Coping with age & serious illness. Anyone positive want to share?

@ellu

The USA is still governed by its Puritan roots. Suicide is illegal. The fun question is what happens to you if you are successful? What can the Law do? Some states have tried making it legal but it upsets too many people.

Our doctor stopped by one evening on his way home to chat and check on her. We asked him, "how is she going to die? His answer was "If she stays healthy, one night she will go to sleep and not wake up the next day."

I think the real question is "which is harder, fighting to stay alive or surrendering death? What is our choice, when we are tired and exhausted of fighting? I don't have an answer yet.

@rollingf
I understand that Voluntary Assisted Death is a controversial issue. In Australia it is legal, but it is very much an intimate, personal choice. My university- days boyfriend, Allan, battled melanoma on his brain for months, and had several neurosurgeries to try to remove the cancer and a large blood clot on his brain. He never regained consciousness. His loving wife and children took him home, told that he would never recover brain function because of the damage done. He remained in a coma, unconscious for THREE MONTHS. His wife was by his side 24/7, trying to feed him through a tube, and changing his diapers. He had to be turned on his side in the bed every two hours, to avoid bed sores, so someone had to be in attendance on him constantly. In Australia we also have available what we call an Advanced Care Directive, just like a kind of will. It is a legally binding document which many people sign while they are young and healthy, listing the circumstances under which they would want to
withdraw medical treatment (such as ventilators or even CPR). I have signed an Advanced Care Directive, stating that if there is no chance of me recovering quality of life (which I spelt out in detail) I do not want to be put on a ventilator or maintained in an indefinite coma just because my body is "alive". I know various cultures have religious objections to these kinds of arrangements, and I believe it is ultimately a very difficult and personal choice. I know what the end stage of ALS looks like. I know my fate is to deteriorate like that. But I don't want to be unable to swallow or talk, paralyzed and unable to breathe: at some stage I want to say "this is enough, I can't cope like this any more, and I don't want my family to have to care for me for months while I am a vegetable in bed." In Australia I have the option of choosing the way I die, in peace, and that is what I want to do. I know that this is a very controversial and upsetting kind of discussion to have, and I thoroughly respect people who choose to live through the worst and put up with agony, but I believe we should have a CHOICE which patients and their families agree on so that everyone can die with dignity. No-one is going to force withdrawel of medical treatment or assisted death on anyone - to me it is a matter of individual choice, and I am glad that now all Australian states support this legistation. I know I will stir up a hornet's nest with this post, but that is how I feel, I who only have an average of 26 months to live.

@rollingf
I understand that Voluntary Assisted Death is a controversial issue. In Australia it is legal, but it is very much an intimate, personal choice. My university- days boyfriend, Allan, battled melanoma on his brain for months, and had several neurosurgeries to try to remove the cancer and a large blood clot on his brain. He never regained consciousness. His loving wife and children took him home, told that he would never recover brain function because of the damage done. He remained in a coma, unconscious for THREE MONTHS. His wife was by his side 24/7, trying to feed him through a tube, and changing his diapers. He had to be turned on his side in the bed every two hours, to avoid bed sores, so someone had to be in attendance on him constantly. In Australia we also have available what we call an Advanced Care Directive, just like a kind of will. It is a legally binding document which many people sign while they are young and healthy, listing the circumstances under which they would want to
withdraw medical treatment (such as ventilators or even CPR). I have signed an Advanced Care Directive, stating that if there is no chance of me recovering quality of life (which I spelt out in detail) I do not want to be put on a ventilator or maintained in an indefinite coma just because my body is "alive". I know various cultures have religious objections to these kinds of arrangements, and I believe it is ultimately a very difficult and personal choice. I know what the end stage of ALS looks like. I know my fate is to deteriorate like that. But I don't want to be unable to swallow or talk, paralyzed and unable to breathe: at some stage I want to say "this is enough, I can't cope like this any more, and I don't want my family to have to care for me for months while I am a vegetable in bed." In Australia I have the option of choosing the way I die, in peace, and that is what I want to do. I know that this is a very controversial and upsetting kind of discussion to have, and I thoroughly respect people who choose to live through the worst and put up with agony, but I believe we should have a CHOICE which patients and their families agree on so that everyone can die with dignity. No-one is going to force withdrawel of medical treatment or assisted death on anyone - to me it is a matter of individual choice, and I am glad that now all Australian states support this legistation. I know I will stir up a hornet's nest with this post, but that is how I feel, I who only have an average of 26 months to live.

Q: How do you cope w yourself, your pain, etc., and still keep going and going?
I am a 75 yr old female, who is struggling w cancer and side effects of stroke.
Please help.
Thank you.
VJ

@vijay26 I can only speak for myself. Live each day as fully as possible. Some days it takes a lot of energy just to get out of bed. Find joy each day, doing something that feeds your soul. It doesn't have to be the same thing each day. Aim for quality of life, not quantity. Do something for others; it makes you feel good about yourself!

My situation is this: I have a non-curable blood cancer called multiple myeloma. I also have end stage renal dis-ease, and am on dialysis everyday. I cannot get a kidney transplant because I would need to get a stem cell transplant for the myeloma first. Except we have determined I would not survive that stem cell transplant. So, my treatment involves dialysis everyday plus the myeloma treatments for the rest of my life. Unless a sudden cardiac event occurs [did I mention that is a complication of my dialysis?] I will eventually decide "no more", and stop everything. There is a DNR in place, and on file with all medical facilities plus on my medical alert bracelet.

It takes a fortitude of belief in yourself, and what mark you want to leave behind, to continue on each day. We all get that. I believe we honor ourselves when we do.
Ginger