Caring for Mother: She doesn't trust my care. Suggestions?

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Jun 12, 2019

<p>It’s only been about two months since my Mom fell and broke her shoulder. The problems started 4 days later when her hand and elbow became contracted and she became fearful of standing, walking, being pushed in a wheelchair, riding in the car, scared of the dark. She is scare of everything. All of a sudden she’s lonely, she wants me to sit in her room all night. She calls me all the time starting 30 minutes after I put her to bed. “Are you awake,” when she asks if I’m awake she doesn’t wand anything just wants to know. “What time is it,” she has a clock a inches away. “Is it morning?” “Can I get up” 2, 3, 4, 5, 6am “I’m thirsty, hungry, uncomfortable, adjust my pillow, open the window/door, I’m hot/cold. When I walk with her she screams out “SLOW DOWN, YOUR GOING TO FAST… we are stopped, not moving at all or “I’m falling” or “I’m going to fall.” It NEVER stops, NEVER. My Dad was paralyzed from the neck down and was more independent and he had total confidence in me. My Mom doesn’t trust me at all. She was independent prior to the fall and now she’s totally dependent on me for everything. Under the best of circumstances I seldom sleep. I’m often up for days. Good thing I guess. But I can’t keep this up. I don’t know how to get her to trust me. I don’t mind doing everything that needs doing, well cooking and cleaning isn’t at the top of the list but I keep us alive and the house hasn’t been condemned. So I suppose my question is, is she being reasonable?<br />Thanks,<br />Jake</p>

@jakedduck1

I was in my office this morning and I overheard her praying to be taken home. She’s been praying all morning and I can’t understand everything but it all has to do with going home. I’ve had a wonderful journey. I can’t last much longer. She is giving up.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 Your spirits have been go good lately! Talking about not cooking and not drawing straight lines. Has your mother gotten better so you’re not so stressed? Let us know

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@jakedduck1 Hi, Leonard! Haven’t hears from you in awhile. How is your mother doing? And, very importantly, how are you doing? I miss your “rays of sunshine” in my day!

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@becsbuddy

@jakedduck1 Hi, Leonard! Haven’t hears from you in awhile. How is your mother doing? And, very importantly, how are you doing? I miss your “rays of sunshine” in my day!

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@becsbuddy
Hi Becky,
I haven’t been doing very well. Actually I was admitted to the hospital last night. I have a “Huge kidney stone. I’m waiting to have surgery. So my back pain wasn’t from lifting my Mom. My previous 5 kidney stone symptoms never started in my back before. Then it moved to my groin where it’s always been in the past, that’s when I knew what the problem was. My brother hired an agency to take care of my Mom. My cousin is visiting and my brother and a friend also come by. I’m concerned no one will work on her hand and arm while I’m gone. But I’m sure they will kick me out of here soon. The doctor gave her orders to walk in for her appointment in October.
Jake

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@jakedduck1

@becsbuddy
Hi Becky,
I haven’t been doing very well. Actually I was admitted to the hospital last night. I have a “Huge kidney stone. I’m waiting to have surgery. So my back pain wasn’t from lifting my Mom. My previous 5 kidney stone symptoms never started in my back before. Then it moved to my groin where it’s always been in the past, that’s when I knew what the problem was. My brother hired an agency to take care of my Mom. My cousin is visiting and my brother and a friend also come by. I’m concerned no one will work on her hand and arm while I’m gone. But I’m sure they will kick me out of here soon. The doctor gave her orders to walk in for her appointment in October.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 I’m so sorry to hear that you’re not well and in the hospital. Bad luck. I’m glad your brother is able to help and hired an agency. Maybe you can use them for a couple days a week once you get home. You will really need to rest for awhile. I’m sending big hugs and words of encouragement! P.S. Since someone else is cooking, how is the food? Becky

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@jakedduck1

@becsbuddy
Hi Becky,
I haven’t been doing very well. Actually I was admitted to the hospital last night. I have a “Huge kidney stone. I’m waiting to have surgery. So my back pain wasn’t from lifting my Mom. My previous 5 kidney stone symptoms never started in my back before. Then it moved to my groin where it’s always been in the past, that’s when I knew what the problem was. My brother hired an agency to take care of my Mom. My cousin is visiting and my brother and a friend also come by. I’m concerned no one will work on her hand and arm while I’m gone. But I’m sure they will kick me out of here soon. The doctor gave her orders to walk in for her appointment in October.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 I hope surgery went well and you’re keeping the nurses entertained! Take care and rest when you get home. Promise?

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@jakedduck1

@becsbuddy
Hi Becky,
I haven’t been doing very well. Actually I was admitted to the hospital last night. I have a “Huge kidney stone. I’m waiting to have surgery. So my back pain wasn’t from lifting my Mom. My previous 5 kidney stone symptoms never started in my back before. Then it moved to my groin where it’s always been in the past, that’s when I knew what the problem was. My brother hired an agency to take care of my Mom. My cousin is visiting and my brother and a friend also come by. I’m concerned no one will work on her hand and arm while I’m gone. But I’m sure they will kick me out of here soon. The doctor gave her orders to walk in for her appointment in October.
Jake

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Thinking of you @jakedduck1. I have had kidney stones too. Not fun.

