Coping with age & serious illness. Anyone positive want to share?

@greengold
Hi Betty, thank you for your kind comments! I think in the northern hemisphere you call my illness ALS - we in Australia call it Motor Neurone Disease. It is heartwarming to think that someone in Canada is reading my post! Fortunately not all of us have to face terminal illnesses, but in the end we all have to deal with ageing and the eventual end of our lives. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never reach your age of 86, but I am determined to live and enjoy every day left to me in any way possible. I hope your peripheral neuropathy doesn't restrict restrict your life too much. I am happy that I am leaving a legacy of four adult children, who are all kind, honourable, decent human beings, and will continue the chain of life after I am gone. I wish I could see into the future and see what happens to them in the rest of their lives! It is a beautiful, sunny late-summer afternoon here in Melbourne, Australia. I am 72, my symptoms are still pretty mild, and my philosophy is to do at least one thing I enjoy every day. This morning I had a coffee and chat with my sister-in-law...
Best wishes to you,
@ellu

@rollingf
Hi there, thank you for your response sharing your bitter experience with ALS. It is truly a torturous illness, and a real chameleon, because it affects different people in different ways. In my case I have Bulbar ALS, which starts in the lungs and swallowing muscles. I do not want to die gasping for breath and unable to swallow, but in Australia we now have what is called Voluntary Assisted Dying. If a neurologist and a second doctor agree that you have less than 12 months to live, you can contact the VAD Navigators and arrange to be issued with pills which will end your life. These you keep in a locked box at home, and it is up to you to decide when your symptoms have become so unbearable that it is torture, and you would prefer to end your life painlessly. You can do this alone, or surrounded by family and friends. You are supervised by doctors evey step of the way, and in my opinion is a humane and sensitive way to end a life which would otherwise end in unbearable suffering. I know that some religions do not believe in VAD, and it is not for everyone. Some people apply for VAD, get the pills, but end up not using them. I don't know what the system is in other countries, but if you or someone you know is facing the horrible end-stages of a terminal illness, it might be something worth investigating. I do not intend to throw away my life, I plan to live as fully and positively as I can in the time I have left, watching my adult children find partners and follow their life paths. I have told them about my decision about VAD, and one son said to me "well that is better than spending 10 years in a home with dementia and not recognizing us!". Every person makes a personal decision which is right for them, but I just wan ted to put the option of VAD out there so that people could be informed about a choice they have. I can honestly say that I am happy with my life atthe moment - I catch up with friends and family, I read and go to concerts and the theatre, and although I do not have the energy to run around as I used to, my life is full and meaningful, Whoever you are, reading this, take heart and enjoy the beauty and wonder of all the things in your world around you.
@ellu

@djg1951
Dear djg1951, I was touched to read your post. Anxiety is a horrible thing, at its worst you can feel as if you are doing to die because you are so worked up and can't catch your breath. Even when it is not that extreme, chronic anxiety can suck away at your life and make you miserable.
It is not possible to just get rid of that anxiety by wishing it away. I have an adult son who suffered from anxiety which crippled his life. He made an appointment to see a psychologist,
and that changed his whole life. He still sees his psychologist from time to time - she understood his issues, spent a long time talking through what was affecting him, and taught him simple strategies for dealing with his anxiety. If I were you, I would have a talk with your GP, and ask him/her to refer you to a good psychologist in your area. Your issues won't go away with one session, it might take time, but it is just as vital to take care of your mental health as your physical health. By the way, a friend's husband had a heart triple bypass operation 2 years ago. He now enjoys going on long hikes in the countryside, up to 8 miles a day! Don't give up on your husband, make sure he does all his rehabilitation exercises, and he will be back with you. The way to stay positive is to look for and enjoy the good things in your life, and have hope and belief that your situation can get better given time. Rach out to family and friends, ask if you can talk things over with them, and you will be surprised to find out how many people want to help support you. You are not alone.

@ellu

The USA is still governed by its Puritan roots. Suicide is illegal. The fun question is what happens to you if you are successful? What can the Law do? Some states have tried making it legal but it upsets too many people.

Our doctor stopped by one evening on his way home to chat and check on her. We asked him, "how is she going to die? His answer was "If she stays healthy, one night she will go to sleep and not wake up the next day."

I think the real question is "which is harder, fighting to stay alive or surrendering death? What is our choice, when we are tired and exhausted of fighting? I don't have an answer yet.

@ellu

The USA is still governed by its Puritan roots. Suicide is illegal. The fun question is what happens to you if you are successful? What can the Law do? Some states have tried making it legal but it upsets too many people.

Our doctor stopped by one evening on his way home to chat and check on her. We asked him, "how is she going to die? His answer was "If she stays healthy, one night she will go to sleep and not wake up the next day."

I think the real question is "which is harder, fighting to stay alive or surrendering death? What is our choice, when we are tired and exhausted of fighting? I don't have an answer yet.

@djg1951
Dear djg1951, I was touched to read your post. Anxiety is a horrible thing, at its worst you can feel as if you are doing to die because you are so worked up and can't catch your breath. Even when it is not that extreme, chronic anxiety can suck away at your life and make you miserable.
It is not possible to just get rid of that anxiety by wishing it away. I have an adult son who suffered from anxiety which crippled his life. He made an appointment to see a psychologist,
and that changed his whole life. He still sees his psychologist from time to time - she understood his issues, spent a long time talking through what was affecting him, and taught him simple strategies for dealing with his anxiety. If I were you, I would have a talk with your GP, and ask him/her to refer you to a good psychologist in your area. Your issues won't go away with one session, it might take time, but it is just as vital to take care of your mental health as your physical health. By the way, a friend's husband had a heart triple bypass operation 2 years ago. He now enjoys going on long hikes in the countryside, up to 8 miles a day! Don't give up on your husband, make sure he does all his rehabilitation exercises, and he will be back with you. The way to stay positive is to look for and enjoy the good things in your life, and have hope and belief that your situation can get better given time. Rach out to family and friends, ask if you can talk things over with them, and you will be surprised to find out how many people want to help support you. You are not alone.

I am Canadian. My step mother (at 94) spent a long time deciding when she wanted to use "MAID" to end her life. It was beautiful and warm and loving. Her biological children and myself were present and we reminisced many wonderful stories and toasted to her incredible life with my dad. I am so glad that Canada has this safe and well thought out system so people do not have to end their own lives with suffering.