present. About 6 mo later the 2 kids only option was methadone. That kid and spouse still go for methadone clinic at $60 a week each. I ca't change them. At least they can function and are alive. You don't gety high on methadone but it takes the craving away.

@briarrose It’s a positive sign that he is visiting you for Christmas. I wish he would move to where you are, maybe it will happen with time. Also, a positive that he can hold down a job. What does he do for work?

I've been through every scenario possible with my son. And I promised myself I wouldn't ever try to have him placed on a hold. He wasn't ever given the correct medication he'd come out worse than how he went in plus it was traumatizing for him as well as for me. I took him to see a private doctor and he changed his medications and I will forever be thankful to him for giving him the correct medd.He stopped crying, he'd wake up yelling and crying all day long. He stopped and its been an uphill battle I'm glad he's no longer having crying spells. His own psychiatrist couldn't give him the help he needed.

We have two couples we've known since our kids started school in the eighties. One of my daughter's best friends moved to LA after college and came home about five years ago. She had about every mental problem a human can have. I mean seriously life threatening, police and hospitalizations. Drugs and scaring the hell out of the parents.
The other, a neighbor, has been through it all as well. It's terrible when your son who is living for free under your roof, calls the police and they cuff you and take you away when the boy falsely accused him of lies. The police said they couldn't help it. It happened two more times before the boy was hospitalized. There are these situations all around us.

I agree such mental health situations, resulting in the parent's heartbreak, are all around us.
Unfortunately, in my opinion, because of the stigma that still surrounds mental health issues, especially in our adult children, such a family crisis remains hidden. Leaving the entire immediate family isolated and alone with their problems - sometimes unsolvable - in their beloved children. Like addictions, a mentally ill family member, affects the entire immediate family in one way or another. I, myself, would never tell my extended family members (all around my age, with adult children, thriving in successful business/life) what is truly happening to my 41 year old son. I know them. The judgement would surely be there. The ignorance of mental illness would be there. The blame game would be there. Their pity and "Thank God it's not my child" would be there. On the surface they may extend their compassion...but I know it would not be sincere. Of course, I am generalizing. Some family members (maybe?) would be true to me and my son. But most of the "talk" would be fonder for gossip, especially since my son's cousins (around his age) are all high achievers. Like he was once and then took a terrible fall and has yet to recover for many reasons. My family who are all around my age, with children my son's age, would be completely "shocked" if they knew what I am experiencing with my son. The real story. So, when asked about him, I say "O! he's doing good"...nothing could be farther from the truth. So, it's easier that way for me...and as for him? Frankly I don't think he even cares. He simply continues to isolate from everyone except me and his father. And there are plenty of times, he isolates from us despite our best efforts. He lives far from me and his father...is "supposedly" still working from home but we are not sure. He doesn't understand yet - we are his 2 best sources of support. He gradually lost every single good friend he had and he had a lot. So, we continue on, doing our best, praying a lot, hoping for a breakthrough. Of course, I don't need to say his treatment care plan is completely wrong. Down to his psychiatrist, therapist and medication regimen. But he won't listen to me...he won't change. This is our life now, in our so-called golden years. Which I am discovering despite being seniors, that doesn't mean we now get a pass from family heartache. The heartaches can be particularly painful since we now have the "wisdom" the youth do not process. Yet. Most of them will when/if they reach our age.
The entire picture is so very sad.

So true, I dont know what to do.

@slpdprvd that’s great news! I am praying for the same for my son, who has been in hospital over a month now, they still trying to find a med that works for him. I’m losing hope he will ever recover. What was your son diagnosed with and which med worked for him?

When my son was first hospitalized he was put on the older generation antipsychotics which one of them left him with Tardive Dyskinesia, a movement disorder which has no cure. That was just the tip of tge iceberg. When I took him to see a different doctor he changed his meds, he put him on Remron, an antidepressant, and lamictal, ability. This is what has helped him. He still talks to himself, hears voices. But I take that over him crying and yelling all day. He sees a neurologist for the movement disorder.

@slpdprvd abilify

@briarrose If it helps, I have been in a similar situation, with a Grandson who lives with us, has ADD, and won’t take his medicine. He has somehow alienated his parents, siblings, other grandparents, and cousins and other members of the overall family, to the point, that we are his only family supporters. He is 25, and full of anger and feeling that he was not treated as well as his. siblings, growing up. so he is resentful ( actually, he was treated as well, if not better, by his parents, than his siblings, when he was growing up! We lived nearby, and took care of him and his siblings, many times, while his parents [medical professionals], were working ). We are in our early 80’s, with multiple big time health issues, so, the last thing we need, is to be ‘raising’ a 25 year old ADD Grandson! I empathize with your predicament! We have found ourselves in situations that seem to have no good solutions, at this point! I was writing an autobiography. but have not been able to do much, in the way of preparing for the inevitable future, which I feel compelled that I should do, all because I am now saddled with this situation! Wishing you the best! 🤞!