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@jakedduck1

@becsbuddy
Hi Becky,
I haven’t been doing very well. Actually I was admitted to the hospital last night. I have a “Huge kidney stone. I’m waiting to have surgery. So my back pain wasn’t from lifting my Mom. My previous 5 kidney stone symptoms never started in my back before. Then it moved to my groin where it’s always been in the past, that’s when I knew what the problem was. My brother hired an agency to take care of my Mom. My cousin is visiting and my brother and a friend also come by. I’m concerned no one will work on her hand and arm while I’m gone. But I’m sure they will kick me out of here soon. The doctor gave her orders to walk in for her appointment in October.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 You picked a strange way to get a break from caring for your mother! But really I hope you are feeling better tonight. I had a kidney stone many years ago and it was simply no fun. My dad was prone to them. Guess you will be needing to drink more cranberry juice, huh? Seriously you need to consider having someone come in to spell you to take some of the stress away from caring for your mom all the time. You know that she will appreciate it when you are caring for her again since you get to wait on her hand and foot. Not so sure the others will be doing the same.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@jakedduck1 You picked a strange way to get a break from caring for your mother! But really I hope you are feeling better tonight. I had a kidney stone many years ago and it was simply no fun. My dad was prone to them. Guess you will be needing to drink more cranberry juice, huh? Seriously you need to consider having someone come in to spell you to take some of the stress away from caring for your mom all the time. You know that she will appreciate it when you are caring for her again since you get to wait on her hand and foot. Not so sure the others will be doing the same.
Ginger

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@becsbuddy
Surgery went okay I think all they did was put in a stint. They couldn’t remove the stone. The Doc said it’s massive and cans be removed now. And shock waves or Lithotripsy won’t work. My kidney was damaged but the tests show its better today so it’s fixing itself I guess. 2 weeks after I get out of here we’ll decide how to get it out. Probably regular invasion type surgery but he mentioned a laser. Not sure how the laser works, anyone know? The shockwaves he said will damage surrounding structures. Seems like he could have just ripped me open and snatched it up.
They put me in the Postpartum section of the hospital. My friends are saying it’s because I act like a child. I think I may need to go shopping for a new set of friends. I’m giving the nurses a good working over. It’s the only fun I get.
I’m in a semi-private room without a a roommate and put a sign on the door that said NO VACANCY.
I’ll get some rest although the opposite is what I need more.
Thanks for your message
Jake

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@colleenyoung

Thinking of you @jakedduck1. I have had kidney stones too. Not fun.

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@colleenyoung
Hi Colleen,
I remember you’ve had them. I also remember you let them pass naturally. Just the thought of that makes my skin crawl. Ouch ouch & mega ouch! My doctor said this one will never pass on its own. I want them out ASAP and however they have to get it out. It makes me so made I didn’t think of my back pain possibility being a stone. The pain was so horrible. I took so much pain medicine I got sick and it didn’t even help. The doctor said it’s been there quite awhile.
Thanks for thinking about me.
Jake

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@jakedduck1

@colleenyoung
Hi Colleen,
I remember you’ve had them. I also remember you let them pass naturally. Just the thought of that makes my skin crawl. Ouch ouch & mega ouch! My doctor said this one will never pass on its own. I want them out ASAP and however they have to get it out. It makes me so made I didn’t think of my back pain possibility being a stone. The pain was so horrible. I took so much pain medicine I got sick and it didn’t even help. The doctor said it’s been there quite awhile.
Thanks for thinking about me.
Jake

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Thankfully, I've never had a kidney stone, but i take Cranberry capsules now for frequent UTI's which are no longer a problem. I decided to take the capsules so that I wouldn't have drink so much sugary cranberry juice.

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@gingerw

@jakedduck1 You picked a strange way to get a break from caring for your mother! But really I hope you are feeling better tonight. I had a kidney stone many years ago and it was simply no fun. My dad was prone to them. Guess you will be needing to drink more cranberry juice, huh? Seriously you need to consider having someone come in to spell you to take some of the stress away from caring for your mom all the time. You know that she will appreciate it when you are caring for her again since you get to wait on her hand and foot. Not so sure the others will be doing the same.
Ginger

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@gingerw I gotta admit Ginger a little respite certainly isn’t worth the price I ended up paying for it. I hate being here
especially today on my mom’s 89th birthday. I was drinking lots of cranberry juice when I had my first one. I said to the doctor “It’s a good thing I’ve been drinking so much cranberry juice” he said “The only thing cranberry juice will do is make you fat.” I’m grateful my brother took over so well. I should have arranged for someone in case something like this happened. The doctor wants the hand & foot being waited on to stop. He wants her walking to the bathroom getting her own breakfast and doing dishes. I was ecstatic to hear him say that. I hope it happens, for her sake although people probably won’t believe me.

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@jakedduck1

@gingerw I gotta admit Ginger a little respite certainly isn’t worth the price I ended up paying for it. I hate being here
especially today on my mom’s 89th birthday. I was drinking lots of cranberry juice when I had my first one. I said to the doctor “It’s a good thing I’ve been drinking so much cranberry juice” he said “The only thing cranberry juice will do is make you fat.” I’m grateful my brother took over so well. I should have arranged for someone in case something like this happened. The doctor wants the hand & foot being waited on to stop. He wants her walking to the bathroom getting her own breakfast and doing dishes. I was ecstatic to hear him say that. I hope it happens, for her sake although people probably won’t believe me.

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@jakedduck1 Leonard, you'll give your mom a second birthday celebration when you're ready. Since you have had multiple stones, have the doctors ever bisected the stones and check to see what they are made of in order to better help you avoid getting them? Don't beat yourself up please. Remember that there is no way to be prepared for a some emergencies no matter how you may have tried to be ready.
Ginger

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